Belated birthday gift; HDFluff #90
Title: Leprechauned
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Harry, Draco
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Insults, cheating and sexual innuendo
Word count: 925
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This fic/drabble was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
♣ Belated birthday gift for caro_di_tutti, using the prompt no problem is unsolvable with a big enough plastic bag. I don't know what you wanted with that phrase, but you got crack. *sheepish grin*
♣ hd_fluff Prompt No. 90 - gold
Summary: Auror Potter must mediate between Draco Malfoy and a horde of angry leprechauns.
"Potter! Potter, help me!"
Harry whirled around at the sound of his name being yelled. His wand was in his hand in a flash, ready to face whatever trouble was brewing. Harry was shocked to see Draco Malfoy running straight for him. As an Auror, however, it was Harry's duty to protect anyone who required his aid.
"Malfoy, what is...OOF!"
Harry hadn't anticipated that Malfoy would fling himself into his arms. He nearly dropped his wand as he automatically embraced Malfoy and stumbled back two steps. Harry was grateful that this section of Diagon Alley was deserted at this time. He shuddered to think of the gossip that would be caused by having Draco Malfoy clinging to him like a terrified cat.
"You have to help me, Potter," babbled Malfoy. "This is simply dreadful."
Harry found the situation more amusing than anything. "No problem is unsolvable with a big enough plastic bag," he quipped as he tried, unsuccessfully, to pry Malfoy off of him.
"I've run afoul of a leprechaun," said Malfoy. "It means to do me harm."
Harry was a good Auror, one of the best, and remaining calm in the face of any and all dangers was part of the job. Malfoy's statement, however, caused Harry's professionalism to crumble. He threw his head back and laughed.
Malfoy pushed himself away from Harry with an angry huff. "It's nothing to guffaw about," he snapped.
Harry composed himself with an effort. "My apologies, Malfoy," he said, "but I fail to see why you're so frightened of a wee little leprechaun."
"Potter, have you ever encountered a leprechaun?"
"Well, no-"
"Then do not presume to tell me whether or not I have cause to fear for my life!"
"Alright, Malfoy," sighed Harry. "Tell me what happened."
"I spotted the leprechaun and gave chase," said Malfoy.
"Wait, you chased after the leprechaun?"
"Of course, Potter. As everyone knows, if you catch a leprechaun, he has to give you his gold."
"Don't you have enough gold?" Harry asked dryly.
"One can never have too much gold, Potter."
"Quite," nodded Harry, barely refraining from rolling his eyes. "Go on...what happened when you chased the leprechaun?"
"He was eluding me, the little bastard," said Malfoy. "Therefore, I used my superior magical prowess."
Harry facepalmed. "What did you do?" he mumbled.
"Why, I drew my wand and yelled, 'Accio, leprechaun!'," Malfoy replied.
Harry gaped at him. "That's cheating!"
"That's what the leprechaun said!"
Harry was about to respond when a new voice intruded on the conversation.
"There he is! That's the dirty bit o' offal what stole me gold!"
Harry wheeled around, and Malfoy glommed onto him once more.
"Save me, Potter!"
An entire horde of leprechauns was storming down the street. They were only knee-high, but their expressions were fierce, and Harry definitely didn't want to tussle with them. He tried to step forward, although he was hindered by Malfoy's clinging.
"I'm Auror Potter," Harry announced. "What seems to be the problem?"
The leprechaun in the lead pointed at Malfoy. "That human," he spat, making the word sound like the basest insult, "stole me gold from me!"
"Malfoy here says he caught you, and that gives him the right to your gold," Harry said. His hand tightened on his wand, although he kept it pointed downward.
"The scoundrel cheated!" bellowed the leprechaun. His voice was impressive, given his tiny stature. He aimed a glare at Malfoy. "May the cat eat you, and the devil eat the cat," he sneered.
Harry cleared his throat to gain attention. "What, exactly, constitutes cheating?" he asked.
"Had he caught me fair'n square, I'd ha' surrendered me gold without quarrel," said the leprechaun. "Instead, the great tit ensnared me wi' magic."
The other leprechauns began grumbling in anger, and Harry sensed the situation was at a tipping point. "Malfoy, you did confess to me that you used magic to capture this leprechaun," said Harry. "Give him back his gold."
"What?!" shrilled Malfoy, voice nearly drowned out by the cheers of the leprechauns.
"If you don't return the gold, I've no choice but to surrender you to the mercies of the leprechauns," Harry warned him.
Malfoy looked at the angry mob and gulped. He reached into his pocket and retrieved one large gold coin, which he handed to Harry.
"Is that it?" asked Harry.
Malfoy nodded.
"I thought leprechauns had a pot of gold?"
"Each of us has one piece o' gold that goes in the collective pot," explained the leprechaun. "Ye would have to catch every one o' us to get the pot."
"I see," mused Harry. He extended the piece of gold to the leprechaun, who snatched it from him with a gleeful cackle.
"Thank ye for your fair rendering of justice," he said, doffing his hat and placing the gold inside it. "As for ye," he added, glowering at Malfoy once more, "may you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch." With that final insult, the leprechaun and all of his fellows disappeared with a faint pop.
"Little vermin," sneered Malfoy. "I can't believe you took their side!"
"Come on, Malfoy," said Harry. "I'll buy you a pint at the Leaky. I suspect you could use a drink after that much excitement."
"I could use a good shag after that," Malfoy corrected as he fell into step beside Harry.
Sudden lust sizzled through Harry's blood stream. "In that case," he said, "I'll buy you a pint and rent a room."
Out-Conning the Leprechauns
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Harry, Draco
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Insults, cheating and sexual innuendo
Word count: 925
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This fic/drabble was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
♣ Belated birthday gift for caro_di_tutti, using the prompt no problem is unsolvable with a big enough plastic bag. I don't know what you wanted with that phrase, but you got crack. *sheepish grin*
♣ hd_fluff Prompt No. 90 - gold
Summary: Auror Potter must mediate between Draco Malfoy and a horde of angry leprechauns.
"Potter! Potter, help me!"
Harry whirled around at the sound of his name being yelled. His wand was in his hand in a flash, ready to face whatever trouble was brewing. Harry was shocked to see Draco Malfoy running straight for him. As an Auror, however, it was Harry's duty to protect anyone who required his aid.
"Malfoy, what is...OOF!"
Harry hadn't anticipated that Malfoy would fling himself into his arms. He nearly dropped his wand as he automatically embraced Malfoy and stumbled back two steps. Harry was grateful that this section of Diagon Alley was deserted at this time. He shuddered to think of the gossip that would be caused by having Draco Malfoy clinging to him like a terrified cat.
"You have to help me, Potter," babbled Malfoy. "This is simply dreadful."
Harry found the situation more amusing than anything. "No problem is unsolvable with a big enough plastic bag," he quipped as he tried, unsuccessfully, to pry Malfoy off of him.
"I've run afoul of a leprechaun," said Malfoy. "It means to do me harm."
Harry was a good Auror, one of the best, and remaining calm in the face of any and all dangers was part of the job. Malfoy's statement, however, caused Harry's professionalism to crumble. He threw his head back and laughed.
Malfoy pushed himself away from Harry with an angry huff. "It's nothing to guffaw about," he snapped.
Harry composed himself with an effort. "My apologies, Malfoy," he said, "but I fail to see why you're so frightened of a wee little leprechaun."
"Potter, have you ever encountered a leprechaun?"
"Well, no-"
"Then do not presume to tell me whether or not I have cause to fear for my life!"
"Alright, Malfoy," sighed Harry. "Tell me what happened."
"I spotted the leprechaun and gave chase," said Malfoy.
"Wait, you chased after the leprechaun?"
"Of course, Potter. As everyone knows, if you catch a leprechaun, he has to give you his gold."
"Don't you have enough gold?" Harry asked dryly.
"One can never have too much gold, Potter."
"Quite," nodded Harry, barely refraining from rolling his eyes. "Go on...what happened when you chased the leprechaun?"
"He was eluding me, the little bastard," said Malfoy. "Therefore, I used my superior magical prowess."
Harry facepalmed. "What did you do?" he mumbled.
"Why, I drew my wand and yelled, 'Accio, leprechaun!'," Malfoy replied.
Harry gaped at him. "That's cheating!"
"That's what the leprechaun said!"
Harry was about to respond when a new voice intruded on the conversation.
"There he is! That's the dirty bit o' offal what stole me gold!"
Harry wheeled around, and Malfoy glommed onto him once more.
"Save me, Potter!"
An entire horde of leprechauns was storming down the street. They were only knee-high, but their expressions were fierce, and Harry definitely didn't want to tussle with them. He tried to step forward, although he was hindered by Malfoy's clinging.
"I'm Auror Potter," Harry announced. "What seems to be the problem?"
The leprechaun in the lead pointed at Malfoy. "That human," he spat, making the word sound like the basest insult, "stole me gold from me!"
"Malfoy here says he caught you, and that gives him the right to your gold," Harry said. His hand tightened on his wand, although he kept it pointed downward.
"The scoundrel cheated!" bellowed the leprechaun. His voice was impressive, given his tiny stature. He aimed a glare at Malfoy. "May the cat eat you, and the devil eat the cat," he sneered.
Harry cleared his throat to gain attention. "What, exactly, constitutes cheating?" he asked.
"Had he caught me fair'n square, I'd ha' surrendered me gold without quarrel," said the leprechaun. "Instead, the great tit ensnared me wi' magic."
The other leprechauns began grumbling in anger, and Harry sensed the situation was at a tipping point. "Malfoy, you did confess to me that you used magic to capture this leprechaun," said Harry. "Give him back his gold."
"What?!" shrilled Malfoy, voice nearly drowned out by the cheers of the leprechauns.
"If you don't return the gold, I've no choice but to surrender you to the mercies of the leprechauns," Harry warned him.
Malfoy looked at the angry mob and gulped. He reached into his pocket and retrieved one large gold coin, which he handed to Harry.
"Is that it?" asked Harry.
Malfoy nodded.
"I thought leprechauns had a pot of gold?"
"Each of us has one piece o' gold that goes in the collective pot," explained the leprechaun. "Ye would have to catch every one o' us to get the pot."
"I see," mused Harry. He extended the piece of gold to the leprechaun, who snatched it from him with a gleeful cackle.
"Thank ye for your fair rendering of justice," he said, doffing his hat and placing the gold inside it. "As for ye," he added, glowering at Malfoy once more, "may you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch." With that final insult, the leprechaun and all of his fellows disappeared with a faint pop.
"Little vermin," sneered Malfoy. "I can't believe you took their side!"
"Come on, Malfoy," said Harry. "I'll buy you a pint at the Leaky. I suspect you could use a drink after that much excitement."
"I could use a good shag after that," Malfoy corrected as he fell into step beside Harry.
Sudden lust sizzled through Harry's blood stream. "In that case," he said, "I'll buy you a pint and rent a room."
Out-Conning the Leprechauns