HPCreatures fest fic: Draco Malfoy, Drama Llama
Title: Draco Malfoy, Drama Llama
Author: enchanted_jae
Prompt: #7 for phoenixacid
Creature: Llama
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count: 4733
Rating: PG13
Beta: kitty_fic
Warnings: (highlight to read)*One melodramatic llama, and sexual suggestion*
Author's Notes: I loved the prompt, phoenixacid, and I hope I've done it justice.
Disclaimer: This piece of fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by J. K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, andWarner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offense is intended. All characters depicted in sexual situations are above the age of consent.
Summary: A stolen chocolate lands Draco Malfoy in a sticky situation, but how did Harry get caught up in the drama?
Harry glanced up from reading the Quibbler when his Floo activated. He nodded to Ron's disembodied head. "Hey, mate."
"Say, Harry? Would you come to the shop? We have a situation here."
"A situation?" Harry repeated. He had resigned from the Aurors last year, and he couldn't imagine what Ron would need him for.
"I can't explain it," said Ron. "Won't you please just come through?"
xxx
Harry couldn't stop laughing.
"Potter, I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here!" cried Draco Malfoy. "POTTER!"
Harry finally managed to get his mirth under control. "Okay," he said to George and Ron. "Explain this to me one more time."
"We developed a new prank," said George. "It's a chocolate, designed to turn the person who eats it into an animal that suits his or her personality."
"It still needed to be tested, but then Malfoy strutted into the shop and nicked a chocolate off of the tray," Ron added with a shrug.
"You lie!" protested Malfoy, stamping one foot for emphasis.
Harry turned around and snickered again. "A llama, Malfoy?" he taunted. "Really? I would have thought you would turn into a ferret."
Harry barely dodged the vile missile that Malfoy spat his way. "Oy!" he complained. "There's no need for that!"
"How dare you mock me, Potter?"
Harry held his hands up, even as he grinned. "You're a talking llama, Malfoy," he said. "Pardon me if I find that somewhat amusing."
George's expression grew uncharacteristically sober. "What isn't amusing is that we're not yet sure of an antidote," he said. "Worse, if we can't reverse the spell, Malfoy will be stuck as a llama for the rest of his life."
"What?!" screeched Malfoy. He threw his head back and stomped around in a small circle in the courtyard behind the shop. "This is just fabulous!" he cried. "FABULOUS!"
"Calm down, Malfoy," said Harry. He turned to look at his friends. "How soon can you come up with an antidote?"
"It may take a few days," said Ron.
"DAYS?!" bleated Malfoy. "I can't wait days! My mum mustn't see me like this. She'll have an attack of the vapors!"
Harry was of the opinion that Narcissa Malfoy was made of sterner stuff than that, but he didn't argue with Malfoy. Harry looked at Ron. "Maybe you can take him to the Burrow-"
"No!" "Absolutely not!"
Harry blinked in surprise. He wasn't sure who had protested more loudly: Ron or Malfoy. "I suppose he can stay here in-"
"He can't stay back here," George said, shaking his head. "I have a business to run."
"A sham of a business, if you ask me!"
"No one asked you, Malfoy!" George countered. He glared at the llama for another moment before turning back to Harry again. "Anyway, Harry, Ron and I have come up with the perfect solution, which is why we asked you to come here."
Harry began to get a Very Bad Feeling.
Ron cleared his throat. "Harry, you bought that small estate outside of Godric's Hollow-"
"No!" "Absolutely not!"
Harry purposefully did not look at Malfoy, lest he demand to know why his estate wasn't good enough. Instead, Harry focused on his friends. "I cannot be responsible for Malfoy's welfare, because I will kill him."
"I'd rather die than stay at your hovel in the woods!"
"It's not a hovel, and I don't want you there!"
"I don't want to go there!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"If you two are done acting like First years?" George drawled.
Harry scowled at him, while Malfoy flattened his ears.
George held up his hands. "Malfoy can't stay here, not without causing a sensation. If we take him home, his mother will have the vapors." George rolled his eyes at that last bit, but he said it without laughing. "We can't take him to the Burrow, or our mum will have the vapors. Harry, you're our only hope."
Harry clutched his head in both hands. "Somebody Crucio me now."
xxx
"Here is the barn and paddock," said Harry in his best Host with the Most voice. "I'd like to buy a couple of horses some day, but it's empty for now. You should be quite comfortable in here."
Malfoy's lip lifted, astounding Harry with his ability to sneer while in the form of a llama.
"Surely, you do not expect me to stay in a barn," Malfoy said, voice stiff with righteous indignation.
"Yes, and don't call me Shirley," quipped Harry.
Malfoy blinked his obnoxiously long-lashed eyes. "Excuse me?"
Harry threw his hands up. "Look, Malfoy, you cannot come inside the house like that."
"Are you suggesting I am unclean?"
"It doesn't matter how clean you are; you're a bloody llama!"
"Fabulous!" exclaimed Malfoy, stomping around the perimeter of the paddock. "This is just bloody fabulous! Suddenly, I'm not fit to set foot in Harry sodding Potter's house! FABULOUS!"
Harry strove not to laugh, but his lips twitched and gave him away.
"Are you LAUGHING at me, Potter?!"
"You are being quite melodramatic, Malfoy."
"How would you react if someone turned you into a llama?!"
"I reckon I'd be spitting mad," Harry said with a chuckle. He had to dodge a gob of spittle that Malfoy sent his way.
"Oy, and you ask why I won't let you inside the house?!"
"Hullo, Mr Potter? Do you have company?"
Harry panicked. His overbearing, nosy neighbor was strolling down the lane. Mrs Dipple owned the estate adjacent to Harry's, and she had a habit of feeding him and trying to fob her homely niece off on him.
Harry aimed a glare at Malfoy. "Not one word, do you hear me?" he warned. "If you say anything, I'll shear you bald, just see if I don't." Harry didn't wait for a response; he moved away from the paddock to intercept his neighbor.
"Mrs Dipple, how nice to see you," Harry greeted.
"Do you have visitors, dear?" Mrs Dipple asked. "I thought I heard you talking as I was coming down the drive."
"Oh, er, I can explain. I was talking to my new pet llama," Harry improvised, gesturing to Malfoy. "He's a good listener," Harry added.
Mrs Dipple squealed like a school girl. "Oh, isn't he just the most adorable thing ever?!" She rushed up to the paddock and reached for Malfoy, who flattened his ears and backed away.
"He's not terribly sociable," said Harry, hoping to draw the woman away from Malfoy. He didn't fancy having to Obliviate his neighbor if Malfoy couldn't resist insulting her.
"Rubbish," snorted Mrs Dipple. "All of God's creatures love me. Isn't that right, little llama-wama?" she cooed. "Come to Doretta, sweetie."
Mrs Dipple had stepped right up to the paddock fence and was leaning over it, reaching for Malfoy.
Harry began to sweat. "Mrs Dipple, please be careful."
"Are you certain he's feeling well, dear?" she asked. "His behavior is abnormal."
"He did have a touch of diarrhea," Harry said.
Mrs Dipple took a hasty step back. "Perhaps you should ring the vet," she suggested.
"Oh, ah, I've already had a veterinarian look at him," said Harry. "He prescribed rest."
Mrs Dipple seemed inclined to stay and chat, but Harry eventually ushered her on her way. Harry sighed in relief and turned to go into his house. No doubt, there was a layer of dust on everything since the last time he'd been to Godric's Hollow.
"Potter, don't you dare leave me out here!"
Harry tensed once again. He pivoted around to face his unwelcome guest. "You are not setting hoof in my house, and that's final."
"Help!" yelled Malfoy. He threw his head back and yelled louder, "HELP! I've been abducted!"
Harry rushed the fence in a panic. "Shut it, Malfoy! My neighbors will hear you!"
"They won't hear me if I'm inside," Malfoy said slyly.
Harry ground his back teeth together in frustration before he caved. "Alright, you ruddy wanker," he snarled. "You can come inside." Harry opened the latch on the gate and swung it open.
Malfoy sauntered out, head held high. Harry punched him on the flank on the way by, and he suffered a kick to the shin for his trouble. Harry swore and limped past Malfoy to open the door. He walked in and stepped to the side, fighting the temptation to slam the door on Malfoy's muzzle.
Malfoy strutted inside, lips lifting in a llama sneer. "Nice shack, Potter."
"If you don't like it, you're welcome to spend the night in the barn."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"No," said Harry, "I would like it if you weren't here at all."
"It's not my fault!"
"It is, too, your fault," Harry argued. "You nicked a chocolate, and look at what happened to you."
"I have a sweet tooth; don't judge me!"
Harry couldn't help himself; he began to laugh.
"What is so amusing, you peasant?"
Harry shook his head. "I am standing in my house, arguing with a llama."
"I'm thrilled that you find it funny, Potter, but if your moronic friends don't come through, I will be stuck like this FOREVER!" He made an odd moaning noise and folded his legs, flopping down in the middle of Harry's living room floor.
Harry instantly felt contrite. "I'm sorry, Malfoy," he said. "Try not to worry. Hermione will come through; she always does."
Malfoy heaved a sigh, causing his llama lips to quiver. He laid his head down, and his eyes drooped.
"Er, can I get you anything?" Harry offered. A depressed Malfoy was no fun.
"A pillow and some blankets would be lovely," Malfoy replied without opening his eyes.
Harry nodded, even though Malfoy couldn't see him, and dashed up the stairs to snag a pillow and blankets from the spare bedroom. Harry returned to the living room and made up a pallet on the floor. Malfoy bestirred himself enough to get up, take two steps to his makeshift bed, and collapse on it gracelessly.
"Are you hungry?" asked Harry.
"No."
"Thirsty?"
"No."
"Would you like to watch the telly?"
"No."
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"No."
"Sorry?"
Malfoy raised his head. "I'm bored and lonely," he said.
"Lonely? I'm right here, Malfoy."
"I'm the only wizard llama in existence," said Malfoy. "It's lonely."
Harry wanted to tell him he was being melodramatic again, but he held his tongue. "I'm not certain if I can entertain you," he opted to say.
"Do you have a chess board?"
"Yeah," Harry replied, "but how can you play chess without hands?"
"Simple," said Malfoy, perking up a tad. "I'll tell you where to move my pieces."
xxx
Harry slumped back against the sofa and groaned. "I've been drubbed at chess by a llama," he grumbled. "I'll never be able to show my face in public again."
Malfoy threw his head back and laughed, exposing his large teeth. "You're terrible at chess," he said. "I reckon an actual llama could drub you."
"Oy!"
"Potter, I'm hungry."
Harry stood up from the floor and stretched. "George sent some hay--"
"HAY?!"
"...and I can run some water into a bucket for you."
"Potter, I would like a roast with potatoes and gravy."
"You can't eat that!" cried Harry. "Llamas aren't carnivores. Your teeth and stomach aren't designed to eat meat."
"Then fix me some potatoes and carrots."
Harry put his hands on his hips. "You'll eat hay or go hungry."
"FINE! I'LL JUST STARVE TO DEATH!"
"Fine! I'll just go on up to bed while you sit down here, starving to death!"
xxx
Harry trudged down the stairs the following morning, pulling up short to frown and wrinkle his nose. "What is that stench?"
Malfoy lowered his head, and he turned his back on Harry.
Harry waved a hand in front of his nose. "You could have told me you had to...you know."
"This is humiliating, Potter."
Harry was about to castigate his malodorous house guest some more, but Malfoy's posture was so defeated that he didn't have the heart to do it. "Okay," Harry sighed. He drew his wand and cast a strong Scourgify on the floor.
"In the future, please just tell me you need to go outside," Harry suggested gently.
Malfoy's head dipped in a nod. "I'm hungry," he whined.
"You'll have to eat the hay," said Harry. "If I give you anything else, you'll get sick." He crossed to the door and opened it. "Come on, the hay is in the barn. I promise I won't leave you outside."
Harry walked out and held the door for Malfoy to maneuver through. He heard a gasp from behind him. Harry whirled around and saw his neighbor standing at the edge of the lawn. "Mrs Dipple!" cried Harry. "I can explain..."
"Mr Potter, an animal that size belongs outside," sniffed Mrs Dipple. "If you are lonely for companionship, perhaps you should acquire a dog or a cat." Her eyes gleamed. "Of course, I can always introduce you to my niece, Erline."
"Th-that's okay, Mrs Dipple," Harry babbled. "I don't plan to stay in Godric's Hollow for long. I have business to attend to in London."
"I see," Mrs Dipple sighed. She approached Harry, keeping a wary eye on Malfoy. He snorted and ambled a few paces away.
Harry noted that Malfoy remained within hearing distance, the nosy fiend.
"I brought you a freshly baked apple pie," said Mrs Dipple, thrusting a fragrant basket into Harry's hands. "It's Erline's recipe."
"I'm sure it will be delicious," said Harry. "Thank you."
"Does your llama still have the runs?" Mrs Dipple asked, eyeing Malfoy with some trepidation.
"No," Harry said slowly, recalling the mess he'd cleaned up earlier.
"What have you been feeding it?"
"Hay," replied Harry. He heard Malfoy snort again.
"Perhaps it would benefit from some grain, as well," suggested Mrs Dipple.
"That's an excellent idea, thank you," Harry said, trying to sound gracious. Mrs Dipple took her leave, and Harry turned to take his pie into the house.
"Where are you going with that, Potter?"
Harry's back stiffened. "I'm putting it inside," he said, deliberately not looking Malfoy.
"I want it."
"You can't eat apple pie!"
"POTTER, I AM STARVING!"
"You can't have apple pie, and that's final," growled Harry. "Your physiology won't tolerate it. Go nibble on the hay."
"Well, this is simply fabulous," Malfoy complained. "You're sneaking off to stuff apple pie in your gob, while I'm forced to subsist on roughage."
Harry was about to argue the point further when he heard the Floo in his house activate. He rushed inside, ignoring Malfoy's continued complaints.
"Harry? Are you home?"
"I'm here, Hermione," panted Harry, dashing into the study with the apple pie in his hands.
Hermione squinted at him through the flames. "Where is Malfoy?"
"He's out in the paddock," Harry replied. "Are you having any luck with an antidote?"
"Perhaps," said Hermione. "May I come through?"
Harry stepped back and gestured for her to enter his home. A moment later, Hermione emerged from the fireplace and brushed soot from her hair. "I'm working on a potion," she said, "but I may need one of Malfoy's hairs to complete it."
"Hair of the llama?" Harry chuckled.
"This is serious, Harry," chided Hermione. "He could be stuck in that form if we can't reverse the spell."
"That would be bad," said Harry. "Believe it or not, Malfoy is more obnoxious as a llama than he is as a person."
Hermione winced. "Let's see what we can do, then," she said with a decisive air.
Harry detoured into the kitchen to set the pie on the table before leading Hermione out the front door. Malfoy was nowhere to be seen. Harry's pulse jumped in alarm. "Malfoy?" he called out.
Malfoy poked his head out of the barn, his jaw working as he chewed on hay. He saw Hermione and quickly swallowed what was in his mouth. "Thank Merlin you're here, Granger," said Malfoy, trotting up to the fence. "Potter is trying to starve me into submission."
"Stop being such a...a drama llama," Harry grumbled. He looked at Hermione. "Malfoy wanted the pie, but I told him he had to eat hay."
"Harry's right," Hermione said to Malfoy. "As a llama, you need to eat the same things that regular llamas do."
"Well, that's just FABULOUS!" Malfoy snapped. He stalked back towards the barn.
"Malfoy, wait," said Hermione. "I'm working on an antidote-"
"Is it ready?!"
"...and I need some of your fur."
Malfoy turned around and trotted up to Hermione. "Take what you need," he said. "The sooner this ordeal is over, the better."
Hermione reached over the fence and spent a moment running her fingers through Malfoy's coat.
"Are you petting me, Granger?"
"You're so soft," she said, blushing a little.
"Let me see," said Harry. He, too, reached over the fence and stroked Malfoy's neck.
Malfoy sighed in contentment, and his eyelids drooped. He then shook himself and flattened his ears. "I am not a pet," he sniffed. "Kindly take what hair you need and leave me alone WITH MY HAY!"
Hermione snapped an apology and plucked several hairs from Malfoy's neck, ignoring his dramatic bleat of pain. "Harry, I'll firecall you to let you know how the antidote is going," she said before returning to the house and Harry's Floo.
Harry turned to glare at Malfoy. "You shouldn't be rude to Hermione," he said. "She's trying to help, you twat."
"I wouldn't need help if her STUPID BLOODY BOYFRIEND HADN'T TURNED ME INTO A LLAMA!"
"Keep your voice down," hissed Harry. "Do you want word to get back to your mum that you're staying here as a llama?"
Malfoy treated Harry to another llama sneer before returning to the barn. "I'll just be in here, EATING MY HAY!"
Harry chose not to pursue the matter. Instead, he went back inside and helped himself to a large slice of apple pie.
xxx
Harry was flicking his wand around to tidy the house when he heard a thump at the door. He peered outside and saw Malfoy standing on the stoop. Harry opened the door and stepped back, and Malfoy ambled inside and flopped down on his pallet.
"How was the hay?" Harry asked in an attempt to be polite.
"It was dreadful, Potter."
"At least you're no longer hungry, yeah?"
"Not hungry, no."
Malfoy's defeatist attitude was making Harry nervous. "Are you thirsty? Can I get you anything?"
"I'm randy, Potter."
Harry felt his mouth fall open, and it took him a moment to close it again. "R-randy?"
"It's unbearable, Potter, and I can't rub one out BECAUSE I HAVE NO HANDS!"
"I hope you don't expect me to lend you a hand?"
"That would be spiffing, Potter."
"No! Absolutely not!"
"Potter, I am dying here!"
"Malfoy, I am not going to engage in any sort of...of bestiality with you, and that's final."
"I am not a beast!" Malfoy cried. "I am a person WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE A LLAMA!"
"Malfoy, you are a llama!"
Malfoy's eyes narrowed in speculation, and Harry got a Very Bad Feeling.
"Potter, why don't you Transfigure yourself into a llama? You're bent, I'm bent, we can be bent llamas together."
Harry was appalled. He didn't know which shocked him more: Malfoy's outrageous suggestion, or the fact that his cock gave a giddy twitch at said suggestion. Harry strove for a reasonable rejection of Malfoy's request. "It's not possible for a wizard to Transfigure himself into an animal unless he's an Animagus."
"Give me your wand, and I'll Transfigure you."
"Hands, Malfoy. You don't have them, remember?"
"I'll hold your wand in my mouth!"
"How can you utter the incantation if you have a wand in your mouth?!"
"I'll think of something, Potter. I'm desperate! I AM A LONELY LLAMA IN NEED OF LOVE!"
Harry's mouth worked, but no sound emerged. Finally, he threw his hands up in the air and said, "I am not having this conversation." Harry turned his back on his uninvited guest and stalked towards the kitchen.
"Potter, is there any apple pie left?"
XXX
"Please tell me you have good news," Harry moaned when Hermione firecalled the following day. "Malfoy is driving me spare."
"I've finished brewing the antidote," said Hermione. "All that's left is to test it. May I come through?"
Harry stood back and waited until Hermione emerged from the fireplace. "If this doesn't work, Hermione, one of us is going to die," said Harry. "I'll either kill Malfoy or myself if I have to put up with him much longer."
"I know it must be difficult, Harry, but try to see things from Malfoy's perspective," said Hermione. "He must be terrified, thinking he'll be stuck as a llama for the rest of his life."
Harry nodded, feeling suitably chastised. All along, he'd been viewing the situation from his own perspective, without taking Malfoy's feelings into consideration. "Let's hope this works, yeah?" he said to Hermione.
Harry was relieved that Malfoy was once more in the barn. He didn't want to have to explain to Hermione why he had a llama in his house. Harry ushered Hermione outside, and they entered the paddock through the gate.
"Malfoy, Hermione is here," Harry called, not wanting to startle his guest.
Malfoy met them at the opened doorway to the barn. He had to back up a few paces to allow Harry and Hermione to enter the dim interior. "Is the antidote ready?" asked Malfoy.
"Yes, but there's no guarantee it will work," said Hermione.
"Let's have it then," insisted Malfoy. His tail was flicking back and forth in his eagerness.
Hermione produced a stoppered phial from her pocket and then appeared flustered. "I didn't consider how you were meant to drink it," she mumbled.
"Allow me," said Harry. He took the phial from her and removed the stopper. "Open wide, Malfoy."
Malfoy didn't even bother to argue; he opened his mouth and allowed Harry to pour the potion in. Malfoy swallowed and then sneezed and shuddered. "That was awful," he complained.
Harry watched in breathless anticipation for Malfoy to transform. He wondered if Malfoy would be naked, then berated himself for thinking of such things. The minutes ticked by.
"Shouldn't something be happening by now?" Harry whispered.
Hermione sighed. "Clearly, we're missing something."
"WHY AM I STILL A LLAMA?!"
"It didn't work, Malfoy," said Hermione. "We'll have to try again."
"We're running out of time!" cried Malfoy. "I'm going to be STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER!"
Hermione's expression was stricken as she watched Malfoy slump onto a pile of straw.
Harry squeezed her hand in encouragement. "You'll keep trying, won't you?" She nodded and all but fled the barn. A moment later, Harry heard the door of the house slam shut, and he reckoned Hermione had left via the Floo. Harry wanted to tear a strip off of Malfoy for upsetting Hermione, but it seemed Malfoy had more to be upset about. He was still a llama, after all.
"I-I'm sorry the first potion didn't work, Malfoy," Harry said, feeling lame and inadequate. Malfoy let his chin drop onto the straw. "May I get you anything?"
"I wish to be alone, Potter."
Harry had no reply for that, so he left without a word, wondering why his heart felt heavy.
xxx
Harry let Malfoy sulk for an hour before he decided he had to do something. He retrieved a bottle of Scotch from the pantry, grabbed a glass and a bowl, and left the house. Harry stepped into the barn and paused to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim interior.
Malfoy hadn't moved.
For a single, horrifying second, Harry thought Malfoy was dead.
"Come to mock me, Potter?"
Harry exhaled in relief. "No, I've come to commiserate," he said. "I brought an expensive bottle of Balvenie to share."
Malfoy lifted his head. "Balvenie, you say? I'd love some, IF I COULD HOLD A GLASS!"
Harry was too grateful to see that Malfoy had regained his sharp tongue to argue with him. "I brought a bowl for you to drink from," he said.
Malfoy's ears pricked forward. Harry took that as a sign to proceed. He joined Malfoy on the pile of straw, set the glass and the bowl down, and opened the bottle of Scotch. Harry poured some into the bowl and set it in front of Malfoy before pouring himself a finger of Scotch in his glass.
"To an antidote," Harry said, clinking his tumbler to Malfoy's bowl.
"You don't believe Granger can do it, do you?"
"I have every faith in Hermione," Harry said before taking a sip of the aged Scotch.
"Then why are you plying me with alcohol?" asked Malfoy.
Harry chuckled. "I want to see what a drunk llama looks like."
"Piss off," mumbled Malfoy. He dipped his muzzle into the bowl and took a noisy slurp. "Ah, that hits the spot."
Harry finished his drink, poured another, and topped off Malfoy's bowl. "To Hermione!"
"To Granger!"
xxx
"...which is when Pansy yelled, 'Am I the only person in Sliverin you HAVEN'T slept with?!'"
Harry laughed and sagged over Malfoy's furry back. "You said, 'Sliverin,'" he gasped.
"Yeah, that was my House, Potter. What is so amusing?"
Harry took his glasses off and swiped at his eyes. "I don't a'member," he said. "What were we talking about?"
"This excellent Scotch," Malfoy replied. He nodded, then moaned. "My head feels funny."
Harry reached up and slapped one hand between Malfoy's ears. "Feels fine to me," he said. "You're a pretty llama...pretty llama..."
"Potter, stop petting me. I am not a dog."
"No, not a dog...a pretty llama."
"More Scotch, Potter!"
xxx
Harry opened bleary eyes and frowned when he didn't recognize his surroundings. His head was pounding in time with his pulse, and there was a stale taste in his mouth. Harry tried to lift his head and groaned as his stiff muscles protested the movement. He closed his eyes again and let his hand drop to the side.
Harry frowned and wiggled his fingers. He felt bare skin, and it wasn't his own.
"Tha' tickles."
Harry sat upright, ignoring the pain in his head. He gaped at the sight of a naked Draco Malfoy, lying beside him in a pile of straw.
"Malfoy!" Harry cried.
Malfoy cracked an eye open. "Stop yelling, Potter," he grumbled. "My head aches."
"Malfoy, you're you again!"
Malfoy sat up and looked down at himself, whooped in joy, then moaned and clutched his head. He peered at Harry from beneath his messy fringe and grinned. "Granger did it," he beamed.
"I knew she could," Harry said with a laugh of relief. "Why did it take so long, do you reckon?"
Malfoy shrugged his shoulders, drawing Harry's attention to the intriguing line of his back. "The alcohol may have acted as a catalyst," said Malfoy. He suddenly launched himself at Harry, knocking Harry back to the pile of straw as he hugged him with exuberance.
"Let's celebrate, Potter," said Malfoy.
Harry's brow furrowed. "What sort of celeb-ah, Malfoy!"
xxx
Harry straightened his clothing and gave up on trying to pluck straw from his hair. He glanced up and saw Malfoy shiver. There was a definite chill in the air, and Harry took pity on his guest. He stripped his shirt off and tossed it to Malfoy.
"Come on, Malfoy, let's go inside, and you can have a hot shower."
"And some real food?"
"Yes, real food," Harry said, grinning at Malfoy's priorities. "I'll cook while you're in the shower."
Malfoy donned Harry's shirt and buttoned it up partway. He hobbled uncertainly over the rough floor of the barn, wincing as he did so.
"I'll help you," Harry offered, putting an arm around Malfoy's waist and letting Malfoy lean on him.
As they stumbled out of the barn, Harry heard a sharp gasp. He turned his head, heart sinking at the sight of his neighbor standing in his yard with her mouth hanging open.
"Mrs Dipple! I can explain..."
Cross-posted to hp_creatures
Author: enchanted_jae
Prompt: #7 for phoenixacid
Creature: Llama
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count: 4733
Rating: PG13
Beta: kitty_fic
Warnings: (highlight to read)*One melodramatic llama, and sexual suggestion*
Author's Notes: I loved the prompt, phoenixacid, and I hope I've done it justice.
Disclaimer: This piece of fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by J. K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, andWarner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offense is intended. All characters depicted in sexual situations are above the age of consent.
Summary: A stolen chocolate lands Draco Malfoy in a sticky situation, but how did Harry get caught up in the drama?
Harry glanced up from reading the Quibbler when his Floo activated. He nodded to Ron's disembodied head. "Hey, mate."
"Say, Harry? Would you come to the shop? We have a situation here."
"A situation?" Harry repeated. He had resigned from the Aurors last year, and he couldn't imagine what Ron would need him for.
"I can't explain it," said Ron. "Won't you please just come through?"
xxx
Harry couldn't stop laughing.
"Potter, I don't think you understand the severity of the situation here!" cried Draco Malfoy. "POTTER!"
Harry finally managed to get his mirth under control. "Okay," he said to George and Ron. "Explain this to me one more time."
"We developed a new prank," said George. "It's a chocolate, designed to turn the person who eats it into an animal that suits his or her personality."
"It still needed to be tested, but then Malfoy strutted into the shop and nicked a chocolate off of the tray," Ron added with a shrug.
"You lie!" protested Malfoy, stamping one foot for emphasis.
Harry turned around and snickered again. "A llama, Malfoy?" he taunted. "Really? I would have thought you would turn into a ferret."
Harry barely dodged the vile missile that Malfoy spat his way. "Oy!" he complained. "There's no need for that!"
"How dare you mock me, Potter?"
Harry held his hands up, even as he grinned. "You're a talking llama, Malfoy," he said. "Pardon me if I find that somewhat amusing."
George's expression grew uncharacteristically sober. "What isn't amusing is that we're not yet sure of an antidote," he said. "Worse, if we can't reverse the spell, Malfoy will be stuck as a llama for the rest of his life."
"What?!" screeched Malfoy. He threw his head back and stomped around in a small circle in the courtyard behind the shop. "This is just fabulous!" he cried. "FABULOUS!"
"Calm down, Malfoy," said Harry. He turned to look at his friends. "How soon can you come up with an antidote?"
"It may take a few days," said Ron.
"DAYS?!" bleated Malfoy. "I can't wait days! My mum mustn't see me like this. She'll have an attack of the vapors!"
Harry was of the opinion that Narcissa Malfoy was made of sterner stuff than that, but he didn't argue with Malfoy. Harry looked at Ron. "Maybe you can take him to the Burrow-"
"No!" "Absolutely not!"
Harry blinked in surprise. He wasn't sure who had protested more loudly: Ron or Malfoy. "I suppose he can stay here in-"
"He can't stay back here," George said, shaking his head. "I have a business to run."
"A sham of a business, if you ask me!"
"No one asked you, Malfoy!" George countered. He glared at the llama for another moment before turning back to Harry again. "Anyway, Harry, Ron and I have come up with the perfect solution, which is why we asked you to come here."
Harry began to get a Very Bad Feeling.
Ron cleared his throat. "Harry, you bought that small estate outside of Godric's Hollow-"
"No!" "Absolutely not!"
Harry purposefully did not look at Malfoy, lest he demand to know why his estate wasn't good enough. Instead, Harry focused on his friends. "I cannot be responsible for Malfoy's welfare, because I will kill him."
"I'd rather die than stay at your hovel in the woods!"
"It's not a hovel, and I don't want you there!"
"I don't want to go there!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"If you two are done acting like First years?" George drawled.
Harry scowled at him, while Malfoy flattened his ears.
George held up his hands. "Malfoy can't stay here, not without causing a sensation. If we take him home, his mother will have the vapors." George rolled his eyes at that last bit, but he said it without laughing. "We can't take him to the Burrow, or our mum will have the vapors. Harry, you're our only hope."
Harry clutched his head in both hands. "Somebody Crucio me now."
xxx
"Here is the barn and paddock," said Harry in his best Host with the Most voice. "I'd like to buy a couple of horses some day, but it's empty for now. You should be quite comfortable in here."
Malfoy's lip lifted, astounding Harry with his ability to sneer while in the form of a llama.
"Surely, you do not expect me to stay in a barn," Malfoy said, voice stiff with righteous indignation.
"Yes, and don't call me Shirley," quipped Harry.
Malfoy blinked his obnoxiously long-lashed eyes. "Excuse me?"
Harry threw his hands up. "Look, Malfoy, you cannot come inside the house like that."
"Are you suggesting I am unclean?"
"It doesn't matter how clean you are; you're a bloody llama!"
"Fabulous!" exclaimed Malfoy, stomping around the perimeter of the paddock. "This is just bloody fabulous! Suddenly, I'm not fit to set foot in Harry sodding Potter's house! FABULOUS!"
Harry strove not to laugh, but his lips twitched and gave him away.
"Are you LAUGHING at me, Potter?!"
"You are being quite melodramatic, Malfoy."
"How would you react if someone turned you into a llama?!"
"I reckon I'd be spitting mad," Harry said with a chuckle. He had to dodge a gob of spittle that Malfoy sent his way.
"Oy, and you ask why I won't let you inside the house?!"
"Hullo, Mr Potter? Do you have company?"
Harry panicked. His overbearing, nosy neighbor was strolling down the lane. Mrs Dipple owned the estate adjacent to Harry's, and she had a habit of feeding him and trying to fob her homely niece off on him.
Harry aimed a glare at Malfoy. "Not one word, do you hear me?" he warned. "If you say anything, I'll shear you bald, just see if I don't." Harry didn't wait for a response; he moved away from the paddock to intercept his neighbor.
"Mrs Dipple, how nice to see you," Harry greeted.
"Do you have visitors, dear?" Mrs Dipple asked. "I thought I heard you talking as I was coming down the drive."
"Oh, er, I can explain. I was talking to my new pet llama," Harry improvised, gesturing to Malfoy. "He's a good listener," Harry added.
Mrs Dipple squealed like a school girl. "Oh, isn't he just the most adorable thing ever?!" She rushed up to the paddock and reached for Malfoy, who flattened his ears and backed away.
"He's not terribly sociable," said Harry, hoping to draw the woman away from Malfoy. He didn't fancy having to Obliviate his neighbor if Malfoy couldn't resist insulting her.
"Rubbish," snorted Mrs Dipple. "All of God's creatures love me. Isn't that right, little llama-wama?" she cooed. "Come to Doretta, sweetie."
Mrs Dipple had stepped right up to the paddock fence and was leaning over it, reaching for Malfoy.
Harry began to sweat. "Mrs Dipple, please be careful."
"Are you certain he's feeling well, dear?" she asked. "His behavior is abnormal."
"He did have a touch of diarrhea," Harry said.
Mrs Dipple took a hasty step back. "Perhaps you should ring the vet," she suggested.
"Oh, ah, I've already had a veterinarian look at him," said Harry. "He prescribed rest."
Mrs Dipple seemed inclined to stay and chat, but Harry eventually ushered her on her way. Harry sighed in relief and turned to go into his house. No doubt, there was a layer of dust on everything since the last time he'd been to Godric's Hollow.
"Potter, don't you dare leave me out here!"
Harry tensed once again. He pivoted around to face his unwelcome guest. "You are not setting hoof in my house, and that's final."
"Help!" yelled Malfoy. He threw his head back and yelled louder, "HELP! I've been abducted!"
Harry rushed the fence in a panic. "Shut it, Malfoy! My neighbors will hear you!"
"They won't hear me if I'm inside," Malfoy said slyly.
Harry ground his back teeth together in frustration before he caved. "Alright, you ruddy wanker," he snarled. "You can come inside." Harry opened the latch on the gate and swung it open.
Malfoy sauntered out, head held high. Harry punched him on the flank on the way by, and he suffered a kick to the shin for his trouble. Harry swore and limped past Malfoy to open the door. He walked in and stepped to the side, fighting the temptation to slam the door on Malfoy's muzzle.
Malfoy strutted inside, lips lifting in a llama sneer. "Nice shack, Potter."
"If you don't like it, you're welcome to spend the night in the barn."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"No," said Harry, "I would like it if you weren't here at all."
"It's not my fault!"
"It is, too, your fault," Harry argued. "You nicked a chocolate, and look at what happened to you."
"I have a sweet tooth; don't judge me!"
Harry couldn't help himself; he began to laugh.
"What is so amusing, you peasant?"
Harry shook his head. "I am standing in my house, arguing with a llama."
"I'm thrilled that you find it funny, Potter, but if your moronic friends don't come through, I will be stuck like this FOREVER!" He made an odd moaning noise and folded his legs, flopping down in the middle of Harry's living room floor.
Harry instantly felt contrite. "I'm sorry, Malfoy," he said. "Try not to worry. Hermione will come through; she always does."
Malfoy heaved a sigh, causing his llama lips to quiver. He laid his head down, and his eyes drooped.
"Er, can I get you anything?" Harry offered. A depressed Malfoy was no fun.
"A pillow and some blankets would be lovely," Malfoy replied without opening his eyes.
Harry nodded, even though Malfoy couldn't see him, and dashed up the stairs to snag a pillow and blankets from the spare bedroom. Harry returned to the living room and made up a pallet on the floor. Malfoy bestirred himself enough to get up, take two steps to his makeshift bed, and collapse on it gracelessly.
"Are you hungry?" asked Harry.
"No."
"Thirsty?"
"No."
"Would you like to watch the telly?"
"No."
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"No."
"Sorry?"
Malfoy raised his head. "I'm bored and lonely," he said.
"Lonely? I'm right here, Malfoy."
"I'm the only wizard llama in existence," said Malfoy. "It's lonely."
Harry wanted to tell him he was being melodramatic again, but he held his tongue. "I'm not certain if I can entertain you," he opted to say.
"Do you have a chess board?"
"Yeah," Harry replied, "but how can you play chess without hands?"
"Simple," said Malfoy, perking up a tad. "I'll tell you where to move my pieces."
xxx
Harry slumped back against the sofa and groaned. "I've been drubbed at chess by a llama," he grumbled. "I'll never be able to show my face in public again."
Malfoy threw his head back and laughed, exposing his large teeth. "You're terrible at chess," he said. "I reckon an actual llama could drub you."
"Oy!"
"Potter, I'm hungry."
Harry stood up from the floor and stretched. "George sent some hay--"
"HAY?!"
"...and I can run some water into a bucket for you."
"Potter, I would like a roast with potatoes and gravy."
"You can't eat that!" cried Harry. "Llamas aren't carnivores. Your teeth and stomach aren't designed to eat meat."
"Then fix me some potatoes and carrots."
Harry put his hands on his hips. "You'll eat hay or go hungry."
"FINE! I'LL JUST STARVE TO DEATH!"
"Fine! I'll just go on up to bed while you sit down here, starving to death!"
xxx
Harry trudged down the stairs the following morning, pulling up short to frown and wrinkle his nose. "What is that stench?"
Malfoy lowered his head, and he turned his back on Harry.
Harry waved a hand in front of his nose. "You could have told me you had to...you know."
"This is humiliating, Potter."
Harry was about to castigate his malodorous house guest some more, but Malfoy's posture was so defeated that he didn't have the heart to do it. "Okay," Harry sighed. He drew his wand and cast a strong Scourgify on the floor.
"In the future, please just tell me you need to go outside," Harry suggested gently.
Malfoy's head dipped in a nod. "I'm hungry," he whined.
"You'll have to eat the hay," said Harry. "If I give you anything else, you'll get sick." He crossed to the door and opened it. "Come on, the hay is in the barn. I promise I won't leave you outside."
Harry walked out and held the door for Malfoy to maneuver through. He heard a gasp from behind him. Harry whirled around and saw his neighbor standing at the edge of the lawn. "Mrs Dipple!" cried Harry. "I can explain..."
"Mr Potter, an animal that size belongs outside," sniffed Mrs Dipple. "If you are lonely for companionship, perhaps you should acquire a dog or a cat." Her eyes gleamed. "Of course, I can always introduce you to my niece, Erline."
"Th-that's okay, Mrs Dipple," Harry babbled. "I don't plan to stay in Godric's Hollow for long. I have business to attend to in London."
"I see," Mrs Dipple sighed. She approached Harry, keeping a wary eye on Malfoy. He snorted and ambled a few paces away.
Harry noted that Malfoy remained within hearing distance, the nosy fiend.
"I brought you a freshly baked apple pie," said Mrs Dipple, thrusting a fragrant basket into Harry's hands. "It's Erline's recipe."
"I'm sure it will be delicious," said Harry. "Thank you."
"Does your llama still have the runs?" Mrs Dipple asked, eyeing Malfoy with some trepidation.
"No," Harry said slowly, recalling the mess he'd cleaned up earlier.
"What have you been feeding it?"
"Hay," replied Harry. He heard Malfoy snort again.
"Perhaps it would benefit from some grain, as well," suggested Mrs Dipple.
"That's an excellent idea, thank you," Harry said, trying to sound gracious. Mrs Dipple took her leave, and Harry turned to take his pie into the house.
"Where are you going with that, Potter?"
Harry's back stiffened. "I'm putting it inside," he said, deliberately not looking Malfoy.
"I want it."
"You can't eat apple pie!"
"POTTER, I AM STARVING!"
"You can't have apple pie, and that's final," growled Harry. "Your physiology won't tolerate it. Go nibble on the hay."
"Well, this is simply fabulous," Malfoy complained. "You're sneaking off to stuff apple pie in your gob, while I'm forced to subsist on roughage."
Harry was about to argue the point further when he heard the Floo in his house activate. He rushed inside, ignoring Malfoy's continued complaints.
"Harry? Are you home?"
"I'm here, Hermione," panted Harry, dashing into the study with the apple pie in his hands.
Hermione squinted at him through the flames. "Where is Malfoy?"
"He's out in the paddock," Harry replied. "Are you having any luck with an antidote?"
"Perhaps," said Hermione. "May I come through?"
Harry stepped back and gestured for her to enter his home. A moment later, Hermione emerged from the fireplace and brushed soot from her hair. "I'm working on a potion," she said, "but I may need one of Malfoy's hairs to complete it."
"Hair of the llama?" Harry chuckled.
"This is serious, Harry," chided Hermione. "He could be stuck in that form if we can't reverse the spell."
"That would be bad," said Harry. "Believe it or not, Malfoy is more obnoxious as a llama than he is as a person."
Hermione winced. "Let's see what we can do, then," she said with a decisive air.
Harry detoured into the kitchen to set the pie on the table before leading Hermione out the front door. Malfoy was nowhere to be seen. Harry's pulse jumped in alarm. "Malfoy?" he called out.
Malfoy poked his head out of the barn, his jaw working as he chewed on hay. He saw Hermione and quickly swallowed what was in his mouth. "Thank Merlin you're here, Granger," said Malfoy, trotting up to the fence. "Potter is trying to starve me into submission."
"Stop being such a...a drama llama," Harry grumbled. He looked at Hermione. "Malfoy wanted the pie, but I told him he had to eat hay."
"Harry's right," Hermione said to Malfoy. "As a llama, you need to eat the same things that regular llamas do."
"Well, that's just FABULOUS!" Malfoy snapped. He stalked back towards the barn.
"Malfoy, wait," said Hermione. "I'm working on an antidote-"
"Is it ready?!"
"...and I need some of your fur."
Malfoy turned around and trotted up to Hermione. "Take what you need," he said. "The sooner this ordeal is over, the better."
Hermione reached over the fence and spent a moment running her fingers through Malfoy's coat.
"Are you petting me, Granger?"
"You're so soft," she said, blushing a little.
"Let me see," said Harry. He, too, reached over the fence and stroked Malfoy's neck.
Malfoy sighed in contentment, and his eyelids drooped. He then shook himself and flattened his ears. "I am not a pet," he sniffed. "Kindly take what hair you need and leave me alone WITH MY HAY!"
Hermione snapped an apology and plucked several hairs from Malfoy's neck, ignoring his dramatic bleat of pain. "Harry, I'll firecall you to let you know how the antidote is going," she said before returning to the house and Harry's Floo.
Harry turned to glare at Malfoy. "You shouldn't be rude to Hermione," he said. "She's trying to help, you twat."
"I wouldn't need help if her STUPID BLOODY BOYFRIEND HADN'T TURNED ME INTO A LLAMA!"
"Keep your voice down," hissed Harry. "Do you want word to get back to your mum that you're staying here as a llama?"
Malfoy treated Harry to another llama sneer before returning to the barn. "I'll just be in here, EATING MY HAY!"
Harry chose not to pursue the matter. Instead, he went back inside and helped himself to a large slice of apple pie.
xxx
Harry was flicking his wand around to tidy the house when he heard a thump at the door. He peered outside and saw Malfoy standing on the stoop. Harry opened the door and stepped back, and Malfoy ambled inside and flopped down on his pallet.
"How was the hay?" Harry asked in an attempt to be polite.
"It was dreadful, Potter."
"At least you're no longer hungry, yeah?"
"Not hungry, no."
Malfoy's defeatist attitude was making Harry nervous. "Are you thirsty? Can I get you anything?"
"I'm randy, Potter."
Harry felt his mouth fall open, and it took him a moment to close it again. "R-randy?"
"It's unbearable, Potter, and I can't rub one out BECAUSE I HAVE NO HANDS!"
"I hope you don't expect me to lend you a hand?"
"That would be spiffing, Potter."
"No! Absolutely not!"
"Potter, I am dying here!"
"Malfoy, I am not going to engage in any sort of...of bestiality with you, and that's final."
"I am not a beast!" Malfoy cried. "I am a person WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE A LLAMA!"
"Malfoy, you are a llama!"
Malfoy's eyes narrowed in speculation, and Harry got a Very Bad Feeling.
"Potter, why don't you Transfigure yourself into a llama? You're bent, I'm bent, we can be bent llamas together."
Harry was appalled. He didn't know which shocked him more: Malfoy's outrageous suggestion, or the fact that his cock gave a giddy twitch at said suggestion. Harry strove for a reasonable rejection of Malfoy's request. "It's not possible for a wizard to Transfigure himself into an animal unless he's an Animagus."
"Give me your wand, and I'll Transfigure you."
"Hands, Malfoy. You don't have them, remember?"
"I'll hold your wand in my mouth!"
"How can you utter the incantation if you have a wand in your mouth?!"
"I'll think of something, Potter. I'm desperate! I AM A LONELY LLAMA IN NEED OF LOVE!"
Harry's mouth worked, but no sound emerged. Finally, he threw his hands up in the air and said, "I am not having this conversation." Harry turned his back on his uninvited guest and stalked towards the kitchen.
"Potter, is there any apple pie left?"
XXX
"Please tell me you have good news," Harry moaned when Hermione firecalled the following day. "Malfoy is driving me spare."
"I've finished brewing the antidote," said Hermione. "All that's left is to test it. May I come through?"
Harry stood back and waited until Hermione emerged from the fireplace. "If this doesn't work, Hermione, one of us is going to die," said Harry. "I'll either kill Malfoy or myself if I have to put up with him much longer."
"I know it must be difficult, Harry, but try to see things from Malfoy's perspective," said Hermione. "He must be terrified, thinking he'll be stuck as a llama for the rest of his life."
Harry nodded, feeling suitably chastised. All along, he'd been viewing the situation from his own perspective, without taking Malfoy's feelings into consideration. "Let's hope this works, yeah?" he said to Hermione.
Harry was relieved that Malfoy was once more in the barn. He didn't want to have to explain to Hermione why he had a llama in his house. Harry ushered Hermione outside, and they entered the paddock through the gate.
"Malfoy, Hermione is here," Harry called, not wanting to startle his guest.
Malfoy met them at the opened doorway to the barn. He had to back up a few paces to allow Harry and Hermione to enter the dim interior. "Is the antidote ready?" asked Malfoy.
"Yes, but there's no guarantee it will work," said Hermione.
"Let's have it then," insisted Malfoy. His tail was flicking back and forth in his eagerness.
Hermione produced a stoppered phial from her pocket and then appeared flustered. "I didn't consider how you were meant to drink it," she mumbled.
"Allow me," said Harry. He took the phial from her and removed the stopper. "Open wide, Malfoy."
Malfoy didn't even bother to argue; he opened his mouth and allowed Harry to pour the potion in. Malfoy swallowed and then sneezed and shuddered. "That was awful," he complained.
Harry watched in breathless anticipation for Malfoy to transform. He wondered if Malfoy would be naked, then berated himself for thinking of such things. The minutes ticked by.
"Shouldn't something be happening by now?" Harry whispered.
Hermione sighed. "Clearly, we're missing something."
"WHY AM I STILL A LLAMA?!"
"It didn't work, Malfoy," said Hermione. "We'll have to try again."
"We're running out of time!" cried Malfoy. "I'm going to be STUCK LIKE THIS FOREVER!"
Hermione's expression was stricken as she watched Malfoy slump onto a pile of straw.
Harry squeezed her hand in encouragement. "You'll keep trying, won't you?" She nodded and all but fled the barn. A moment later, Harry heard the door of the house slam shut, and he reckoned Hermione had left via the Floo. Harry wanted to tear a strip off of Malfoy for upsetting Hermione, but it seemed Malfoy had more to be upset about. He was still a llama, after all.
"I-I'm sorry the first potion didn't work, Malfoy," Harry said, feeling lame and inadequate. Malfoy let his chin drop onto the straw. "May I get you anything?"
"I wish to be alone, Potter."
Harry had no reply for that, so he left without a word, wondering why his heart felt heavy.
xxx
Harry let Malfoy sulk for an hour before he decided he had to do something. He retrieved a bottle of Scotch from the pantry, grabbed a glass and a bowl, and left the house. Harry stepped into the barn and paused to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim interior.
Malfoy hadn't moved.
For a single, horrifying second, Harry thought Malfoy was dead.
"Come to mock me, Potter?"
Harry exhaled in relief. "No, I've come to commiserate," he said. "I brought an expensive bottle of Balvenie to share."
Malfoy lifted his head. "Balvenie, you say? I'd love some, IF I COULD HOLD A GLASS!"
Harry was too grateful to see that Malfoy had regained his sharp tongue to argue with him. "I brought a bowl for you to drink from," he said.
Malfoy's ears pricked forward. Harry took that as a sign to proceed. He joined Malfoy on the pile of straw, set the glass and the bowl down, and opened the bottle of Scotch. Harry poured some into the bowl and set it in front of Malfoy before pouring himself a finger of Scotch in his glass.
"To an antidote," Harry said, clinking his tumbler to Malfoy's bowl.
"You don't believe Granger can do it, do you?"
"I have every faith in Hermione," Harry said before taking a sip of the aged Scotch.
"Then why are you plying me with alcohol?" asked Malfoy.
Harry chuckled. "I want to see what a drunk llama looks like."
"Piss off," mumbled Malfoy. He dipped his muzzle into the bowl and took a noisy slurp. "Ah, that hits the spot."
Harry finished his drink, poured another, and topped off Malfoy's bowl. "To Hermione!"
"To Granger!"
xxx
"...which is when Pansy yelled, 'Am I the only person in Sliverin you HAVEN'T slept with?!'"
Harry laughed and sagged over Malfoy's furry back. "You said, 'Sliverin,'" he gasped.
"Yeah, that was my House, Potter. What is so amusing?"
Harry took his glasses off and swiped at his eyes. "I don't a'member," he said. "What were we talking about?"
"This excellent Scotch," Malfoy replied. He nodded, then moaned. "My head feels funny."
Harry reached up and slapped one hand between Malfoy's ears. "Feels fine to me," he said. "You're a pretty llama...pretty llama..."
"Potter, stop petting me. I am not a dog."
"No, not a dog...a pretty llama."
"More Scotch, Potter!"
xxx
Harry opened bleary eyes and frowned when he didn't recognize his surroundings. His head was pounding in time with his pulse, and there was a stale taste in his mouth. Harry tried to lift his head and groaned as his stiff muscles protested the movement. He closed his eyes again and let his hand drop to the side.
Harry frowned and wiggled his fingers. He felt bare skin, and it wasn't his own.
"Tha' tickles."
Harry sat upright, ignoring the pain in his head. He gaped at the sight of a naked Draco Malfoy, lying beside him in a pile of straw.
"Malfoy!" Harry cried.
Malfoy cracked an eye open. "Stop yelling, Potter," he grumbled. "My head aches."
"Malfoy, you're you again!"
Malfoy sat up and looked down at himself, whooped in joy, then moaned and clutched his head. He peered at Harry from beneath his messy fringe and grinned. "Granger did it," he beamed.
"I knew she could," Harry said with a laugh of relief. "Why did it take so long, do you reckon?"
Malfoy shrugged his shoulders, drawing Harry's attention to the intriguing line of his back. "The alcohol may have acted as a catalyst," said Malfoy. He suddenly launched himself at Harry, knocking Harry back to the pile of straw as he hugged him with exuberance.
"Let's celebrate, Potter," said Malfoy.
Harry's brow furrowed. "What sort of celeb-ah, Malfoy!"
xxx
Harry straightened his clothing and gave up on trying to pluck straw from his hair. He glanced up and saw Malfoy shiver. There was a definite chill in the air, and Harry took pity on his guest. He stripped his shirt off and tossed it to Malfoy.
"Come on, Malfoy, let's go inside, and you can have a hot shower."
"And some real food?"
"Yes, real food," Harry said, grinning at Malfoy's priorities. "I'll cook while you're in the shower."
Malfoy donned Harry's shirt and buttoned it up partway. He hobbled uncertainly over the rough floor of the barn, wincing as he did so.
"I'll help you," Harry offered, putting an arm around Malfoy's waist and letting Malfoy lean on him.
As they stumbled out of the barn, Harry heard a sharp gasp. He turned his head, heart sinking at the sight of his neighbor standing in his yard with her mouth hanging open.
"Mrs Dipple! I can explain..."
Cross-posted to hp_creatures