Look @ time GO!
Wow.. its been a long ass time since I updated. I decided that as much fun as it would be to write about EVERY SINGLE CALL i go on in the cracked out city of flint, I could just stick to recaps.. and try and make the rest as interesting. Hmm lets see... well lets just say my first 2 months as a paramedic was a total trial by fire, and i think I came out pretty well done. Ive learned alot.. killed a few people on the way, but I think I helped more than i killed. Saw some not so fun stuff.. a family snuffed out in a matter of minutes by 3 tons of cement, an old lady who is dying on her birthday, and old people who've falled and they can't get up. Typical ems stuff. Whats that you ask? the worst I've seen so far? heh.. still the good ol' lima beans on a pizza..(if you dont get it.. then tough :-) )
Lots of stuff has been goin on. I've been workin on changin my life for the better. Ive been thinking about moving out of state alot lately. I use the excuse that Im sick of michigan, and its crazy mmixed up weather, but sometimes i think I get scared of whats gonna happen here, and try to run from what i've done right... i know i know.. makes no sense.. neither does 90% of what I say. Heh its ok.. wait till i end every sentance with ann. ;-) (RA) I have applied for some out of state jobs, but certain friends tell me Im not allowed to leave. I gotta say, it feels good to hear someone say that. More than they would know. It is very tempting to take off.. but i think the fear of leaving everyone and everything I have known, will keep me here a few years longer.
What else to talk about. Oh yes, my new business venture. Well, not really mine, but someone elses... im just tryin to make it better. Im helpin some friends get an ambulance service up and rolling. The two friends that are startin it up are awsome awsome people, of a rare breed. So yes, we are startin up an EMS company, and assuming all goes well, im gonna have a career, or at least a very long term job. Problem is, its a long long drive from home.. so.. im gonna have to pack up and move here in january... and... yup.. thats right you guessed it.. back to lansing. Funny how things in life come full circle, no matter what it is. But hopefully this time I wont be moving alone. Mark, and Kristen and I have briefly discussed moving in together someplace in the lansing area. Kristen will be in MSU, so it would work out for her well, my work will be in shiawasse county, so it will work out well for me, and mark can open another branch of his DJ company in lansing and make some good money, not to mention he can still be with his group of friends. This is nothing more than just a thought right now. Im hoping we can turn this into a solid idea by the time january comes around. Id love to live with them. (i hope ) They both mean alot to me.
Then we come to a more ... distracting?... frustrating?... complicated matter. Heh. I am almost sure I shouldnt bother writing about this in here, but then again, i dont think that my LJ is popular enough to where lots of people would be reading this. Well this is the deal. I, have kinda sorta without realizing it, started to really care alot about one of my very good friends. Care about them in a way that goes beyond just simple friendship. I am totally falling for them. And it feels good, but it also sucks. I dont want to be, cuz i have been hurt anytime I start to show or express emotions. So, im scared about all of this, but tryin to be optimistic at the same time. My friend that im falling for is one of the few people I have ever met that i feel totally comfortable with. (herein, this friend will be refered to as "the friend")
You know, I went to dinner tonight with my buddy ethan. Ethan is a good good guy, I care lots bout him. We understand each other in such a strange way I sometimes wonder if we are maybe linked in ways most people dont understand. (more bout that in a later entry) But to make a long story short, he can even tell something is up. He commented today that im not a person to show emotions, of any kind. And typicaly im not. But, Ethan can tell something is up with me, that im feeling somethin here for someone, and for once Im not keepin it inside, and not afraid to show it.
Im going to remain optimistic that "the friend" and I are going to end up taking this in the right direction. Some people who are somewhat familiar on the situation have even commented, that you have to have a good solid friendship before you can try and build a good solid relationship. I think this is really the first time I've founf myself in this kinda situation. Most guys I end up dating I meet them, and then without any real time to get to know the, i end up dating them. Then, i get to know them after we are together, and then things fall apart. Cuz I dont know anythin about who they are. I havent had a chance to decide if this is someone thats worth my time, and thats where things fail. So, maybe if things go in the direction of a relationship, we can bear in mind that a friendship will build a stronger relationship. But then again, big big if.
Anyways, enough bout all this relationship crap. I tend to overanalyze sometimes. Ok.. so alot more than just sometimes. Its my nature.
But anyways, I do have to say, its nice to cuddle up on the sofa and just relax, or snuggle up to someone in bed, and just feel them there while ya sleep. It really is soothing. Im sick of messing around with strangers. I have been for a long time. Im sick of not having someone to be with. Ive wanted to settle down with someone in a serious relationship for a while, build something long term and make it last. Well, "the friend" expressed the same sentiment this evening. I just wanted to grab them and give them a big ol hug. Ya know its crazy, how sometimes in life two people can want the same exact thing, but it still doesnt happen? Well, im here, and willin to give it a shot if they are. But that the thing, I dont know where they stand on all of this. Im scared to truely drag this out in a heart to heart, for fear of gettin mine broke.
*Sigh* enough bout all of this stuff. I prolly have said more than I should have, but im notorious for doin that. Things for the most part are startin to look up in my life. SO as long as i keep my chin high, im sure i will be fine!
Thats all for now kids, i swear IM gonna try and update more .. i swear ;-)
Lots of stuff has been goin on. I've been workin on changin my life for the better. Ive been thinking about moving out of state alot lately. I use the excuse that Im sick of michigan, and its crazy mmixed up weather, but sometimes i think I get scared of whats gonna happen here, and try to run from what i've done right... i know i know.. makes no sense.. neither does 90% of what I say. Heh its ok.. wait till i end every sentance with ann. ;-) (RA) I have applied for some out of state jobs, but certain friends tell me Im not allowed to leave. I gotta say, it feels good to hear someone say that. More than they would know. It is very tempting to take off.. but i think the fear of leaving everyone and everything I have known, will keep me here a few years longer.
What else to talk about. Oh yes, my new business venture. Well, not really mine, but someone elses... im just tryin to make it better. Im helpin some friends get an ambulance service up and rolling. The two friends that are startin it up are awsome awsome people, of a rare breed. So yes, we are startin up an EMS company, and assuming all goes well, im gonna have a career, or at least a very long term job. Problem is, its a long long drive from home.. so.. im gonna have to pack up and move here in january... and... yup.. thats right you guessed it.. back to lansing. Funny how things in life come full circle, no matter what it is. But hopefully this time I wont be moving alone. Mark, and Kristen and I have briefly discussed moving in together someplace in the lansing area. Kristen will be in MSU, so it would work out for her well, my work will be in shiawasse county, so it will work out well for me, and mark can open another branch of his DJ company in lansing and make some good money, not to mention he can still be with his group of friends. This is nothing more than just a thought right now. Im hoping we can turn this into a solid idea by the time january comes around. Id love to live with them. (i hope ) They both mean alot to me.
Then we come to a more ... distracting?... frustrating?... complicated matter. Heh. I am almost sure I shouldnt bother writing about this in here, but then again, i dont think that my LJ is popular enough to where lots of people would be reading this. Well this is the deal. I, have kinda sorta without realizing it, started to really care alot about one of my very good friends. Care about them in a way that goes beyond just simple friendship. I am totally falling for them. And it feels good, but it also sucks. I dont want to be, cuz i have been hurt anytime I start to show or express emotions. So, im scared about all of this, but tryin to be optimistic at the same time. My friend that im falling for is one of the few people I have ever met that i feel totally comfortable with. (herein, this friend will be refered to as "the friend")
You know, I went to dinner tonight with my buddy ethan. Ethan is a good good guy, I care lots bout him. We understand each other in such a strange way I sometimes wonder if we are maybe linked in ways most people dont understand. (more bout that in a later entry) But to make a long story short, he can even tell something is up. He commented today that im not a person to show emotions, of any kind. And typicaly im not. But, Ethan can tell something is up with me, that im feeling somethin here for someone, and for once Im not keepin it inside, and not afraid to show it.
Im going to remain optimistic that "the friend" and I are going to end up taking this in the right direction. Some people who are somewhat familiar on the situation have even commented, that you have to have a good solid friendship before you can try and build a good solid relationship. I think this is really the first time I've founf myself in this kinda situation. Most guys I end up dating I meet them, and then without any real time to get to know the, i end up dating them. Then, i get to know them after we are together, and then things fall apart. Cuz I dont know anythin about who they are. I havent had a chance to decide if this is someone thats worth my time, and thats where things fail. So, maybe if things go in the direction of a relationship, we can bear in mind that a friendship will build a stronger relationship. But then again, big big if.
Anyways, enough bout all this relationship crap. I tend to overanalyze sometimes. Ok.. so alot more than just sometimes. Its my nature.
But anyways, I do have to say, its nice to cuddle up on the sofa and just relax, or snuggle up to someone in bed, and just feel them there while ya sleep. It really is soothing. Im sick of messing around with strangers. I have been for a long time. Im sick of not having someone to be with. Ive wanted to settle down with someone in a serious relationship for a while, build something long term and make it last. Well, "the friend" expressed the same sentiment this evening. I just wanted to grab them and give them a big ol hug. Ya know its crazy, how sometimes in life two people can want the same exact thing, but it still doesnt happen? Well, im here, and willin to give it a shot if they are. But that the thing, I dont know where they stand on all of this. Im scared to truely drag this out in a heart to heart, for fear of gettin mine broke.
*Sigh* enough bout all of this stuff. I prolly have said more than I should have, but im notorious for doin that. Things for the most part are startin to look up in my life. SO as long as i keep my chin high, im sure i will be fine!
Thats all for now kids, i swear IM gonna try and update more .. i swear ;-)