i got me for life

May 21, 2016 17:12

This is just going to be a plethora of words that I'm spewing out - feelings all over the place yay.

1. I've been doing a thing for the teacher and fandom aspect of my life and thanking one person each day for the month of May. It's a way to kind of send a crap ton of good karma out into the universe [and hopefully it comes back to me]
2. Teaching is seriously one of the most difficult jobs ever. Parents are on my case right now and I've read some terrible e-mails and I just don't want to deal with them.
3. My classroom and house continue to be a mess. I need to just sit and organize but I'm a serial hoarder and I'm so damn lazy - a terrible combo tbh
4. Weight is still a problem - a daily issue I struggle with. Clothes don't fit, tears have fallen, and I'll still reach for the calorie laden foods
5. I think I'm going to die alone, which would be fine on a normal day, but I've felt so cripplingly alone these past few weeks, it's terrifying right now
6. I don't even know how many people read this anymore - 1, 2? And even less comment. Not helping my feelings any. This goes for all aspects of social media. It's a dangerous world out there - always comparing my numbers to others, my comments to others, my feelings to others, my friends to others. It's playing with my mind and comparison/jealousy is the root of all evil, I swear it.
7. My birthday is Wednesday and while I usually make a big deal of it, I'm really just wanting to close the door on the world.
8. I have passport shit to deal with because I somehow lost mine. I am such an idiot, seriously. They want you to prove citizenship but I became a citizen under my dad because I was less than 18, and I don't have an old passport to prove it hence the reason I'm getting a new one! Plus it's costing so much money. And the reason I need a passport is I'm going to Kenya this summer and I'm not looking forward to it too much for a few reasons
9. I feel like all I do is give, and don't receive anything in turn. And I KNOW that I don't give all of myself to get stuff, but a little recognition or appreciation would be amazing.
10. I needed a nice even number for this haha. I am so behind on EVERYTHING. I need to prioritize again, it's getting to be a problem. I ask my students all the time 'what are you choosing to do instead?' for late assignments and such, and for me? I couldn't tell you.

Okay that was my word vomit of the day. I hope you're keeping well. And if you read all that? You're a rockstar.

personal:real life

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