Fic: The Will of the Force (2/?)
Title: The Will of the Force (2/?)
Author: emthejedichic
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Siri/Xanatos
Summary: While undercover, Siri meets Xanatos, and they form a strong bond. When Siri’s mission ends, Xanatos trails her to Coruscant- but is arrested, forcing Siri to choose between the Jedi and the man she has come to love. Siri/Xan, AU
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to people who aren’t me, apart from the odd OC. I wish it were all mine, but it isn’t.
A/N: The events of this story are set around Jude Watson’s Jedi Quest: The Path to Truth. So if you haven’t read the novel, be forewarned that this fic basically gives away most of the plot. Go ahead and read the fic anyway, if you don’t mind being spoiled, but you might not quite understand what’s going on. If you’ve not read Path to Truth and are completely confused, let me know- I’ll be happy to explain things.
Pertinent background information (info about the characters, ect. for those who aren't too familiar with canon) for the fic is here.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2- Just Believe This is Real
I’m hoping that this chapter isn’t too awfully emo. My original draft was emo in the extreme, so to me this just seems so much better. If it is too angsty…. I apologize.
-
I am
What I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But it’s like
No matter what I do
I can’t convince you
To just believe this is real
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here
‘Cause you’re all I got.
-Linkin Park
-
(Siri)
The meeting with Xanatos is the best stroke of luck I could have had. True to his word, Xanatos contacts Krayn, and they manage to come to an agreement that is mutually profitable.
Krayn is pleased, and begins to trust me much more. It seems as though I’ve finally proved myself. He starts going on raids more often, and trusts me with overseeing the factories for longer periods of time.
I haven’t seen Xanatos since that evening on Tatooine, but he’s commed me several times. Krayn finds out about it, and that isn’t a pleasant encounter.
“You could have told me that you were dating our client, Zora,” he challenges.
I sigh. “I’m not dating him. I can’t help it if he’s attracted to me,” I say, trying to downplay the situation.
Krayn scowls. “You’d better not do anything to upset him. But if you can draw him in further… see that you do.”
“Are you telling me to sleep with him just so he’ll keep buying from us?” I ask indignantly.
“I’m telling you not to do anything that would cause us to loose this commission.”
“I can handle my private life just fine, thanks.” I say brusquely.
Later that day, I’m sitting in the guard’s station on level twelve. Ostensibly, I’m supposed to be supervising production, but if I go out there and glower at the slaves it makes the guards nervous, causing them to beat the slaves more harshly, which decreases production even further. Glowering at the guards produces the same results, so I generally just sit around and make sure they don’t forget I’m here.
I’m currently watching a soap on the holonet. A bright eyed, pretty Twi’lek girl is just declaring her undying love for some scruffy looking spacer when my comlink signals.
I mute the soap and answer. “Zora Jade.”
“Hello,” says a warm voice on the other end of the line.
I smile. “Xanatos.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m at work.”
“Ah. Any chance Krayn will let you leave early?”
“Maybe. How early?”
“In… oh, let’s say, forty-five minutes? Actually, better make it an hour.”
“Why?”
“Because, I’m on Nal Hutta right now. I was here on business, and I thought I’d drop by and see you.”
“Really?” I ask. “That’s sweet.”
Meanwhile, the spacer is saying something angrily, probably making a reference to how he’s afraid to love again after his last wife’s death, in a tragic accident that he could have prevented.
“So, when do you get off?”
“Uh… three more hours.”
He makes a tsking noise. “Won’t do. I’m starved. I want to eat as soon as I get there, and I want you to have dinner with me.”
“I have to supervise production,” I say.
“Will Krayn not let you leave?”
I consider. I know I shouldn’t go out with Xanatos- I’m too close to getting emotionally involved as it is. But Krayn may actually let me go, I realize as I remember what he had said to me earlier. He wants me to ‘draw Xanatos in’. Pleasing Krayn is essential, so this dinner date may actually help me with my mission… “I’ll ask him,” I say.
“Good.” Xanatos says; sounding pleased. “Where do you want to meet?”
“How about the Nag’s Head? It’s a bar just off the main drag, you can’t miss it- they’ve got this big holoscreen sign. And there are usually some pretty good bands playing.”
“Sounds good,” he says. “I’ll be there soon.”
Xanatos cuts off the transmission. On the soap, the spacer has finally broken down and taken the Twi’lek in his arms, kissing her. At that moment, however, the door slides open and a tall Quermian walks in. The Quermian is the Twi’lek’s adoptive son, I remember, who despises the spacer because he had caused the death of his biological parents. The Twi’lek doesn’t know this, however, and the Quermian is just about to reveal everything…
I turn off the soap. “As though my real life doesn’t have enough drama,” I mutter.
-
Despite his earlier admonitions, it takes a little persuasion to get Krayn to let me go. Within a half hour, though, I arrive at the Nag’s Head.
Saying that Krayn runs Nar Shaddaa is not an understatement. As one of his top employees, I have a certain amount of clout, which is why the hostess immediately shows me to a table, despite the line of beings waiting to be seated. They grumble, and I stay in-character by shooting a glare at them.
I’m sipping a drink when Xanatos enters and sits down at my table.
“Krayn let you leave, then?”
I nod. “Yeah. It wasn’t easy to convince him, though. Production on level twelve increases when there’s a supervisor. I keep telling him to put more workers on, but he won’t.”
“Of course not.” Xanatos replies. “It sends the wrong message to the slaves if you pick up their slack.”
“I never thought of it that way.” I say.
“A firm hand is needed with them. I don’t deal with the slaves directly, but there was a time when I did.”
I smile wryly. “Of course you don’t. You’re the rich, powerful CEO, correct?”
He smiles. “Precisely.”
“So what does the rich, powerful CEO do all day?”
“Well, lately he’s been rather preoccupied with a certain young lady…” he teases.
I snort. “Please. I am hardly a lady.”
“If you were, I doubt I’d be interested.”
I smile. “Now, Xanatos. Surely a figure of intrigue and mystery such as yourself can flirt better than that? You sound like the initiates in the saber class I helped out with a few years ago.”
He feigns a hurt expression. “Are you saying that I flirt like an adolescent?”
“Maybe,” I say, smiling coyly.
He gives me a mischievous look. “I assure you, I am quite accomplished in other areas. Perhaps you would like me to show you?”
I smirk. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
This is what I needed- just to be able to sit and talk with someone who cares about me. It‘s nice to be able to stop thinking about my mission for a while.
With a sinking feeling, I suddenly realize that I haven’t acted the part with Xanatos. I haven’t endangered my mission, but I have been acting far more like my true self than the identity I’ve assumed. Perhaps I’ve been so careless because I don’t have an objective in my dealings with Xanatos- I’m friends with him because I honestly enjoy his company.
But clearly, this is more than just friendship, I realize. My heart sinks even further. This is attachment, or at least that’s what it’s well on its way to becoming. And attachment is forbidden, for good reason.
“Zora?”
I blink. “Sorry. I just… I’m a little tired,” I say.
I know what I have to do. I have to end this relationship, before things get any worse.
-
We stay in the bar for a while. After we finish dinner, we order drinks and talk. My heart isn’t really in it, though- my earlier thoughts have successfully put a damper on my good mood.
When we finally leave, Xanatos walks me to where I’ve parked my speeder.
“The night doesn’t have to end here, you know,” he says. “I was going to find a hotel to spend the night in- you could come with me.”
I shake my head. “I need to get back.”
“You said you didn’t have to go back to work until tomorrow morning,” he points out.
“No,” I admit. “I don’t. I just-“
“You just don’t want to sleep with me,” Xanatos says, not unkindly.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I admit. “It’s more that I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow.
“Because, I… I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” I say. “Not like this.”
I see surprise and even something that might have been hurt flicker across his face; then he’s calm again. “Why not?”
“I just don’t think that it’s a good idea for us to- to date, or whatever this is we’re doing.”
“And why is that?” Xanatos asks evenly.
I shake my head. “It wouldn’t work.”
“What makes you so certain?”
“This won’t last, I know it won’t.” Eventually my mission will end, and I will return to the temple- yet another reason I need to end this now.
He moves closer to me. “Does it have to last? If we are doomed in the end, shouldn’t we attempt to cheat fate as long as possible?”
“There is no fate,” I reply without thinking. “There is only the Force.”
Xanatos smiles. “And this is the will of the Force, ” he says patiently.
“You don’t know that.”
“It was the Force that brought us together,” he reminds me.
I shake my head wordlessly.
“You deny that that’s what happened? We talked about this- the Force was what drew us together that night in the cantina.”
“Yes, but-“ I sigh in frustration. “This is just a bad idea.”
“You don’t want to be involved with me?” Xanatos asks.
“No, I don’t,” I say, not meeting his eyes.
“You’re lying.”
“You know what? I don’t need to explain myself to you,” I say angrily. “I don’t want to be with you!”
Xanatos gives me a searching look. “No,” he murmurs. “That’s not it, is it? You’re afraid to be involved with me.”
My heart starts pounding. He’s right. I hadn’t even realized it until this moment, but he’s right. I am afraid.
I refuse to show it, though, so I scoff. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Why, Zora?” he asks gently. “Why are you afraid?”
Because I’m lying to you about who I am, and you’re going to hate me for it. Because the last time that I fell in love-
Woah. I quickly slam the brakes on that thought. I don’t think about that, I remind myself.
Xanatos is still waiting for an answer. I decide the best course of action is to deflect. “Why do you care so much?”
Emotion flickers in his eyes for a moment before his usual calm mask returns. “I just do,” he replies.
I snort. “Well, that’s your problem,” I tell him.
Then I turn and walk away.
“Zora, wait. Zora!”
I don’t listen to him. I go to my speeder, starting the engine and quickly speeding out onto the road. I drive swiftly away.
Eventually I reach Krayn’s compound. I park near the residential buildings, but I stay inside the speeder.
I’m filled with a swirl of emotions, the strongest of which is regret about what I’ve just done. I tell myself that it was the right thing to do, but the thought provides little comfort.
I wonder if I’m also feeling regret for the past. This relationship with Xanatos seems to have dredged up old memories, which I cannot allow myself to dwell on. I made a promise, after all- a promise to forget.
It never happened, I told myself sternly. I’ve never been in love before, because that never happened.
I heave a sigh. This night has really taken it out of me. Wearily, I exit my speeder, heading to my quarters, and to bed.
I dream first of the days I’ve pledged to forget, then of Xanatos and what might have been.
-
*Waves hand* Comment, you will…
Author: emthejedichic
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Siri/Xanatos
Summary: While undercover, Siri meets Xanatos, and they form a strong bond. When Siri’s mission ends, Xanatos trails her to Coruscant- but is arrested, forcing Siri to choose between the Jedi and the man she has come to love. Siri/Xan, AU
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to people who aren’t me, apart from the odd OC. I wish it were all mine, but it isn’t.
A/N: The events of this story are set around Jude Watson’s Jedi Quest: The Path to Truth. So if you haven’t read the novel, be forewarned that this fic basically gives away most of the plot. Go ahead and read the fic anyway, if you don’t mind being spoiled, but you might not quite understand what’s going on. If you’ve not read Path to Truth and are completely confused, let me know- I’ll be happy to explain things.
Pertinent background information (info about the characters, ect. for those who aren't too familiar with canon) for the fic is here.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2- Just Believe This is Real
I’m hoping that this chapter isn’t too awfully emo. My original draft was emo in the extreme, so to me this just seems so much better. If it is too angsty…. I apologize.
-
I am
What I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But it’s like
No matter what I do
I can’t convince you
To just believe this is real
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here
‘Cause you’re all I got.
-Linkin Park
-
(Siri)
The meeting with Xanatos is the best stroke of luck I could have had. True to his word, Xanatos contacts Krayn, and they manage to come to an agreement that is mutually profitable.
Krayn is pleased, and begins to trust me much more. It seems as though I’ve finally proved myself. He starts going on raids more often, and trusts me with overseeing the factories for longer periods of time.
I haven’t seen Xanatos since that evening on Tatooine, but he’s commed me several times. Krayn finds out about it, and that isn’t a pleasant encounter.
“You could have told me that you were dating our client, Zora,” he challenges.
I sigh. “I’m not dating him. I can’t help it if he’s attracted to me,” I say, trying to downplay the situation.
Krayn scowls. “You’d better not do anything to upset him. But if you can draw him in further… see that you do.”
“Are you telling me to sleep with him just so he’ll keep buying from us?” I ask indignantly.
“I’m telling you not to do anything that would cause us to loose this commission.”
“I can handle my private life just fine, thanks.” I say brusquely.
Later that day, I’m sitting in the guard’s station on level twelve. Ostensibly, I’m supposed to be supervising production, but if I go out there and glower at the slaves it makes the guards nervous, causing them to beat the slaves more harshly, which decreases production even further. Glowering at the guards produces the same results, so I generally just sit around and make sure they don’t forget I’m here.
I’m currently watching a soap on the holonet. A bright eyed, pretty Twi’lek girl is just declaring her undying love for some scruffy looking spacer when my comlink signals.
I mute the soap and answer. “Zora Jade.”
“Hello,” says a warm voice on the other end of the line.
I smile. “Xanatos.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m at work.”
“Ah. Any chance Krayn will let you leave early?”
“Maybe. How early?”
“In… oh, let’s say, forty-five minutes? Actually, better make it an hour.”
“Why?”
“Because, I’m on Nal Hutta right now. I was here on business, and I thought I’d drop by and see you.”
“Really?” I ask. “That’s sweet.”
Meanwhile, the spacer is saying something angrily, probably making a reference to how he’s afraid to love again after his last wife’s death, in a tragic accident that he could have prevented.
“So, when do you get off?”
“Uh… three more hours.”
He makes a tsking noise. “Won’t do. I’m starved. I want to eat as soon as I get there, and I want you to have dinner with me.”
“I have to supervise production,” I say.
“Will Krayn not let you leave?”
I consider. I know I shouldn’t go out with Xanatos- I’m too close to getting emotionally involved as it is. But Krayn may actually let me go, I realize as I remember what he had said to me earlier. He wants me to ‘draw Xanatos in’. Pleasing Krayn is essential, so this dinner date may actually help me with my mission… “I’ll ask him,” I say.
“Good.” Xanatos says; sounding pleased. “Where do you want to meet?”
“How about the Nag’s Head? It’s a bar just off the main drag, you can’t miss it- they’ve got this big holoscreen sign. And there are usually some pretty good bands playing.”
“Sounds good,” he says. “I’ll be there soon.”
Xanatos cuts off the transmission. On the soap, the spacer has finally broken down and taken the Twi’lek in his arms, kissing her. At that moment, however, the door slides open and a tall Quermian walks in. The Quermian is the Twi’lek’s adoptive son, I remember, who despises the spacer because he had caused the death of his biological parents. The Twi’lek doesn’t know this, however, and the Quermian is just about to reveal everything…
I turn off the soap. “As though my real life doesn’t have enough drama,” I mutter.
-
Despite his earlier admonitions, it takes a little persuasion to get Krayn to let me go. Within a half hour, though, I arrive at the Nag’s Head.
Saying that Krayn runs Nar Shaddaa is not an understatement. As one of his top employees, I have a certain amount of clout, which is why the hostess immediately shows me to a table, despite the line of beings waiting to be seated. They grumble, and I stay in-character by shooting a glare at them.
I’m sipping a drink when Xanatos enters and sits down at my table.
“Krayn let you leave, then?”
I nod. “Yeah. It wasn’t easy to convince him, though. Production on level twelve increases when there’s a supervisor. I keep telling him to put more workers on, but he won’t.”
“Of course not.” Xanatos replies. “It sends the wrong message to the slaves if you pick up their slack.”
“I never thought of it that way.” I say.
“A firm hand is needed with them. I don’t deal with the slaves directly, but there was a time when I did.”
I smile wryly. “Of course you don’t. You’re the rich, powerful CEO, correct?”
He smiles. “Precisely.”
“So what does the rich, powerful CEO do all day?”
“Well, lately he’s been rather preoccupied with a certain young lady…” he teases.
I snort. “Please. I am hardly a lady.”
“If you were, I doubt I’d be interested.”
I smile. “Now, Xanatos. Surely a figure of intrigue and mystery such as yourself can flirt better than that? You sound like the initiates in the saber class I helped out with a few years ago.”
He feigns a hurt expression. “Are you saying that I flirt like an adolescent?”
“Maybe,” I say, smiling coyly.
He gives me a mischievous look. “I assure you, I am quite accomplished in other areas. Perhaps you would like me to show you?”
I smirk. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
This is what I needed- just to be able to sit and talk with someone who cares about me. It‘s nice to be able to stop thinking about my mission for a while.
With a sinking feeling, I suddenly realize that I haven’t acted the part with Xanatos. I haven’t endangered my mission, but I have been acting far more like my true self than the identity I’ve assumed. Perhaps I’ve been so careless because I don’t have an objective in my dealings with Xanatos- I’m friends with him because I honestly enjoy his company.
But clearly, this is more than just friendship, I realize. My heart sinks even further. This is attachment, or at least that’s what it’s well on its way to becoming. And attachment is forbidden, for good reason.
“Zora?”
I blink. “Sorry. I just… I’m a little tired,” I say.
I know what I have to do. I have to end this relationship, before things get any worse.
-
We stay in the bar for a while. After we finish dinner, we order drinks and talk. My heart isn’t really in it, though- my earlier thoughts have successfully put a damper on my good mood.
When we finally leave, Xanatos walks me to where I’ve parked my speeder.
“The night doesn’t have to end here, you know,” he says. “I was going to find a hotel to spend the night in- you could come with me.”
I shake my head. “I need to get back.”
“You said you didn’t have to go back to work until tomorrow morning,” he points out.
“No,” I admit. “I don’t. I just-“
“You just don’t want to sleep with me,” Xanatos says, not unkindly.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I admit. “It’s more that I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow.
“Because, I… I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” I say. “Not like this.”
I see surprise and even something that might have been hurt flicker across his face; then he’s calm again. “Why not?”
“I just don’t think that it’s a good idea for us to- to date, or whatever this is we’re doing.”
“And why is that?” Xanatos asks evenly.
I shake my head. “It wouldn’t work.”
“What makes you so certain?”
“This won’t last, I know it won’t.” Eventually my mission will end, and I will return to the temple- yet another reason I need to end this now.
He moves closer to me. “Does it have to last? If we are doomed in the end, shouldn’t we attempt to cheat fate as long as possible?”
“There is no fate,” I reply without thinking. “There is only the Force.”
Xanatos smiles. “And this is the will of the Force, ” he says patiently.
“You don’t know that.”
“It was the Force that brought us together,” he reminds me.
I shake my head wordlessly.
“You deny that that’s what happened? We talked about this- the Force was what drew us together that night in the cantina.”
“Yes, but-“ I sigh in frustration. “This is just a bad idea.”
“You don’t want to be involved with me?” Xanatos asks.
“No, I don’t,” I say, not meeting his eyes.
“You’re lying.”
“You know what? I don’t need to explain myself to you,” I say angrily. “I don’t want to be with you!”
Xanatos gives me a searching look. “No,” he murmurs. “That’s not it, is it? You’re afraid to be involved with me.”
My heart starts pounding. He’s right. I hadn’t even realized it until this moment, but he’s right. I am afraid.
I refuse to show it, though, so I scoff. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Why, Zora?” he asks gently. “Why are you afraid?”
Because I’m lying to you about who I am, and you’re going to hate me for it. Because the last time that I fell in love-
Woah. I quickly slam the brakes on that thought. I don’t think about that, I remind myself.
Xanatos is still waiting for an answer. I decide the best course of action is to deflect. “Why do you care so much?”
Emotion flickers in his eyes for a moment before his usual calm mask returns. “I just do,” he replies.
I snort. “Well, that’s your problem,” I tell him.
Then I turn and walk away.
“Zora, wait. Zora!”
I don’t listen to him. I go to my speeder, starting the engine and quickly speeding out onto the road. I drive swiftly away.
Eventually I reach Krayn’s compound. I park near the residential buildings, but I stay inside the speeder.
I’m filled with a swirl of emotions, the strongest of which is regret about what I’ve just done. I tell myself that it was the right thing to do, but the thought provides little comfort.
I wonder if I’m also feeling regret for the past. This relationship with Xanatos seems to have dredged up old memories, which I cannot allow myself to dwell on. I made a promise, after all- a promise to forget.
It never happened, I told myself sternly. I’ve never been in love before, because that never happened.
I heave a sigh. This night has really taken it out of me. Wearily, I exit my speeder, heading to my quarters, and to bed.
I dream first of the days I’ve pledged to forget, then of Xanatos and what might have been.
-
*Waves hand* Comment, you will…