The Haggis

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This is the version Scots tell non-Scots

The haggis is a small round animal which lives on the side of a hill. In order to stand upright it has the legs on the left side considerably shorter than the legs on the right side. (The rare right handed haggis which has long legs on the left and the short legs on the right is nearly extinct) The haggis is thus able to run very quickly around the hill but can move up and down the hill slowly because of course it has to move sideways in order to do so. This makes hunting the haggis a very specialised task.
Согласно преданию, Хаггис - это маленький мохнатый зверек, который живет на холме, поэтому у него 2 лапы с одной стороны короче, чем с другой. Он может очень быстро бегать вокруг холма, но вверх и вниз он бегает медленно, поскольку ему приходится переваливаться с боку на бок. Поэтому охота на Хаггиса - специфическое занятие.

Capturing a haggis

The hunter equipped with a large net on a wooden handle (and a good supply of whisky) proceeds carefully up the hill and creeps up behind the Haggis, (the Haggis has very poor eyesight but very keen hearing). He then shouts “BOO” in a loud voice and haggis runs away at high speed. The hunter then turns through 180 degrees and faces the opposite way. The Haggis runs completely around the hill and, due to its poor eyesight runs into the hunters net. The hunter then finishes off his supply of whisky.


  


The Truth (The great secret of Scotland…On no account admit that you know this!)

The haggis is in fact a type of sausage. It is made of the chopped up lungs and liver of a sheep, mixed with oatmeal and spices, (the exact spices vary from family recipe to family recipe) stuffed into the sheep’s stomach and boiled. Traditionally it is eaten accompanied by “taties”, (potatoes) and “neaps” (turnip) and, of course, whisky!


    

 On formal occasions the haggis is ceremonially “piped” into the room by a kilted bagpipe player who leads the chef and the addresser. The addresser then recites Burns’ poem “Ode to the Haggis” and stabs it with a knife, drinks a toast, (with the chef) to the haggis before it is served.