status update
Okay so here's the thing. I'm overweight. Like obese. Doctors have constantly said stuff and that's one of the reason I hate going to see them.
My lower back had been KILLING me in October and I found out I have mild arthritis. My family has a history of diabetes and heart disease and cholesterol and somehow I couldn't stop shoving my face with food that I shouldn't eat. I'd get super hungry after work and stop for fast food. I had a problem. My will power is completely shot, I have no motivation for the gym, and I'm not satisfied with how I look so I just eat more. It's a vicious cycle.
Finally I took a step and signed up for Quick Weight Loss. I feel like I sold my soul when I signed on that dotted line and almost a thousand dollars later I am trying to lose that weight. It's been five pounds so far and I'd like to think my will power has gotten a little better, if only because I think of all the money I spent already. My mind is a terrible place to be with self pity and lack of self worth and it's disgusting on all sorts of levels.
I am at a loss though because I KNOW I have a problem and I've taken a step to remedy it but I want to cheat ALL THE TIME. I cracked and ate a piece of chocolate right now because I couldn't resist and sflkjsldfkj I don't know what to do. I feel numb sometimes and cranky and blah. But yes. This is my everyday struggle and this is what I'm doing right now. I've been absent on LJ and less social and felt completely worthless and I'm going to try to be better. Because I have to be. For me. But yeah. There it is haha. *hides away again*