(no subject)
So ...
I'm having a really bad week. I don't know why I go through these spells either. I think that's the thing that pisses me off the most. I don't really know why I feel the way that I do half the time. It's insane. I'm stressing about a bunch of stuff ... past, present, and future. It's apparently not healthy.
~ My aunts in Ohio are not doing well and it makes me sad that I can't be there to help out and be there for them. It also makes me sad that my parents won't even put in a phone call to Ohio to check on things when they promised my uncle before he died that they would help take care of things. Now the whole situation has gone to hell in a hand-basket and I have no choice but to sit here on the sidelines and be helpless.
~ My parents have, once again, cut my budget. The original agreement was $350. About a month after that was arranged, they backed down and said $250 would be more reasonable. Okay ... so I got used to that and then, a few days ago, my budget was cut down to $100. We've been arguing a lot lately and, it turns out, they had a discussion yesterday about how long they should give me to find someplace else to live. Our relationship just keeps falling further downhill and there's really no way to fix it. They're set with their ideas and I can't be okay with them trying to live my life for me and control everything. I have to grow up sometime.
~ Eli and I are on a rollercoaster of sorts right now. Contrary to popular belief ... we are still together. I'm happy he likes his job. I'm not happy with a lot of people in his life. I'm not happy that he's going out of town this weekend. I am happy that he's trying to be straight up with me and that we can normally come to some sort of compromise. I'm happy that we love each other and are trying to have a future together.
~ I need to find a job so that I can start saving some money and move out on my own. But I also need to find a job that will go around my school schedual. Which brings me to another point.
~ I'm really unhappy at this school. I have no desire to go back after this vacation. I am constantly hearing about how much money my dad's spending on my education and I feel like it's a big waste of time and money. I need to meet with Shannon and see how much money my dad would have to pay if I backed out. I'd rather be in an apprenticeship and actually know what the hell I'm doing than continue on the path I'm on. I've never really had a desire to be anything but a wife and mom. Psychology was interesting. This, I'm afraid, is just not me at all.
~ A lot of the feelings that I'm having ... I can't explain. I don't know why I think and say the things that I do. It's like I'm not me. I'm constantly depressed. I'm physically ill on a daily basis. I can't eat without getting sick at some point or another. Everyone's telling me that I need to go to the doctor. It's pathetic. I hate medication. You know it gets bad when you're upset and someone goes "does somebody need some medicine??"
I just really don't know what's going on anymore.
I think I might need some help.
I'm having a really bad week. I don't know why I go through these spells either. I think that's the thing that pisses me off the most. I don't really know why I feel the way that I do half the time. It's insane. I'm stressing about a bunch of stuff ... past, present, and future. It's apparently not healthy.
~ My aunts in Ohio are not doing well and it makes me sad that I can't be there to help out and be there for them. It also makes me sad that my parents won't even put in a phone call to Ohio to check on things when they promised my uncle before he died that they would help take care of things. Now the whole situation has gone to hell in a hand-basket and I have no choice but to sit here on the sidelines and be helpless.
~ My parents have, once again, cut my budget. The original agreement was $350. About a month after that was arranged, they backed down and said $250 would be more reasonable. Okay ... so I got used to that and then, a few days ago, my budget was cut down to $100. We've been arguing a lot lately and, it turns out, they had a discussion yesterday about how long they should give me to find someplace else to live. Our relationship just keeps falling further downhill and there's really no way to fix it. They're set with their ideas and I can't be okay with them trying to live my life for me and control everything. I have to grow up sometime.
~ Eli and I are on a rollercoaster of sorts right now. Contrary to popular belief ... we are still together. I'm happy he likes his job. I'm not happy with a lot of people in his life. I'm not happy that he's going out of town this weekend. I am happy that he's trying to be straight up with me and that we can normally come to some sort of compromise. I'm happy that we love each other and are trying to have a future together.
~ I need to find a job so that I can start saving some money and move out on my own. But I also need to find a job that will go around my school schedual. Which brings me to another point.
~ I'm really unhappy at this school. I have no desire to go back after this vacation. I am constantly hearing about how much money my dad's spending on my education and I feel like it's a big waste of time and money. I need to meet with Shannon and see how much money my dad would have to pay if I backed out. I'd rather be in an apprenticeship and actually know what the hell I'm doing than continue on the path I'm on. I've never really had a desire to be anything but a wife and mom. Psychology was interesting. This, I'm afraid, is just not me at all.
~ A lot of the feelings that I'm having ... I can't explain. I don't know why I think and say the things that I do. It's like I'm not me. I'm constantly depressed. I'm physically ill on a daily basis. I can't eat without getting sick at some point or another. Everyone's telling me that I need to go to the doctor. It's pathetic. I hate medication. You know it gets bad when you're upset and someone goes "does somebody need some medicine??"
I just really don't know what's going on anymore.
I think I might need some help.