who knows what day it is?!?!
i don't want anymore ideals. i just want some fucking action.
yesterday/today/i'm not sure what to call it yet, i became 18. i refuse to go to sleep because i want this freshness to last. i feel if i go to sleep then i'll wake up and the birthday will be gone and all i have realized today/yesterday, will be gone. i'll tell you, it's not so easy. it was easy but then it got hard and now i'm basically doing anything to stay awake. i do not want to go to school tomorrow. there is one reason and one reason only as to why i don't want to go to school tomorrow. this reason is because i have not yet finished reading steppenwolf. yes, oddly and ironicly, a book is holding me back from being happy. to be a little more specific, i have to do a term paper on steppenwolf and tomorrow an outline is due. i haven't finished the book and i can't thinkg of anything to write about it and so this makes it hard to do an outline. this is the reason i don't want to go to school tomorrow. i was thinking that i could just do it now, but i can barely stay awake as it is. i'm actually writing most of this entry with my eyes closed. i suppose that this isn't a good time to be doing this. i have many things to do. meh.
lets get down to what's really going on. i am now 18 years old and i don't want to have words in my lexicon such as, boring, lack of motivation, wasted, stupid...and many more that have escaped me because i'm not completely lucid right now. actually words are getting very mixed up in my head...but i will continue. i want to really start becoming the person i wish to be. i want to change my perpective on things. eh. i don't want to hate any part of my life, even school. but what do i do about this term paper crap. because here i am saying all these words...my ideals, my thoughts, but i question where my action is. as we speak i get closer and closer to the time at which i will have to go to school and i am not further along with my outline. what happen? i really don't get it. why do i do these things? i don't think i lack motivation...but what is it then...what's all this craziness...why can't i just do the things i know need to get done?
my god i want nothing more then to sleep...but now it's 4 in the morning and if i go to sleep now i won't be able to get up...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
yesterday/today/i'm not sure what to call it yet, i became 18. i refuse to go to sleep because i want this freshness to last. i feel if i go to sleep then i'll wake up and the birthday will be gone and all i have realized today/yesterday, will be gone. i'll tell you, it's not so easy. it was easy but then it got hard and now i'm basically doing anything to stay awake. i do not want to go to school tomorrow. there is one reason and one reason only as to why i don't want to go to school tomorrow. this reason is because i have not yet finished reading steppenwolf. yes, oddly and ironicly, a book is holding me back from being happy. to be a little more specific, i have to do a term paper on steppenwolf and tomorrow an outline is due. i haven't finished the book and i can't thinkg of anything to write about it and so this makes it hard to do an outline. this is the reason i don't want to go to school tomorrow. i was thinking that i could just do it now, but i can barely stay awake as it is. i'm actually writing most of this entry with my eyes closed. i suppose that this isn't a good time to be doing this. i have many things to do. meh.
lets get down to what's really going on. i am now 18 years old and i don't want to have words in my lexicon such as, boring, lack of motivation, wasted, stupid...and many more that have escaped me because i'm not completely lucid right now. actually words are getting very mixed up in my head...but i will continue. i want to really start becoming the person i wish to be. i want to change my perpective on things. eh. i don't want to hate any part of my life, even school. but what do i do about this term paper crap. because here i am saying all these words...my ideals, my thoughts, but i question where my action is. as we speak i get closer and closer to the time at which i will have to go to school and i am not further along with my outline. what happen? i really don't get it. why do i do these things? i don't think i lack motivation...but what is it then...what's all this craziness...why can't i just do the things i know need to get done?
my god i want nothing more then to sleep...but now it's 4 in the morning and if i go to sleep now i won't be able to get up...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz