HD OwlPost: Mutiny in the Gallery
Title: Mutiny in the Gallery
Author: enchanted_jae
Summary: When Draco insists that Harry entertain their son, Harry introduces the boy to his Malfoy ancestors.
Word Count: 1405
Rating: PG
Warnings: (Highlight to view) *Just a bit of naughty Harry, along with hinted-at mpreg*
Notes: Happy h(owl)idays to flamingolady, and thanks to emansil for the beta!
"Harry?! Would you please keep Jaxon occupied?" Draco called from the kitchen. "He's being an N-U-I-S-A-N-C-E."
Harry snickered to himself as he headed for the kitchen, intent on saving his husband from their inquisitive son. When he entered the heart of the home, Harry paused to savor the delicious scents of holiday baking.
"But, Daddy," whined Jaxon. "I only had one biscuit."
"You've had three, young man," said Draco. "Don't think I wasn't counting."
"I want to he-elp," Jaxon tried again. His small fingers reached for a bowl of batter.
Harry swooped in before disaster befell his family. He scooped Jaxon off of his chair and tossed him high in the air. Jaxon whooped with glee.
"Papa!" he shouted. "Again!"
"Not in the kitchen, please," Draco insisted.
Harry winked at him and whisked Jaxon out of Draco's lair.
"But, Papa, I want to help Daddy!"
"I think the best thing we can do to help Daddy is to stay out of his way," said Harry. "You know how he gets," he added, rolling his eyes.
Jaxon giggled, then squirmed to be set down. Harry obliged him, but kept hold of his son's hand.
"Papa, I'm bored," Jaxon complained. "There's nothing to do."
"I know what we can do," Harry said, purposefully lowering his voice. He made a pretense of looking around before adding, "However, you must promise not to tell Daddy, okay?"
Jaxon's eyes widened. "I promise," he whispered.
"Pinkie swear," Harry insisted, extending his little finger. "If Daddy finds out, he'll ground us both."
Jaxon solemly hooked his pinkie with Harry's. "Pinkie swear," he intoned.
"Okay," said Harry. "Let's go." He tightened his grip on Jaxon's small hand and dashed down the hall, ducking around a corner before pretending to check for pursuit. Harry glanced down to see his son's eyes shining brightly. Jaxon was obviously excited at this bit of subterfuge. Harry led Jaxon further down the hall, tip-toeing in an exaggerated manner. They arrived at the door that led to the Malfoy Family Gallery.
Harry paused and held a finger to his lips. He craned his neck, looking back the way they'd come.
"Okay, the coast is clear," Harry whispered. "Come on." He opened the door a crack and squeezed through, pulling Jaxon with him. Harry swished his wand, lighting the sconces along the gallery. Figures in the portraits awoke with harrumphs and grumbles.
Jaxon pressed closer to Harry. "Where are we, Papa?"
"This is your Daddy's family," said Harry. "Most of them are mean and surly, which is why your Daddy didn't want you to meet them yet. But, I'll protect you from them."
Harry led Jaxon to the first portrait. "This is Grandfather Lucius' father, Abraxas," said Harry. Addressing the portrait, he said, "Lord Malfoy, may I present your great-grandson, Jaxon Malfoy-Potter. His name is a derivative of yours."
"A Potter, you say?" sniffed old Abraxas. "A good family name, but a family of do-gooders."
Harry bit back a scathing retort and hastened Jaxon on to the next portrait. "This is Abraxas' wife, Delirious." Harry's lips twitched as he fought not to laugh. As long as he was introducing his son to the fussy old Malfoys, he may as well have some fun. "She was often confused."
"Young man, that is not my name," seethed the old witch.
"I told you so," whispered Harry. "She's still confused." He directed Jaxon to the next set of portraits. "This is Obnoxious Malfoy and his wife, Contentious. They were some of the meanest people the wizarding world has ever known."
"I say, young man!"
Harry glanced down at Jaxon, hoping he wasn't afraid. Jaxon didn't appear frightened so much as fascinated. His blue eyes were wide as he stared up at his less-than-savory ancestors. Harry prodded him to the next portrait.
"Here are the maiden aunts, the sisters of old Obnoxious. Their names are Promiscuous and Licentious Malfoy," Harry announced. "They were twins, and neither of them ever married. However, it's commonly believed that their innocence died long before they did."
"How dare you?!" gasped one of the aunts.
Harry made sure his son was looking elsewhere before pulling a face at the dour old biddies. One of them swooned into a faint, slumping onto the fussy settee in the portrait. The other fanned her sister frantically, all while glaring daggers at Harry. He grinned and nudged Jaxon to the next portrait in line.
"This is Obnoxious' brother, Tedious," said Harry, directing Jaxon's attention to the bespectacled old gent. "He was probably the most dull and boring of your relatives."
The portrait harrumphed at him.
"He looks like you, Papa," chirped Jaxon.
Harry glanced up at the portrait. The Malfoy in question was blond, pointy, and sallow. Harry frowned. "How is that, son?"
"He wears glasses, just like you do!"
Harry raised his brows and rubbed his chin. "You're right about that," he said, unable to refute Jaxon's logic. He then guided Jaxon to the next portrait in line. "This is Studious Malfoy-Moreau, a cousin to Obnoxious," said Harry.
The old dame sniffed at him, but Harry simply grinned and persisted. "She was one of the brightest Malfoy witches," he said. "It's rumored that Studious was Sorted into Ravenclaw, but the family made a generous contribution to Hogwarts to get her switched to Slytherin."
"That is a lie!" snapped the woman.
"Huh," mused Harry. "I reckon that means she spent her years at Hogwarts in Ravenclaw."
That comment earned many an exclamation of outrage from the assembled portraits, Slytherins, one and all. Harry snickered and moved on, Jaxon in tow.
"Now, if it could be said that Studious Malfoy-Moreau was the smartest Malfoy, then it's also a fact that old Oblivious Malfoy here was the thickest."
"Why, you impertinent peasant!" sputtered the portrait in question. "I'll show you who's oblivious! Where is my wand?"
"See?" Harry stage-whispered to his son. "The daft old git doesn't even know where his wand is."
"It's right there, Mr Oblivious, sir," Jaxon supplied, pointing helpfully at the table next to the gentleman in the portrait.
Harry hastened Jaxon to the next ancestral Malfoy, not wanting to find out if a portrait could fire off a hex or not. "Now, this is one of my favorites," he said. "This is Rebellious Malfoy-Rogers. He bucked tradition and took a husband, long before it was an acceptable practice."
"Like you and Daddy?" asked Jaxon.
"Exactly."
The portrait's mouth dropped open in astonishment. "Slander," he snarled.
"There's no need to continue denying it," Harry chided. "Society no longer frowns on such unions." He chivied Jaxon along before Draco's ancestor could lodge another protest.
"Now this," said Harry, gesturing to the next portrait in line, "is Ambitious Anxious Malfoy. He was brilliant and could have elevated the family name to new heights, but he was too afraid of failure to attempt anything. A shame, really."
"That is not true, young man. Why, I'll have you know that it was my potion that--"
"Moving on," Harry interjected as he nudged Jaxon forward. "This is your father's many times great-grandmother, Superstitious Ladderkin-Malfoy," he ad-libbed. "She was afraid to leave her suite of rooms, for fear of falling victim to bad luck. It didn't help that she was married to this bloke, Suspicious Malfoy. He was constantly vigilant for plots against the family, and their combined paranoia nearly ended the line."
"You are making that up," accused the man in the portrait.
"See?" Harry nodded. "He's suspicious of us. Now, up ahead here is--"
"Harry Malfoy-Potter!"
Harry winced and turned around to see his husband stalking towards him from the entrance to the gallery.
"What are you doing in here?" Draco demanded. "The portraits in the kitchen are in an uproar, saying there is a mad man loose in the gallery."
Harry placed a protective hand on Jaxon's head, subtly pushing his son behind him as he did so. "Ahem, I was just introducing Jaxon to his illustrious ancestors."
"He's making things up!"
"He's telling lies!"
"He has disparaged the family name!"
"Off with his head!"
"Silence!" Draco bit out, putting a halt to the portraits' tirade. He paused to draw in a breath before addressing Harry once more. "We shall discuss this later, Harry. Jaxon, come with me to the kitchen. You may help ice the biscuits for me."
Harry brightened. "May I have a biscuit?"
"Certainly not," Draco growled. "You're grounded."
Cross-posted to AO3
Cross-posted to hd_owlpost