Civic Pride
The other night I was at a local bar, watching some show. I'm standing in the back of the crowd. Some folks at the table behind us scoot their bar stools right up to us. Suddenly I start getting bumped from behind. This goes on. This lady keeps scooting her bar stool closer and closer, so that if she moves, she bangs into me.
A little jostle here and there is normal, but it's getting... over the top. Finally I turn around, and she gives me a sicky sweet smile, and says "Hi, how are ya!?!" It totally fucking disarmed me. I said "good." and turned around. She bangs into me some more. I think about just sitting down in her lap. This is weird behavior for sure.
Later she gets up and leaves, and her friend that was in a bar stool that ended up next to me, moves to the seat behind me so it doesn't get snagged. Her friend comes back and starts the pushing and shoving again.
Suddenly her friend pipes up. "That dudes been there this entire time. You're being rude. Apologize to him." She just says "uhhuh!" to her friend and goes about banging into me. I smile at her friend and say "It's fine." She bumps me a couple times, and I start staring at my tall boy thinking "What do they put in this that makes me want to pick fights?"
By this point, I've become bored with the place, so I turn to the bumpy lady and lean in and say "Your friend asked me to have you hold this." and hold out my mostly empty beer can. She's sitting with her beer bottle in both hands in her lap on the stool. She's wise to me and doesn't accept it. Her arms and beer bottle make a nice can receptacle though, so I just pitch it into the little hoop she's made and say "Thanks!!!" and then walk away. When last I see her she's making a disgusted "uggghhhhn" face. (Make the noise, and then think about what you had to do to make it, then exaggerate it, like the world dealt you the worst fucking hand ever. I still, days later, get giddy thinking about it.)
I hope she wrote about me in her Facebook.
A little jostle here and there is normal, but it's getting... over the top. Finally I turn around, and she gives me a sicky sweet smile, and says "Hi, how are ya!?!" It totally fucking disarmed me. I said "good." and turned around. She bangs into me some more. I think about just sitting down in her lap. This is weird behavior for sure.
Later she gets up and leaves, and her friend that was in a bar stool that ended up next to me, moves to the seat behind me so it doesn't get snagged. Her friend comes back and starts the pushing and shoving again.
Suddenly her friend pipes up. "That dudes been there this entire time. You're being rude. Apologize to him." She just says "uhhuh!" to her friend and goes about banging into me. I smile at her friend and say "It's fine." She bumps me a couple times, and I start staring at my tall boy thinking "What do they put in this that makes me want to pick fights?"
By this point, I've become bored with the place, so I turn to the bumpy lady and lean in and say "Your friend asked me to have you hold this." and hold out my mostly empty beer can. She's sitting with her beer bottle in both hands in her lap on the stool. She's wise to me and doesn't accept it. Her arms and beer bottle make a nice can receptacle though, so I just pitch it into the little hoop she's made and say "Thanks!!!" and then walk away. When last I see her she's making a disgusted "uggghhhhn" face. (Make the noise, and then think about what you had to do to make it, then exaggerate it, like the world dealt you the worst fucking hand ever. I still, days later, get giddy thinking about it.)
I hope she wrote about me in her Facebook.