Chicken Rant
Title: Chicken Rant
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Harry, Draco
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Pre-slash, minor violence
Word count: 580
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This fic/drabble was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
♦ Birthday gift for aliasfanatic04, with the prompts starry night, candle, stormy night.
♦ hp_creatures current prompt of shower, Tokyo
Author's note: Part of my Reducto arc.
Summary: Harry isn't going to get lucky tonight, either.
"It was a dark and stormy night, and our intrepid heroes-"
"The stars are shining, you plonker," muttered Malfoy.
Harry made a face at his partner in the darkness. "It was a bright and starry night, and our intrepid heroes lay in wait to ambush the horrific, fire-breathing chicken."
Beside him, Malfoy snorted. "The creature is called a Basan," he said.
"If it even exists," said Harry. "This is absurd. Why do we keep getting sent on such ridiculous missions?" Their current mission was in Japan. Harry and Malfoy had Portkeyed to Tokyo, where they were debriefed by a member of Japan's DMLE. Then, they had Apparated to this remote location where a Basan was said to be terrorizing the locals.
"Dawlish wants us dead," Malfoy stated. "That is the reason he keeps sending us on these fools' missions."
"Dawlish doesn't want us dead," scoffed Harry, "although he did say he'd kill us if we used another Reducto spell."
"Don't worry, Potter. I've no intentions of being splattered with giblets tonight."
The two Aurors lapsed into silence. Harry used the lull to fantasize about peeling Malfoy out of his uniform and shagging him rotten. The only thing more ridiculous than this mission was the burning desire he harbored for his partner. Harry was convinced that if he could slake his lust just once, he'd be satisfied. His thoughts were making him hard. Harry shifted on the cold ground, seeking some small relief.
"What is that flicker?" hissed Malfoy.
"Where?"
"Down the hill, to our left."
Harry's eyes strained in the darkness. "I don't see--wait! Yes, I see it now. Could it be a lantern or a candle, perhaps?"
"The locals are terrified of the fire-breathing chicken monster, remember?" said Malfoy. "I doubt one of them is gadding about the hillside with a candle."
"Maybe it's the great, fire-breathing chicken monster himself," snapped Harry.
"Herself."
"Sorry?"
"Chickens are female, Potter," said Malfoy. "If it was male, it would be a fire-breathing rooster."
"Thank you, Hermione," Harry snarked. "Next time I want to know-"
BA-CAWK!
"Salazar's sagging sac," gasped Malfoy. "It's a bloody fire-breathing chicken!"
Harry cast a shielding charm and ducked his head. "Do you think it knows we're here?"
"Considering that it's coming this way, I'd say yes."
Harry lifted his head in time to see a man-sized chicken charging up the hill towards them, beak open to expel a ball of flame. The fire whooshed harmlessly over his shield spell, but Harry could feel the heat of it on his back.
BA-CAWK!
The chicken opened its beak once more. Malfoy reared up and cast a spell. "Aguamenti!"
The chicken's next fireball sputtered out, which only seemed to enrage it.
BA-CAWK!
"Incarcerous!" shouted Harry. Ropes shot from his wand and wrapped around the Basan.
BA-CAWK!
The great chicken used its flames to burn the ropes to cinders. It clacked its beak in a menacing fashion and advanced on them.
"Stupefy!" Malfoy's spell met the Basan's incoming fireball, and the two magics canceled one another out. The Basan was almost on top of them now.
Harry panicked. "Reducto!"
...
"Potter?"
"Yeah?"
"What did I say earlier about not wanting to be covered in giblets?"
Harry ignored his partner's jibe and wiped blood and feathers off of his face. He'd just saved Malfoy's life, but Harry doubted he would be rewarded with sex. He heaved a dispirited sigh. "Back to our hotel for a scalding hot shower?"
Bat Bunt
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Harry, Draco
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Pre-slash, minor violence
Word count: 580
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This fic/drabble was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
♦ Birthday gift for aliasfanatic04, with the prompts starry night, candle, stormy night.
♦ hp_creatures current prompt of shower, Tokyo
Author's note: Part of my Reducto arc.
Summary: Harry isn't going to get lucky tonight, either.
"It was a dark and stormy night, and our intrepid heroes-"
"The stars are shining, you plonker," muttered Malfoy.
Harry made a face at his partner in the darkness. "It was a bright and starry night, and our intrepid heroes lay in wait to ambush the horrific, fire-breathing chicken."
Beside him, Malfoy snorted. "The creature is called a Basan," he said.
"If it even exists," said Harry. "This is absurd. Why do we keep getting sent on such ridiculous missions?" Their current mission was in Japan. Harry and Malfoy had Portkeyed to Tokyo, where they were debriefed by a member of Japan's DMLE. Then, they had Apparated to this remote location where a Basan was said to be terrorizing the locals.
"Dawlish wants us dead," Malfoy stated. "That is the reason he keeps sending us on these fools' missions."
"Dawlish doesn't want us dead," scoffed Harry, "although he did say he'd kill us if we used another Reducto spell."
"Don't worry, Potter. I've no intentions of being splattered with giblets tonight."
The two Aurors lapsed into silence. Harry used the lull to fantasize about peeling Malfoy out of his uniform and shagging him rotten. The only thing more ridiculous than this mission was the burning desire he harbored for his partner. Harry was convinced that if he could slake his lust just once, he'd be satisfied. His thoughts were making him hard. Harry shifted on the cold ground, seeking some small relief.
"What is that flicker?" hissed Malfoy.
"Where?"
"Down the hill, to our left."
Harry's eyes strained in the darkness. "I don't see--wait! Yes, I see it now. Could it be a lantern or a candle, perhaps?"
"The locals are terrified of the fire-breathing chicken monster, remember?" said Malfoy. "I doubt one of them is gadding about the hillside with a candle."
"Maybe it's the great, fire-breathing chicken monster himself," snapped Harry.
"Herself."
"Sorry?"
"Chickens are female, Potter," said Malfoy. "If it was male, it would be a fire-breathing rooster."
"Thank you, Hermione," Harry snarked. "Next time I want to know-"
BA-CAWK!
"Salazar's sagging sac," gasped Malfoy. "It's a bloody fire-breathing chicken!"
Harry cast a shielding charm and ducked his head. "Do you think it knows we're here?"
"Considering that it's coming this way, I'd say yes."
Harry lifted his head in time to see a man-sized chicken charging up the hill towards them, beak open to expel a ball of flame. The fire whooshed harmlessly over his shield spell, but Harry could feel the heat of it on his back.
BA-CAWK!
The chicken opened its beak once more. Malfoy reared up and cast a spell. "Aguamenti!"
The chicken's next fireball sputtered out, which only seemed to enrage it.
BA-CAWK!
"Incarcerous!" shouted Harry. Ropes shot from his wand and wrapped around the Basan.
BA-CAWK!
The great chicken used its flames to burn the ropes to cinders. It clacked its beak in a menacing fashion and advanced on them.
"Stupefy!" Malfoy's spell met the Basan's incoming fireball, and the two magics canceled one another out. The Basan was almost on top of them now.
Harry panicked. "Reducto!"
...
"Potter?"
"Yeah?"
"What did I say earlier about not wanting to be covered in giblets?"
Harry ignored his partner's jibe and wiped blood and feathers off of his face. He'd just saved Malfoy's life, but Harry doubted he would be rewarded with sex. He heaved a dispirited sigh. "Back to our hotel for a scalding hot shower?"
Bat Bunt