Fic: Cock Fight
Title: Cock Fight
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Draco, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Morten, Martin
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Language and suggestion
Word count: 1585
Teaser: "...Now stop stalling and get your cock out."
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This drabble/fic was written for fun, not for profit.
Author's note: A (very, very) belated birthday gift for pervy_fairy. This is a sequel to Fowl Play, which was also a gift for my pervy pal!
Summary: Draco wants his cock to be larger and better than Potter's.
Draco hated being upstaged by anyone, but to be made a fool of by Potter was...it was unacceptable. Now that he had seen Potter's cock, Draco wanted one, too. He wanted the other students to talk about his cock in the same awed manner in which they discussed Potter's cock. With the thought in mind that he would not be outdone by Potter, Draco sent a letter home, via owl:
Father,
Harry Potter has a cock of distinctive size and color, and I wish to have one of my own. You've always taught me that a Malfoy must never be upstaged, and I have no wish to be lacking something that the Half-Blood prat has. Therefore, Father, I must insist that you get me my own cock, post haste.
Give my regards to Mother.
Sincerely,
Draco
The next day, Draco received a response from Lucius Malfoy:
My dear Draco,
Of course, you must have a cock that is larger and more colorful than Potter's, and you shall. To that end, I have sent to Brazil, where the largest, most vivid cocks can be found. Yours will be arriving on Saturday. A courier-wizard will Portkey near Hogsmeade that day, and will meet you by the fountain in the center of the village. He has already been well paid, so do not offer him a sickle more. If there is anything else you need, you have only to ask.
I trust all is going well with your courtship of Miss Parkinson?
Sincerely,
LM
Draco sneered as he read the last line of the note. Pansy Parkinson, indeed. Had his father seen the pug-faced twit? Did Lucius want grandchildren that looked like Pansy? The remainder of the message had been exciting, however. He couldn't wait to see his cock and compare it to Potter's.
~*~
Saturday was clouded over and gloomy, but nothing could dampen Draco's spirits. Today, he was getting a cock of his own! He traveled to Hogsmeade with the rest of the students, but he waved his fellow Slytherins ahead and waited by the fountain, instead. He was approached not twenty minutes later by a swarthy stranger, bearing a crate. Draco accepted the wooden, slatted box from the man, then sent him on his way. Then, with no regard for his fellows, he rushed back to Hogwarts to get his first look at his new cock. He tapped the crate with his wand and intoned, "Alohomora!" The lid opened, and Draco peered inside.
From the crate, there came a loud 'Begawk!', and a large, brightly plumed cock hopped up on the edge of the box and eyeballed Draco from that vantage point. Tentatively, he reached out and stroked its shiny feathers, marveling at the vivid hues. With a grin, he realized his cock was definitely more colorful than Potter's, but it was hard to tell if his was bigger or not. The best way to find out, he reasoned, was to challenge Potter to compare their cocks side by side. To achieve that end, he took up a quill and parchment and wrote a note to his rival:
Potter:
I bet ten galleons my cock is larger, stronger and better than yours. I propose we allow them to go head to head, tomorrow night, in the privacy of those willows down by the lake. What say you?
~ D Malfoy
~*~
Harry stared at the note in his hand, grimacing angrily.
"What is it, mate?" asked Ron, thwarting the escape attempt of a chocolate frog and popping it into his mouth.
"Malfoy has his own cock now, and he's challenging Morten to a duel," snorted Harry.
From her seat on the sofa in the common room, Hermione looked up sharply. "Cock fighting is illegal, Harry," she pointed out. "Beyond that, it's cruel and inhumane, and I forbid you to go engage in such...chauvinistic behavior!"
Ron rolled his eyes at Harry but wisely remained silent.
"Bloody hell, Hermione!" exclaimed Harry. "I can't allow another bloke, especially a prick like Malfoy, to claim his cock is bigger and better than mine and not rise to the challenge! Besides, Morten can take care of himself."
In answer, Hermione slammed her book shut and stomped up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.
"What's got her knickers in a knot?" demanded Harry, looking at his best friend.
Ron simply shrugged and dispatched another chocolate frog.
~*~
Still angry at her friends, Hermione hadn't spoken to Harry or Ron at breakfast, and she spent the majority of her Sunday afternoon in the library, researching some complicated spells. Once she was satisfied that she had found the proper spell to accomplish what she wanted, Hermione returned to the Gryffindor common room in high spirits. "Hello, Harry...Ron," she smiled as she sailed through the room and upstairs to her dorm.
Harry watched her go, suspicion coloring his words as he turned to Ron. "She's up to something," he declared.
"Who cares?" shrugged the redhead. "At least we're not getting the cold shoulder again."
~*~
Harry waited until after dinner that evening, when it was getting dark. Morten was more mellow and relaxed at that time, as his roosting instincts took over. Harry removed the cock from its crate and wrapped a towel gently around Morten before grabbing his outer cloak and slipping quietly from his dorm room on his way to meet Malfoy.
Hermione waited until Harry had left through the portrait hole before sneaking above stairs to rummage through her friend's belongings. She found Harry's Invisibility Cloak at the bottom of his trunk and hastily donned it before easing out of the Gryffindor Common room and hastening to catch up to Harry. Spying his messy mop of hair ahead of her on the stairs, she slowed her steps and began following him at a discreet distance.
Harry stepped outside and looked about stealthily before continuing on his way. He had tucked Morten inside the folds of his cloak, and he hoped his cock would remain quiet and still within his clothing. Harry made his way towards the lake, cresting a small rise and then picking a careful path to the stand of willows in the small gully there. Malfoy had chosen this spot wisely, as it was out of sight of the castle, and they were unlikely to be found out and punished.
Harry brushed hanging branches out of his way and entered the small clearing that was sheltered by the trees. It was extremely dark, and he paused a moment to get his bearings. Suddenly, someone whispered, "Lumos," and several lanterns flared with light, nearly blinding Harry. Squinting, he was just able to make out the dark form and pale hair of his rival.
"It took you long enough, Potter," Draco snapped, giving himself time to adjust to the sudden light as well.
"You said to wait until night time," Harry bit out, struggling to keep his temper under control.
Draco ignored the other boy's comment in favor of asking, "Do you have your cock with you?"
"Yes," replied Harry. "Did you bring yours?"
"Of course," sniffed Draco, bending to open the crate next to him. His own cock was just beginning to stir inside, no doubt stimulated by the sudden brightness. Picking the large bird up carefully, he turned to Potter and smirked, "Meet Martin."
"Martin?!" exclaimed Harry. "Wow, Malfoy, what an original name."
"Shut up, Potter," hissed Draco. "It was the name on the crate. Now stop stalling, and get your cock out."
With an exaggerated sigh, Harry reached into the folds of his cloak and withdrew Morten, petting his crest then setting his cock on the ground. Malfoy set his own cock down and stood back.
Morten and Martin spied one another at the same time and approached each other cautiously, clucking softly. Martin was the more colorful of the two, that much was obvious, but it was impossible to tell which cock was bigger. They would have to get much closer in order to make a determination. When there was still nearly a meter separating them, both cocks began to posture, holding their wings out from their bodies to appear larger and circling one another in a threatening manner.
From her vantage point just within the cover of the trees, Hermione observed what appeared to be the beginnings of what would surely turn into a bloody cock fight. Well, it wasn't going to happen while she was around! Whispering her battle cry, "Make love, not war!", Hermione shrugged Harry's cloak from her shoulders and drew her wand, aiming it at the tableau in front of her. With a swirl of her elegant wand, she yelled the spell she had spent all afternoon researching: "Amatorious, cocks!"
There, that would cause Harry and Malfoy's cocks to fall in love with one another, thereby avoiding any bloodshed. The spell worked perfectly. Morten and Martin's feathers smoothed immediately, and they began to coo and sidle up next to one another. Hermione's triumphant grin lasted all of two seconds before she came to the shocking realization that her carefully researched spell had worked too well.
Morten and Martin were not the only pair of cocks that were now rubbing together.
Hermione did the only thing a proper, well-brought-up, ladylike, girly girl could be expected to do in such a circumstance. She shrieked and ran.
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Draco, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Morten, Martin
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Language and suggestion
Word count: 1585
Teaser: "...Now stop stalling and get your cock out."
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This drabble/fic was written for fun, not for profit.
Author's note: A (very, very) belated birthday gift for pervy_fairy. This is a sequel to Fowl Play, which was also a gift for my pervy pal!
Summary: Draco wants his cock to be larger and better than Potter's.
Draco hated being upstaged by anyone, but to be made a fool of by Potter was...it was unacceptable. Now that he had seen Potter's cock, Draco wanted one, too. He wanted the other students to talk about his cock in the same awed manner in which they discussed Potter's cock. With the thought in mind that he would not be outdone by Potter, Draco sent a letter home, via owl:
Father,
Harry Potter has a cock of distinctive size and color, and I wish to have one of my own. You've always taught me that a Malfoy must never be upstaged, and I have no wish to be lacking something that the Half-Blood prat has. Therefore, Father, I must insist that you get me my own cock, post haste.
Give my regards to Mother.
Sincerely,
Draco
The next day, Draco received a response from Lucius Malfoy:
My dear Draco,
Of course, you must have a cock that is larger and more colorful than Potter's, and you shall. To that end, I have sent to Brazil, where the largest, most vivid cocks can be found. Yours will be arriving on Saturday. A courier-wizard will Portkey near Hogsmeade that day, and will meet you by the fountain in the center of the village. He has already been well paid, so do not offer him a sickle more. If there is anything else you need, you have only to ask.
I trust all is going well with your courtship of Miss Parkinson?
Sincerely,
LM
Draco sneered as he read the last line of the note. Pansy Parkinson, indeed. Had his father seen the pug-faced twit? Did Lucius want grandchildren that looked like Pansy? The remainder of the message had been exciting, however. He couldn't wait to see his cock and compare it to Potter's.
~*~
Saturday was clouded over and gloomy, but nothing could dampen Draco's spirits. Today, he was getting a cock of his own! He traveled to Hogsmeade with the rest of the students, but he waved his fellow Slytherins ahead and waited by the fountain, instead. He was approached not twenty minutes later by a swarthy stranger, bearing a crate. Draco accepted the wooden, slatted box from the man, then sent him on his way. Then, with no regard for his fellows, he rushed back to Hogwarts to get his first look at his new cock. He tapped the crate with his wand and intoned, "Alohomora!" The lid opened, and Draco peered inside.
From the crate, there came a loud 'Begawk!', and a large, brightly plumed cock hopped up on the edge of the box and eyeballed Draco from that vantage point. Tentatively, he reached out and stroked its shiny feathers, marveling at the vivid hues. With a grin, he realized his cock was definitely more colorful than Potter's, but it was hard to tell if his was bigger or not. The best way to find out, he reasoned, was to challenge Potter to compare their cocks side by side. To achieve that end, he took up a quill and parchment and wrote a note to his rival:
Potter:
I bet ten galleons my cock is larger, stronger and better than yours. I propose we allow them to go head to head, tomorrow night, in the privacy of those willows down by the lake. What say you?
~ D Malfoy
~*~
Harry stared at the note in his hand, grimacing angrily.
"What is it, mate?" asked Ron, thwarting the escape attempt of a chocolate frog and popping it into his mouth.
"Malfoy has his own cock now, and he's challenging Morten to a duel," snorted Harry.
From her seat on the sofa in the common room, Hermione looked up sharply. "Cock fighting is illegal, Harry," she pointed out. "Beyond that, it's cruel and inhumane, and I forbid you to go engage in such...chauvinistic behavior!"
Ron rolled his eyes at Harry but wisely remained silent.
"Bloody hell, Hermione!" exclaimed Harry. "I can't allow another bloke, especially a prick like Malfoy, to claim his cock is bigger and better than mine and not rise to the challenge! Besides, Morten can take care of himself."
In answer, Hermione slammed her book shut and stomped up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.
"What's got her knickers in a knot?" demanded Harry, looking at his best friend.
Ron simply shrugged and dispatched another chocolate frog.
~*~
Still angry at her friends, Hermione hadn't spoken to Harry or Ron at breakfast, and she spent the majority of her Sunday afternoon in the library, researching some complicated spells. Once she was satisfied that she had found the proper spell to accomplish what she wanted, Hermione returned to the Gryffindor common room in high spirits. "Hello, Harry...Ron," she smiled as she sailed through the room and upstairs to her dorm.
Harry watched her go, suspicion coloring his words as he turned to Ron. "She's up to something," he declared.
"Who cares?" shrugged the redhead. "At least we're not getting the cold shoulder again."
~*~
Harry waited until after dinner that evening, when it was getting dark. Morten was more mellow and relaxed at that time, as his roosting instincts took over. Harry removed the cock from its crate and wrapped a towel gently around Morten before grabbing his outer cloak and slipping quietly from his dorm room on his way to meet Malfoy.
Hermione waited until Harry had left through the portrait hole before sneaking above stairs to rummage through her friend's belongings. She found Harry's Invisibility Cloak at the bottom of his trunk and hastily donned it before easing out of the Gryffindor Common room and hastening to catch up to Harry. Spying his messy mop of hair ahead of her on the stairs, she slowed her steps and began following him at a discreet distance.
Harry stepped outside and looked about stealthily before continuing on his way. He had tucked Morten inside the folds of his cloak, and he hoped his cock would remain quiet and still within his clothing. Harry made his way towards the lake, cresting a small rise and then picking a careful path to the stand of willows in the small gully there. Malfoy had chosen this spot wisely, as it was out of sight of the castle, and they were unlikely to be found out and punished.
Harry brushed hanging branches out of his way and entered the small clearing that was sheltered by the trees. It was extremely dark, and he paused a moment to get his bearings. Suddenly, someone whispered, "Lumos," and several lanterns flared with light, nearly blinding Harry. Squinting, he was just able to make out the dark form and pale hair of his rival.
"It took you long enough, Potter," Draco snapped, giving himself time to adjust to the sudden light as well.
"You said to wait until night time," Harry bit out, struggling to keep his temper under control.
Draco ignored the other boy's comment in favor of asking, "Do you have your cock with you?"
"Yes," replied Harry. "Did you bring yours?"
"Of course," sniffed Draco, bending to open the crate next to him. His own cock was just beginning to stir inside, no doubt stimulated by the sudden brightness. Picking the large bird up carefully, he turned to Potter and smirked, "Meet Martin."
"Martin?!" exclaimed Harry. "Wow, Malfoy, what an original name."
"Shut up, Potter," hissed Draco. "It was the name on the crate. Now stop stalling, and get your cock out."
With an exaggerated sigh, Harry reached into the folds of his cloak and withdrew Morten, petting his crest then setting his cock on the ground. Malfoy set his own cock down and stood back.
Morten and Martin spied one another at the same time and approached each other cautiously, clucking softly. Martin was the more colorful of the two, that much was obvious, but it was impossible to tell which cock was bigger. They would have to get much closer in order to make a determination. When there was still nearly a meter separating them, both cocks began to posture, holding their wings out from their bodies to appear larger and circling one another in a threatening manner.
From her vantage point just within the cover of the trees, Hermione observed what appeared to be the beginnings of what would surely turn into a bloody cock fight. Well, it wasn't going to happen while she was around! Whispering her battle cry, "Make love, not war!", Hermione shrugged Harry's cloak from her shoulders and drew her wand, aiming it at the tableau in front of her. With a swirl of her elegant wand, she yelled the spell she had spent all afternoon researching: "Amatorious, cocks!"
There, that would cause Harry and Malfoy's cocks to fall in love with one another, thereby avoiding any bloodshed. The spell worked perfectly. Morten and Martin's feathers smoothed immediately, and they began to coo and sidle up next to one another. Hermione's triumphant grin lasted all of two seconds before she came to the shocking realization that her carefully researched spell had worked too well.
Morten and Martin were not the only pair of cocks that were now rubbing together.
Hermione did the only thing a proper, well-brought-up, ladylike, girly girl could be expected to do in such a circumstance. She shrieked and ran.