Because of You
Shock-horror! It's a song-fic! *collective gasp*
TITLE: Because of You
RATING: nothing to worry about. :D
SUMMARY: song-fic to Kelly Clarkson's amazing "Because of You"
DISCLAIMER: as much as I wish I owned both the song and Torchwood, I don't own either. I'm just a poor little 13-year-old who is addicted to writing.
The waves were iron-grey and bone-bitingly-cold, the wind even chiller as it howled around his ears. The sky was bleak and desolate, void and empty.
Jack pulled the collar of the coat up to cover his ears, staring across the austere water. He thought of him, out there in the unknown, exploring the far universes and beyond, so lonely and forever searching for answers that he didn't know the questions for in the first place.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
The Doctor had loved Rose even more than Jack had, and he had lost her, just like Jack had lost them both when he was left behind on that dead Game Station. Jack had thought that he had learnt from that, learnt to never allow himself to love, to spare the heartbreak when he had to lose them.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Jack had kept everybody at arm's reach for so long, afraid of getting hurt. But now everything was changing, and he wasn't sure that he could cope. He felt so lost, unsure of what was the right thing to do. He knew that the Doctor would know, instantly, what to do, but the Doctor wasn't here. Not now. He had made it pretty clear that he didn't want Jack around, or to be around Jack.
Jack had thought that it was finally safe enough to allow somebody else into his heart. He had fallen for the cute Welshman with the beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous body, who made the best coffee in the world and always took Jack back, whatever he had done.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Now Jack had discovered that he was wrong.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
Ianto rested his head against the cold stone wall of the archives. He had thought that it was safe again, and he had been mistaken. He had failed Jack, and Jack had failed him.
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Jack stared up at the sky, wishing more than anything that he could rewind time, stop everything that had just happened. But he couldn't. Not even a certain Timelord could do that. Just like he couldn't fix him. He hadn't even tried - Jack was still fairly sure that there must be some way to make him mortal again, but the Doctor had been too busy with his own woes and problems.
Then Jack had done what the Doctor had done. He hadn't even tried to help Ianto when he was suffering - he had been caught up in his own pain and sorrow. How he regretted that now.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Compared to the Doctor, Jack felt so inadequate. Yes, he had changed, for the better, but would it ever be enough?
Ianto didn't feel like he deserved Jack. How could he, a humble teaboy, have ever done enough to gain the love of somebody like the Captain?
Ianto may not deserve Jack, but he damn well wanted him - no, needed him, even. Ianto would have nothing left if he lost Jack.
So Ianto straightened up and, taking his coat, headed off to find his immortal lover.
Jack looked around at the sound of approaching footsteps. Ianto settled down next to him, impeccably neat - as ever - in his smart black coat.
They didn't say anything for a while, just sitting together and savouring the moment.
Then Jack spoke. 'I'm sorry, Ianto. Really I am.'
Ianto's hand sought out his own, and squeezed it tight. 'I know. And for the record, so am I.'
Jack smiled sadly to himself. He looked back up at the steely sky. 'Sometimes I really hate him,' he said softly.
Ianto didn't even need to ask who he meant. He just replied simply, 'But if he hadn't been around, I wouldn't have you.'
Jack sighed. ''S'pose.'
'Because of him, we've got each other.'
Because of you
Jack looked at his young Welshman fondly. 'And I wouldn't change that for the world.' He leant over and stole a sweet kiss.
Later that night, Jack looked up at the stars shining brightly, like sparkling crystals in the dark purple velvet of the midnight sky. 'I've got this amazing love
Because of you.'
Remembrance