Birthday gift; HPCreatures
Title: Zombie Feint
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Harry, Draco (pre-slash), Ron/Hermione
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Yucky zombie things
Word count: 1080
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This fic/drabble was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
♦ Birthday gift for echowilde, who asked for H/D zombie fic. You got more zombie than you did H/D...sorry.
♦ hp_creatures photo prompts
Summary: Harry and Malfoy have been dispatched to an abandoned home in search of the missing owner. They think they've found him, but more importantly, he's found them.
"Do you reckon it's still out there?"
Harry eased the curtains aside and looked out into the darkened yard. "I don't see it," he whispered.
"M-maybe you should go out to check," suggested Malfoy.
Harry turned to glare at his partner. "Why should I be the one to go out and check?" he asked.
"Zombies eat brains, yeah?"
"Yes," Harry replied, wondering what Malfoy was getting at.
"Surely, it will bypass you," said Malfoy.
"Sod off, Malfoy," hissed Harry. He and his partner were holed up in this ramshackle old house in the dead of night with a decidedly undead zombie shuffling around outside, and Malfoy wanted to make jokes. They had been dispatched to check on the mysterious disappearance of the former home owner, and Harry had a sneaking suspicion he was the one ambling around outside and making gurgling noises.
"Where's our back up?" Malfoy asked, peering out the window on his side of the room. The two of them were on the second floor of the house, hoping to avoid detection by the zombie.
"We can't sit here all night waiting to be rescued," said Harry. "We're going to have to take matters into our own hands."
"The killing curse won't work on a zombie, Potter. It's already dead."
"Cruciatus?"
Malfoy shook his head. "If a zombie feels no pain at losing a limb, no amount of Crucio is going to affect it."
"Wronski Feint?"
"Are you suggesting we challenge a zombie to a Quidditch match?!"
Harry chuckled at that. "No, Malfoy. What I meant was, perhaps we can fake it out."
"What did you have in mind?"
"Come here and look out the window," said Harry. He caught his breath when his partner crowded behind him. Malfoy's body was warm and solid, and Harry had the sudden urge to press his arse back against his partner's groin. "Do you," he began, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. "Do you see that pumpkin patch over there?"
"Yes," murmured Malfoy, breath stirring the hair at Harry's nape.
Harry shivered. "We can...um...we can carve one of the pumpkins to look like a head and see if the zombie takes the bait, then make a run for it while it's distracted."
Malfoy leaned back and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "That might work, Potter," he said. "Of course, if the property owner hadn't placed anti-Apparation wards around the perimeter, this would be a moot point."
"If the damned house had more than one entrance, it would also be a moot point," said Harry. "However, we can't change that now, Malfoy. All we can do is try to get out of here with our brains intact."
They pried the old window open, and Harry levitated one of the pumpkins up and into the room they occupied. There was a loud bang on the door below, followed by incoherent groaning.
Malfoy cringed. "Hurry up, Potter," he said. "If that creature breaks the door down, we're through."
Harry found a broken biro and transfigured it into a knife. He worked quickly, gutting the pumpkin and carving a face in it. Malfoy swished his wand and transformed the jack-o-lantern's rough-hewn features into something more resembling a face.
Harry did a double take. "Hey, that looks just like Dawlish," he said.
"He's the one who sent us out here," said Malfoy. "He deserves to have his brains eaten."
The two of them crept down the stairwell, wands at the ready. They paused when they reached the bottom of the steps. There were shuffling sounds coming from the porch and occasional scratches at the door and mournful moans.
Harry cradled the pumpkin in one arm and sidled along the wall until he reached a window several paces from the door. He cast a Muffliato and cautiously raised the window. Harry stuck the pumpkin through the window and called out, "Oh, please don't eat my head, Mr Zombie!"
The zombie outside the door babbled in excitement and dragged itself as quickly as it could towards the bait. Harry lobbed the pumpkin as far from the door as he could, and the zombie shambled after it.
"Now, Malfoy!" cried Harry, running back to his partner.
Malfoy wrenched the door open, and both Aurors spilled outside and bolted for the edge of the property and the wards. Behind them, the zombie howled in outrage, having apparently figured out that the head was a fake.
"Faster!" shouted Harry, putting on a burst of speed. He and Malfoy raced across the open yard. Malfoy cried out as he stumbled over a tree root and fell. Harry skidded to a halt and looked back. For a dead bloke, the zombie was moving rather quickly in their direction. Harry grabbed his partner's arm and hauled Malfoy to his feet again. They broke into a run once more, reaching the safety of the tree line just in time to collide with another pair of Aurors.
All four of them fell in a flailing, yelping pile of tangled wands and limbs.
The zombie made a sound that resembled a cackling laugh and lumbered closer.
"Ah!" cried Ron, trying desperately to scoot away.
Harry's glasses had been knocked off in the melee, and he couldn't see well enough to cast a spell.
"Where's my wand?!" yelled Malfoy.
"Uunngh!" bellowed the zombie from mere paces away.
Hermione sat up and shoved the hair out of her face. Her wand centered on the zombie's chest. "Reducto!" she cried.
The zombie was reaching for Hermione when her spell hit. It exploded into chunks of decaying flesh.
"Yes!" whooped Ron, an instant before some of the putrid pieces began raining down on them.
"Protego!" Malfoy yelled, but it was too late. The Aurors were now covered in bits of zombie.
Silence descended.
"Bloody hell," muttered Ron.
"There isn't a Scourgify strong enough for this," sneered Malfoy.
"There isn't enough alcohol for this," added Harry.
Hermione pushed Malfoy's leg off of her and clambered to her feet. She twirled the tip of her wand, gathering power, then cast the strongest Scourgify she knew. It helped, but not completely. She sighed and resheathed her wand. "I suggest we all return home and take showers in boiling hot water," she said. "Then, we'll meet up at the Leaky to get drunk. All in favor?"
Vampire Taint
Author: enchanted_jae
Characters: Harry, Draco (pre-slash), Ron/Hermione
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Yucky zombie things
Word count: 1080
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This fic/drabble was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
♦ Birthday gift for echowilde, who asked for H/D zombie fic. You got more zombie than you did H/D...sorry.
♦ hp_creatures photo prompts
Summary: Harry and Malfoy have been dispatched to an abandoned home in search of the missing owner. They think they've found him, but more importantly, he's found them.
"Do you reckon it's still out there?"
Harry eased the curtains aside and looked out into the darkened yard. "I don't see it," he whispered.
"M-maybe you should go out to check," suggested Malfoy.
Harry turned to glare at his partner. "Why should I be the one to go out and check?" he asked.
"Zombies eat brains, yeah?"
"Yes," Harry replied, wondering what Malfoy was getting at.
"Surely, it will bypass you," said Malfoy.
"Sod off, Malfoy," hissed Harry. He and his partner were holed up in this ramshackle old house in the dead of night with a decidedly undead zombie shuffling around outside, and Malfoy wanted to make jokes. They had been dispatched to check on the mysterious disappearance of the former home owner, and Harry had a sneaking suspicion he was the one ambling around outside and making gurgling noises.
"Where's our back up?" Malfoy asked, peering out the window on his side of the room. The two of them were on the second floor of the house, hoping to avoid detection by the zombie.
"We can't sit here all night waiting to be rescued," said Harry. "We're going to have to take matters into our own hands."
"The killing curse won't work on a zombie, Potter. It's already dead."
"Cruciatus?"
Malfoy shook his head. "If a zombie feels no pain at losing a limb, no amount of Crucio is going to affect it."
"Wronski Feint?"
"Are you suggesting we challenge a zombie to a Quidditch match?!"
Harry chuckled at that. "No, Malfoy. What I meant was, perhaps we can fake it out."
"What did you have in mind?"
"Come here and look out the window," said Harry. He caught his breath when his partner crowded behind him. Malfoy's body was warm and solid, and Harry had the sudden urge to press his arse back against his partner's groin. "Do you," he began, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. "Do you see that pumpkin patch over there?"
"Yes," murmured Malfoy, breath stirring the hair at Harry's nape.
Harry shivered. "We can...um...we can carve one of the pumpkins to look like a head and see if the zombie takes the bait, then make a run for it while it's distracted."
Malfoy leaned back and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "That might work, Potter," he said. "Of course, if the property owner hadn't placed anti-Apparation wards around the perimeter, this would be a moot point."
"If the damned house had more than one entrance, it would also be a moot point," said Harry. "However, we can't change that now, Malfoy. All we can do is try to get out of here with our brains intact."
They pried the old window open, and Harry levitated one of the pumpkins up and into the room they occupied. There was a loud bang on the door below, followed by incoherent groaning.
Malfoy cringed. "Hurry up, Potter," he said. "If that creature breaks the door down, we're through."
Harry found a broken biro and transfigured it into a knife. He worked quickly, gutting the pumpkin and carving a face in it. Malfoy swished his wand and transformed the jack-o-lantern's rough-hewn features into something more resembling a face.
Harry did a double take. "Hey, that looks just like Dawlish," he said.
"He's the one who sent us out here," said Malfoy. "He deserves to have his brains eaten."
The two of them crept down the stairwell, wands at the ready. They paused when they reached the bottom of the steps. There were shuffling sounds coming from the porch and occasional scratches at the door and mournful moans.
Harry cradled the pumpkin in one arm and sidled along the wall until he reached a window several paces from the door. He cast a Muffliato and cautiously raised the window. Harry stuck the pumpkin through the window and called out, "Oh, please don't eat my head, Mr Zombie!"
The zombie outside the door babbled in excitement and dragged itself as quickly as it could towards the bait. Harry lobbed the pumpkin as far from the door as he could, and the zombie shambled after it.
"Now, Malfoy!" cried Harry, running back to his partner.
Malfoy wrenched the door open, and both Aurors spilled outside and bolted for the edge of the property and the wards. Behind them, the zombie howled in outrage, having apparently figured out that the head was a fake.
"Faster!" shouted Harry, putting on a burst of speed. He and Malfoy raced across the open yard. Malfoy cried out as he stumbled over a tree root and fell. Harry skidded to a halt and looked back. For a dead bloke, the zombie was moving rather quickly in their direction. Harry grabbed his partner's arm and hauled Malfoy to his feet again. They broke into a run once more, reaching the safety of the tree line just in time to collide with another pair of Aurors.
All four of them fell in a flailing, yelping pile of tangled wands and limbs.
The zombie made a sound that resembled a cackling laugh and lumbered closer.
"Ah!" cried Ron, trying desperately to scoot away.
Harry's glasses had been knocked off in the melee, and he couldn't see well enough to cast a spell.
"Where's my wand?!" yelled Malfoy.
"Uunngh!" bellowed the zombie from mere paces away.
Hermione sat up and shoved the hair out of her face. Her wand centered on the zombie's chest. "Reducto!" she cried.
The zombie was reaching for Hermione when her spell hit. It exploded into chunks of decaying flesh.
"Yes!" whooped Ron, an instant before some of the putrid pieces began raining down on them.
"Protego!" Malfoy yelled, but it was too late. The Aurors were now covered in bits of zombie.
Silence descended.
"Bloody hell," muttered Ron.
"There isn't a Scourgify strong enough for this," sneered Malfoy.
"There isn't enough alcohol for this," added Harry.
Hermione pushed Malfoy's leg off of her and clambered to her feet. She twirled the tip of her wand, gathering power, then cast the strongest Scourgify she knew. It helped, but not completely. She sighed and resheathed her wand. "I suggest we all return home and take showers in boiling hot water," she said. "Then, we'll meet up at the Leaky to get drunk. All in favor?"
Vampire Taint