(no subject)
-its been a while-
so...things are..things. im getting over my fear of people. im being endowed with some sort of courage to get me throuhg each day...maybe its cuz i know im gonna be out of here in a year or so. dunno. laura, i never thanked you for throwing kelsi back into ma life. THANK YOU FRIEND!!!!! i felt like goo b/c all i did was get all paranoid (for good purposes though...you would know..you know?) i havnt worked out in a week, so 'feel like crap' is an understatement. i think it helps me 'deal' with ma inner bitch, it has a tendency to get the best of me.
AND...i want to so desperately. i dont even know anyone their except 2 rock my world authors. but it shouldnt matter if i know anyone or not. im having some personal schizo like debate with my self. 'should i raise money for such a graet cause, that MIGHT help a few people out of turmoil, or do i sit here and say 'thats too bad' and pitch in my two cents at the local drop off center/grocery store?' gaaahhh...this is what ive always wanted to DOOOO!!! it seems so obvious, but...i dont know. its like...i dont know... fear?? im selfish. i should. but.....arg.
yeah, this is insane. i really need to focus. i sit here and dont know what to say first....so ill start with.. the nice romanian kid also is one of the few techno freaks in this world -woopwoop- he's been to ibiza, so i officially began to foam at the mouth O____X i have to go there too. and, to all the freakishly obsessed vampire lubbers out there (*stabs mac in the eye*) he lived across THE castle!! no, not just 'a' castle, but the 'lair' of vlad tepes dracula himselfohmygawd!!!! -picture me exploding- jussst, aaaaahhhhhh.... it was great. he's one of those people that you can just listen to. i add in a few comments, afew mesmerized 'oooooooh's , but i can just listen, b/c when i speak i kind of ruin his talking... so i just listen ^^ and who's gonna be driving and paying 5 dollars a gallon in a few months??????
......*wildly flails about* MMMMEEEEEEE!! its gonna be great. i might have to take crap advice from some local red necks and dump moonshine in ma tank...and if i get pissed or stressed, just freaken stop the car and load up. its either that or use ?fry? oil...im clueless and should go bury myself..not really, im just ranting again. so my bro.s REALLY gonna go ice fishing in alaska for about...err...a few months on a cool boat. i told him he is cool. *I* want to go ice fishing on a cool boat. i ALSO want to live on the coast of ?somewhere? and stick ginormous metal rods into the sand on stormy days and watch lightning strike them. i saw it in a movie, but i forgot what movie. this really sweet girl here (just as overprotected as moi) knows what im talking about...but she also forgot what movie. it must have sucked, but the concept is awesome. when the lightning strikes the rods, it creates funky glass formations from the sand. they look like translucant amoebas that emit rainbows in the light. you can come see me in a few yeras and stare at my glass amoebas under colorful lights. you dont have to talk to me, just come to my humble house near the water and stare.
AND-- i found out that i can be capable of becoming an annoying leech. not a greedy leech or a needy leech (WHO'S been watching dr. suess??!! >___O) but just a leech. when someone attaches them selves to me, im not like that, and untill now, i havnt realized that i feel like a loaner and useless when no one really wants to get to know me or already knows my fears, my loves, my habits and such...i want to have someone again. but whats really irking is the fact that people read me wrong. its like theyre reading a book upside down and backwards. i'll explain later, its bothering me and freaking gnawing at my brain at why people do this. mandas friend wil be here on saturday...-booooooo-
so...things are..things. im getting over my fear of people. im being endowed with some sort of courage to get me throuhg each day...maybe its cuz i know im gonna be out of here in a year or so. dunno. laura, i never thanked you for throwing kelsi back into ma life. THANK YOU FRIEND!!!!! i felt like goo b/c all i did was get all paranoid (for good purposes though...you would know..you know?) i havnt worked out in a week, so 'feel like crap' is an understatement. i think it helps me 'deal' with ma inner bitch, it has a tendency to get the best of me.
AND...i want to so desperately. i dont even know anyone their except 2 rock my world authors. but it shouldnt matter if i know anyone or not. im having some personal schizo like debate with my self. 'should i raise money for such a graet cause, that MIGHT help a few people out of turmoil, or do i sit here and say 'thats too bad' and pitch in my two cents at the local drop off center/grocery store?' gaaahhh...this is what ive always wanted to DOOOO!!! it seems so obvious, but...i dont know. its like...i dont know... fear?? im selfish. i should. but.....arg.
yeah, this is insane. i really need to focus. i sit here and dont know what to say first....so ill start with.. the nice romanian kid also is one of the few techno freaks in this world -woopwoop- he's been to ibiza, so i officially began to foam at the mouth O____X i have to go there too. and, to all the freakishly obsessed vampire lubbers out there (*stabs mac in the eye*) he lived across THE castle!! no, not just 'a' castle, but the 'lair' of vlad tepes dracula himselfohmygawd!!!! -picture me exploding- jussst, aaaaahhhhhh.... it was great. he's one of those people that you can just listen to. i add in a few comments, afew mesmerized 'oooooooh's , but i can just listen, b/c when i speak i kind of ruin his talking... so i just listen ^^ and who's gonna be driving and paying 5 dollars a gallon in a few months??????
......*wildly flails about* MMMMEEEEEEE!! its gonna be great. i might have to take crap advice from some local red necks and dump moonshine in ma tank...and if i get pissed or stressed, just freaken stop the car and load up. its either that or use ?fry? oil...im clueless and should go bury myself..not really, im just ranting again. so my bro.s REALLY gonna go ice fishing in alaska for about...err...a few months on a cool boat. i told him he is cool. *I* want to go ice fishing on a cool boat. i ALSO want to live on the coast of ?somewhere? and stick ginormous metal rods into the sand on stormy days and watch lightning strike them. i saw it in a movie, but i forgot what movie. this really sweet girl here (just as overprotected as moi) knows what im talking about...but she also forgot what movie. it must have sucked, but the concept is awesome. when the lightning strikes the rods, it creates funky glass formations from the sand. they look like translucant amoebas that emit rainbows in the light. you can come see me in a few yeras and stare at my glass amoebas under colorful lights. you dont have to talk to me, just come to my humble house near the water and stare.
AND-- i found out that i can be capable of becoming an annoying leech. not a greedy leech or a needy leech (WHO'S been watching dr. suess??!! >___O) but just a leech. when someone attaches them selves to me, im not like that, and untill now, i havnt realized that i feel like a loaner and useless when no one really wants to get to know me or already knows my fears, my loves, my habits and such...i want to have someone again. but whats really irking is the fact that people read me wrong. its like theyre reading a book upside down and backwards. i'll explain later, its bothering me and freaking gnawing at my brain at why people do this. mandas friend wil be here on saturday...-booooooo-