Great going.
Jeez. I never thought reading a post in someones blog could make me laugh my ass off and bawl as loud as I could one right after the other.
I swear I've got a mental disorder.
So I was walking around barefoot at 11 o clock last night, crying my eyes out and being soothed by Robert's voice on the phone, when I realized, Its getting awfully lonely in The Colony.
I was by Longo, and the thought crossed my mind to go bug Sean.
Only.
Sean is in Denton now.
That made me think, Kelsey is in Denton, too.
Kim is about to be at Baylor.
Dani is in Denton, (Or about to be).
And I felt so freaking alone, and so much like a failure.
Here I was, walking around under the facade that I was nearing adulthood like the rest of my friends, but I'm really just an overgrown toddler who can't take care of herself without people holding her hands and leading her through everything.
So because of my inability to do anything myself, I'm not going to a university with my oldest friends like we always planned. I'm not moving out and getting a roommate, like I always dreamed of. I'm staying here, in my parents house, with my minimum wage job, to sit around and wait for people to baby me. Hell, because I say around I may not even get to go to the community college that my other friends are going to. Because we don't have any (and I mean any) money. And I was too juvenille to save any of my paycheck, spending it all on food, comics and video games. Senior year went nothing like I had hoped, planned or dreamed. This summer was a waste. My last year of high school was a waste. I was a lazy bum. And now I'm paying for it.
*sigh*
I'm supposed to be brilliant. Thats what everyone tells me. "You're brilliant! You'll be so successful!" Blah blah blah. Empty words.
So why do I feel like a moron? Why do I feel like I've wasted my entire life? That all the preparing my parents and teachers did is getting me nowhere?
Why do I feel like I've let everyone down?
Yet here I am, blogging about it.
Wow.
Real mature.
We never went on that road trip.
I swear I've got a mental disorder.
So I was walking around barefoot at 11 o clock last night, crying my eyes out and being soothed by Robert's voice on the phone, when I realized, Its getting awfully lonely in The Colony.
I was by Longo, and the thought crossed my mind to go bug Sean.
Only.
Sean is in Denton now.
That made me think, Kelsey is in Denton, too.
Kim is about to be at Baylor.
Dani is in Denton, (Or about to be).
And I felt so freaking alone, and so much like a failure.
Here I was, walking around under the facade that I was nearing adulthood like the rest of my friends, but I'm really just an overgrown toddler who can't take care of herself without people holding her hands and leading her through everything.
So because of my inability to do anything myself, I'm not going to a university with my oldest friends like we always planned. I'm not moving out and getting a roommate, like I always dreamed of. I'm staying here, in my parents house, with my minimum wage job, to sit around and wait for people to baby me. Hell, because I say around I may not even get to go to the community college that my other friends are going to. Because we don't have any (and I mean any) money. And I was too juvenille to save any of my paycheck, spending it all on food, comics and video games. Senior year went nothing like I had hoped, planned or dreamed. This summer was a waste. My last year of high school was a waste. I was a lazy bum. And now I'm paying for it.
*sigh*
I'm supposed to be brilliant. Thats what everyone tells me. "You're brilliant! You'll be so successful!" Blah blah blah. Empty words.
So why do I feel like a moron? Why do I feel like I've wasted my entire life? That all the preparing my parents and teachers did is getting me nowhere?
Why do I feel like I've let everyone down?
Yet here I am, blogging about it.
Wow.
Real mature.
We never went on that road trip.