About my silence...
Sometimes I talk so much that I can't talk anymore. I'm tired. tired of talking... of over analyzing myself... of feeling like I am drowning inside what seems like a cup of water. I've realized in the past couple of weeks or so that this year my seasonal affective disorder it hitting me really hard. I hate to feel this out of control of my emotions and actions. Lately every little thing sends me on a rampage. I'm so easily irritated and angered. Its no one's fault... I wish I could explain it better or/and have more words but I don't. That is why I've been hiding out lately... It's been better the past few days... and I'm sure that as I start to take care of myself; I'll feel better. It's just weird for me to understand that about myself... To see myself and know that I don't have complete control over all of my reactions... to come to terms with my own demons sort of speak. I battle with that because I've spent so much time understanding behavior as a conscious process. And to experience that duality... conscious but not conscious... It's like everything is surrounded by a fog of some sort and I can't step out of it... this fog shapes and affects everything...