Once Upon a Time Fic: Far Beneath the Bitter Snow -- Ch. 4
Far Beneath the Bitter Snow
Summary: What if Belle had refused to leave Rumpel’s castle, knowing she’d be rejected at home?
A/N: Sorry I didn't get this posted last night. I started with FFN, but it was taking too long to upload (and never actually went through; I had to repost it this morning), so I didn't actually get around to coming here.
Anywho, this is, so far, mine and my beta's favorite chapter, so...enjoy! :D
Disclaimer: The two conversations in this chapter borrowed from "Skin Deep" are not mine. I just like how they fit into this story. :)
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Link to previous chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and Chapter 3
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Chapter 4:
Throughout the rest of the summer and fall, Rumpelstiltskin found himself wandering more and more out into the garden while Belle was there, sometimes watching her tend to it, other times being an extra hand when she needed it. Most afternoons were spent in the quiet, just enjoying the stillness of the air and the warmth of the sunshine. But sometimes, they’d have deep discussions of life and its hardships, of family and friends, and of hope for the future. Belle didn’t learn as much about Rumpelstiltskin as he did about her; he kept most of his life guarded and secret, only revealing little tidbits of information about himself when he felt comfortable doing so. Belle didn’t seem to mind this fact; she appeared to take what she could get from him and didn’t push for anything more.
By the time winter arrived and snow lingered in thick drifts on the ground, going outside was less of an enjoyable activity. But every day that was pleasant enough, Belle would still venture out for a short time, just for some fresh air, and occasionally, he’d accompany her. One day, they were in the flower section of the garden, with Belle tending and checking on the rose bushes and other plants that were cut back for the season, when she saw a little bird land on the frozen-over birdbath. “Oh, hello, friend,” she cooed, reaching under her cape to put her hand in her pocket. She’d noticed a few weeks before that the birds were searching for food, and she’d taken to bringing a handful of seeds with her whenever she returned to the garden for just such occasions. This particular bird seemed to be the same one she’d seen since that first day, and he always returned, looking for his handout.
Belle had been working on this bird’s approach, getting him closer and closer each day. She’d finally managed to earn his trust a few days before, letting him eat out of her hand, and she did that again now.
Behind her on his seat on the bench, Rumpelstiltskin chuckled quietly at the scene. She glanced over her shoulder at him, and the little bird flitted from her hand to the frozen water on the bath and back again, nervously twittering at every slight movement or sound. The imp had not been home for a few days, so he hadn’t seen this advancement. “You got him to trust you,” he said, hearing a deeper meaning in his own words, recalling just how easily he’d learned to trust her since the first day she came home with him.
“It didn’t take much,” Belle proclaimed with a shrug. “Just hold still, be patient, and they learn that we’re not out to hurt them.”
He wondered if that was her plan with him as well. Was she really all that innocent? “Is that what you’re setting out to accomplish here with me, Belle?” he spontaneously decided to ask.
Given that she was just talking about the birds, Belle looked up at him, confused. But when she saw the expression on his face and the suspicious look in his eyes, she knew what he’d meant. “No,” she vowed with a shake of her head as she continued to watch her feathered friends. “I mean, yes, I wish you would trust me. But…I am merely trying to keep my promise to you.”
“Which promise?” he asked pointedly.
She moved a bit from her spot by the birdbath, just to move and keep her limbs warm in the cold air. “To work as your servant. To uphold the deal you made with my father.”
“But, what of your own dreams? Your own future?”
Turning back to pace the same ground she’d covered in front of his seat on the lone bench in the garden, she answered with a half-shrug, “I haven’t completely given up hope on some of my dreams. I’d like to have what my sisters have -- love, and a real home, and a family--”
“But,” he interrupted, “you gave all that up to come here.”
She stopped walking and looked up at him with a softened expression, quietly replying, “Who said I did?”
His heart had jumped alive again in that moment, and it produced many days of thought. If she was only a pawn sent to rid him of his powers, she certainly had more patience than he would’ve guessed. Would she really hold out for a lifetime to complete her quest? How could someone give up their own dreams to achieve such a goal for someone else, without any gain of her own? It made him wonder what the queen had promised her in return. No one was so unselfish to give up their lives without some sort of reward in the end. Funny thing was, he couldn’t imagine Belle being that kind of devious person. Not like the queen. He had to figure out Belle’s true motives before it was too late and he was willing to give up everything for her.
He’d taken to drinking more of his favorite liquor that night. When he wasn’t working on a deal, he drank. Sometimes, he’d even start before he came home, emptying his little hip flask before his return trip. Then he’d hit the bottle as soon as he arrived home. Each time, he drank enough to intoxicate regular men, but with his power, it simply lessened his inhibitions.
One night, Belle chose the wrong time to come through the dining hall to prepare the fire to last through to morning, while he was slinking down in his chair, inebriated, just waiting for the evening to be over. By this time, she was used to him watching in silence, and she simply went about her tasks without giving him much notice. But he couldn’t let her leave without finding out, without knowing the truth of her loyalties.
“When did you first meet the queen?” he boldly asked, stopping her from leaving the room.
She walked slowly back from the doors to stand by him, narrowing her eyes curiously. “When you sent me for straw. Her carriage was passing, and she stopped.”
He studied her face for deception. “You’d never seen her before?”
“No,” she stated evenly and honestly. When his staring became almost unbearable, Belle dropped her gaze and angrily sighed. “And if I’d known who she was and what she was after, I would’ve run from her. She tricked me. She made me lose you.”
Rumpelstiltskin sat up straight and leaned closer. “That,” he pointed to her face with one finger, “has to be the lie.”
“But it isn’t,” she implored. “You must believe me. I thought there was no hope to save you from this curse, and she gave it to me. I just didn’t know that hidden behind her help was a selfish motive. I thought you hated your curse and would want to be free from it. I only wanted to help you.”
He stood and peered narrowly through the windows of her soul. “Why?”
His question could’ve been easily answered, but she couldn’t bear to say the words. Instead, she dropped her gaze to her hands and pleaded for him to understand by saying, “I think you know, but you don’t want to believe it’s possible. If you just let go of your past hurts and let me in, you’ll see that it’s real. If you could just let go of your power--”
“That will never happen,” he declared with a sober expression, ignoring the fact that his surety was weakening with each passing day.
Belle accepted this information with grace. “Then all you’ll be left with is an empty heart.” She glanced down at the table that held what was left of his favorite tea set on its silver tray, cleaned and ready for the morrow, when she would fill the teapot with fresh leaves and hot water. Then she met his eyes again, adding metaphorically, “And a chipped cup.”
She left the room then, leaving him with that food for thought. Perhaps she’d been too harsh with him, but he needed to hear the truth. She would stick to her end of the bargain and would stay with him forever, but they would be missing out on the closeness they could have. And that would make for a long and lonely life, for both of them.
Rumpelstiltskin didn’t join her in the garden for nearly a week starting the next day, and he did his best to avoid her altogether. He even left for a couple of days to attend to some poor soul in need of his power, but felt drawn back to the Dark Castle sooner than he would’ve thought.
Belle was right in a sense -- his heart was empty. But he wasn’t completely unfeeling. Her words had brought out emotions in himself he hadn’t felt for so long, they were nearly erased from his memory. Words he’d heard people call him, like “coward” and “weak” trickled back into his mind as though they’d always been there, waiting for his guard to come down. The hateful expression of the woman he’d called his wife for a brief time seem to sneer at him across time, as though he’d just seen her a day before, instead of the decades it had been. All those reasons he’d cherished his power were haunting him now, instead of staying buried in his human past.
No one had ever cared about him in his life. Even his own mother used the back-side of her hand on him more than anything else. She didn’t comfort him when he was hurt, nor encourage him in any way. He was the eldest of five children, but to her, he was the lowliest, often used as an example of the beatings the others would get if they messed up like him. By the time he was fourteen, he was glad to leave to fight in the wars. But he hadn’t been prepared for the blood and death and disease. He nearly lost his own leg when a deep gash from one battle became infected. The leg was supposed to be amputated, but Rumpelstiltskin had fled, making it home on his own willpower. His mother had kicked him out the moment she saw that infection, afraid he would infect the others.
Somehow he managed to live through the ordeal, using a stick to walk when it was clear he’d never be fully healed. He knew he was expected to go back to the fighting, but he hid instead. And when he met Charlotte, and she seemed interested in him, he’d thought his life was finally turning around. A few months later, she confided in him that she was pregnant, and they were very quickly wed. Baelfire was born, but Rumpelstiltskin was discovered and taken back to fight. After only six months more of it, with his leg causing him more trouble than the fighting was worth, desertion became his only option.
Charlotte was not happy to see him return, but she was also sick of motherhood. In just a few days’ time, she left him with the baby, practically throwing the child at him, calling him weak in the same breath as she complained of all her struggles that she couldn’t handle. But he didn’t care when he saw that helpless child’s face, recalling his own painful childhood. He determined then and there that Baelfire’s life would be easier than his had been. And until that fateful day he’d taken on his power, Bae had loved and respected his father. That first time his son had stepped away from him instead of accepting his new authority had been painful, but he’d found his confidence in that curse and wasn’t willing to let it go. If Bae couldn’t accept him with it, then he’d live without him. He just hadn’t known at the time how important being loved really was until Belle reminded him. Now the struggle to learn to live without it would begin anew, if he wanted everything to remain the same.
But, did he? The thought of having someone like Belle loving him had frightened him. From the first moment she’d smiled at him, until her kiss, every step of their romance had been a dream. Everything was beautiful when she loved him. The way she moved, each time she drew closer or touched him, it had all been a new experience, and he’d never been blessed with it before. It scared him, and yet, knowing it was available right there in his own home if he wanted it, he felt drawn back sooner. Even he wasn’t yet ready to accept it or completely trust her, he couldn’t help himself from wanting to be there with her.
But his homecoming wasn’t as welcome as he thought it would be. Belle barely spoke two words to him, and he supposed she was still upset about their last conversation, when he made it clear that he wasn’t going to be giving up his power anytime soon. And that was fine with him, he decided, since he still wasn’t sure about her loyalties.
He got his answer the day the queen came to visit his castle, unannounced and unwelcome, when everything changed when he was least expecting it.
He was spinning at the wheel when the queen breezed through the doors, using her own powers of manipulation instead of his to control them. “Flimsy locks,” she claimed with all the air of her previous station, chuckling. She didn’t bother with the formalities of a greeting, or show any kind of remorse for her bursting into his home; instead, she got right down to business. “I have a deal to discuss. A certain…mermaid.”
Rumpelstiltskin was seething with anger already at just the sight of her, but coming in and pretending that things were the way they once were burned him up. He stood up and faced her as she eyed his tea tray on the table, somehow controlling his own rage. “I’m not dealing today,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Are you angry with me? What is it this time?” She poured herself a cup of the tea.
“Your little deception failed,” he grinned, thankful that she could not control him. “You’ll never be more powerful than me. You can keep trying, dearie. You’re never going to be beat me.”
“Oh,” she quipped, unaffected by his confidence. She then faced him and bent at the waist to mock, “Is this about that girl I met on the road? Hmm?” She then smirked.
“Get out.”
Impassive to his demand, she put a cube of sugar into her cup and stirred it. “Ooo, touchy,” she commented, lifting the cup to her lips. “Whatever happened to her?” she asked, though he was sure she probably knew. “Did she…” she nearly failed at holding back her chuckle, “kiss you?” The anger on his face answered her question. “Oh, she tried, didn’t she? Convinced you that it was true love? How did you figure out that she was just after taking away your power?”
“That wasn’t her goal; it was yours, wasn’t it?” He wasn’t actually asking; somehow he’d convinced himself in that moment that he knew this to be true.
“Oh, Rumpel,” she chided, as if talking to a young child. “Must we always have this rivalry between us? Why can’t we just get along?” She set down her cup on the table and approached him by a few steps. “Just imagine the power and control we could have if we worked together.” An evil smile played at her lips. “We could rule the world.”
“Leave. Now,” he spoke so forcefully that he was surprised that he didn’t move from his spot. With the rage he was feeling, he could so easily spring forward and wring her long, thin neck between his fingers without a second thought. He knew that would be fruitless, though, since she’d see him coming and would retaliate. And then the real battle would begin.
“Fine,” she said lightly, not a hint of fear in her voice. She turned and started for the door. “I have other calls to make.”
The doors opened with her exit, and Rumpelstiltskin saw Belle just coming into the room, carrying his dinner tray. But when she saw the queen, Belle’s face went ashen, and she dropped the tray, the dishes crashing loudly to the floor. She held her ground, pretending to be unafraid, but he could tell that she was burning with a similar kind of fury he felt. “What are you doing here?” Belle asked, visibly fuming with anger.
Regina ignored her question and spoke over her shoulder at the imp. “I’m impressed, Rumpel. You’re keeping the temptation so close. I thought you would’ve had her thrown to the wolves by now.”
“She’s not a temptation; I told you that your little plan failed. I made a deal with her father for her, and I’m keeping that deal. That’s all there is to it.”
“Still,” she waved her hand. “I’m surprised.” She walked out of the door and paused at Belle’s side, tapping her under her jaw. “Chin up, dear. You still have a chance to win him over with True Love’s Kiss.” She tossed a challenging glance at Rumpelstiltskin. “And then you can have the man you love.”
Belle stood stiff, her fists clenched at her sides. “I can guarantee you I will never do anything that will bring you joy. You’ve tricked me for the last time.”
“Hm, you’re stronger than I would’ve thought. But no matter,” she cast a parting glance at her enemy, “I’ll hold out hope that I’ll get what I want in the end.”
Since Belle was standing in the doorway, the doors remained open as the queen walked out and toward the castle’s exit. Rumpelstiltskin moved to stand beside Belle to ask her why she was really angry, once Regina was gone, and the two watched until she was out of sight. Then, surprisingly, before he could speak, the girl’s knees buckled underneath her, and she collapsed. He caught her and held her against him, merely out of instinct.
“You’re trembling,” he noted, as her whole body seemed to shiver uncontrollably against him.
“I don’t like her,” Belle replied against the coolness of his leather vest. “Why was she here?”
“Trying to make a deal. She does that occasionally.”
“Did it have anything to do with me?”
“No, dear,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her hair, but not allowing himself to be vulnerable enough to actually kiss her.
“Good,” Belle sniffed. Within a few seconds, she regained her strength enough to stand up again. Taking a step away, wiping away an errant tear, she knelt to start cleaning up the mess she’d made. His dinner plate had broken in pieces and the food and drink was spilled over the tray. Picking it all up, she stood and gestured toward the kitchen with her head. “I’ll be back in a few minutes with your dinner.”
He was still in a state of shock at how quickly she’d recovered. “Yes,” was all he could seem to say. He watched her walk away nearly emotionless, yet…he’d seen that tear.
Going back into the dining hall (with the doors closing silently behind him), he sat back down on his stool as if by rote, picking up the straw and slowly turning the wheel, all the while thinking about Belle’s conversation with the queen.
Since her kiss and ultimate betrayal, he’d believed it possible that Belle was acting as one of Regina’s tools to rid him of his powers. That she was in league with the queen. That she was happy about it. That she wanted to take away his power so that the queen would have free reign.
But she was as furious as you were at just the sight of the witch, his mind batted back.
Judging by her anger, it seemed likely that Belle wasn’t all that happy about Regina’s goal to overthrow him. She’d trembled and faltered once Regina was gone. She’d allowed him to hold her in his arms. She’d felt so warm and soft…
He closed his eyes, reveling in the memory of that brief moment.
“This means it’s true love!” her voice echoed in his ear.
No, he thought purposefully as he opened his eyes again, it hadn’t been real.
A voice inside seemed to argue, She hasn’t tried to kiss you since then.
That did seem odd, if she had the endgame to reduce him to a mere mortal. It would seem more likely that she’d try again and again to succeed. But she’d faithfully kept her distance. Even now, while in the intimate position of being in each other’s arms, she’d been the first to pull away from him and get back to her work.
Maybe she’s just extremely patient, he reasoned with himself.
It was possible that someone could wait months or years to enact their evil plan, all the while building up to their intended goal, taking out their enemy when their guard was down. Sirens lived by this very principle, and thousands of men had lost their lives to them. Regina was certainly capable of such vile hate to be patient. But Belle seemed so innocent… What could be her motive? He had this and a couple more questions that needed answering before he could truly believe that she was as innocent as she appeared to be.
She came in with a clean tray and a fresh plate and mead, and set the meal at his place at the table and stood back to wait for him to take his seat. But he wasn’t interested in eating at the moment. “Belle,” he spoke softly, standing in front of her. “You seemed…surprised to see the queen.”
Belle bowed her head to declare, “I wasn’t expecting her. How often does she come to you to make deals?”
He shrugged. “Every year or so.”
She looked up at him. “Then, we shouldn’t see her again for another year?”
He thought back to the encounter. “If at all,” Rumpelstiltskin mumbled. “She is not welcome here. I’ll take measures to make sure she does not return.”
Belle seemed to relax a bit after a shaky sigh. “Good.”
“Uh,” he turned to pace away a few steps, “I have to ask again…when you left that day for town--”
“When I met her on the road?”
“Yes,” he nodded once. He paused a few feet away and turned to face her, mustering up the courage to know, “Why did you come back?”
Belle was quiet for a moment as she thought about her answer. “I wasn’t going to,” she repeated her reply from that day that seemed so long ago. “I was going to go home.”
“Until you met the queen,” he assumed and she nodded.
“She was so nice to me, but I sensed something was…not right with her. I wanted us to part ways, but…then she started talking to me about curses and how a kiss born out of true love would cure it. I’d never heard that before.”
“And you thought I didn’t like my… ‘curse.’”
She smiled sadly. “You seemed miserable and lonely to me. I thought you would welcome the chance to be a man again.”
“Hm,” he muttered, studying her for deception and finding none. “So, you came back to try… Did you think it would work?”
“I hoped it would. I knew that I--” she stopped abruptly before saying the word, deciding to drop her gaze and use a different one instead, “cared for you.”
Moving closer, he peered at her long and hard before leaning in so close that he could tell she smelled of fire smoke and flowers. Belle froze, watching him with wide eyes, but he had to test her, to know. “Do you want to kiss me again?” he asked so softly that it was almost reverent.
“Yes,” she breathed, her heart beating hard and fast with her gaze locked with his. The moment was so intense, she thought for sure he’d lean in and kiss her, just the way she hoped. But she came to her senses and closed her eyes to keep her wits. “But I don’t want to be responsible for taking away your power if that’s not something you want.” To prove her point, she stepped back from him to a more comfortable distance, but remained in the room in case he had any more to say.
He didn’t, though his gaze did linger on her as he walked over to the table and sat down. Belle followed and mutely lifted the lid off his plate, waited for his approval of the meal, and took a step away to leave when she felt him grab her hand. Her heart still pounding from his nearness earlier, she fussed, “Rumpelstiltskin, please.”
His eyebrows furrowed, awaiting an explanation for her sudden outburst.
Belle couldn’t meet his eyes, closing hers again instead. “Please stop touching me. It’s difficult enough keeping my distance from you every day without you holding my hand.”
Something in her voice made him believe that she really did want him to touch her, and that’s where the struggle lay. Still, he respected her request and let her go. “As you wish. I merely wanted to ask if you’d like to go home. I could make another deal with your father to return you--”
“Oh, no, please don’t,” she pleaded. “I don’t want Papa to suffer any more. I’ll be fine here. I’m sure it will get easier…”
He nodded to dismiss her, and Belle bowed her head like a doting servant before she left the room. He no longer believed she was working for the queen. But where did that leave them now?
As servant and master, he supposed, although…that idea didn’t sit well with him anymore at all.
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Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Summary: What if Belle had refused to leave Rumpel’s castle, knowing she’d be rejected at home?
A/N: Sorry I didn't get this posted last night. I started with FFN, but it was taking too long to upload (and never actually went through; I had to repost it this morning), so I didn't actually get around to coming here.
Anywho, this is, so far, mine and my beta's favorite chapter, so...enjoy! :D
Disclaimer: The two conversations in this chapter borrowed from "Skin Deep" are not mine. I just like how they fit into this story. :)
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Link to previous chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and Chapter 3
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Chapter 4:
Throughout the rest of the summer and fall, Rumpelstiltskin found himself wandering more and more out into the garden while Belle was there, sometimes watching her tend to it, other times being an extra hand when she needed it. Most afternoons were spent in the quiet, just enjoying the stillness of the air and the warmth of the sunshine. But sometimes, they’d have deep discussions of life and its hardships, of family and friends, and of hope for the future. Belle didn’t learn as much about Rumpelstiltskin as he did about her; he kept most of his life guarded and secret, only revealing little tidbits of information about himself when he felt comfortable doing so. Belle didn’t seem to mind this fact; she appeared to take what she could get from him and didn’t push for anything more.
By the time winter arrived and snow lingered in thick drifts on the ground, going outside was less of an enjoyable activity. But every day that was pleasant enough, Belle would still venture out for a short time, just for some fresh air, and occasionally, he’d accompany her. One day, they were in the flower section of the garden, with Belle tending and checking on the rose bushes and other plants that were cut back for the season, when she saw a little bird land on the frozen-over birdbath. “Oh, hello, friend,” she cooed, reaching under her cape to put her hand in her pocket. She’d noticed a few weeks before that the birds were searching for food, and she’d taken to bringing a handful of seeds with her whenever she returned to the garden for just such occasions. This particular bird seemed to be the same one she’d seen since that first day, and he always returned, looking for his handout.
Belle had been working on this bird’s approach, getting him closer and closer each day. She’d finally managed to earn his trust a few days before, letting him eat out of her hand, and she did that again now.
Behind her on his seat on the bench, Rumpelstiltskin chuckled quietly at the scene. She glanced over her shoulder at him, and the little bird flitted from her hand to the frozen water on the bath and back again, nervously twittering at every slight movement or sound. The imp had not been home for a few days, so he hadn’t seen this advancement. “You got him to trust you,” he said, hearing a deeper meaning in his own words, recalling just how easily he’d learned to trust her since the first day she came home with him.
“It didn’t take much,” Belle proclaimed with a shrug. “Just hold still, be patient, and they learn that we’re not out to hurt them.”
He wondered if that was her plan with him as well. Was she really all that innocent? “Is that what you’re setting out to accomplish here with me, Belle?” he spontaneously decided to ask.
Given that she was just talking about the birds, Belle looked up at him, confused. But when she saw the expression on his face and the suspicious look in his eyes, she knew what he’d meant. “No,” she vowed with a shake of her head as she continued to watch her feathered friends. “I mean, yes, I wish you would trust me. But…I am merely trying to keep my promise to you.”
“Which promise?” he asked pointedly.
She moved a bit from her spot by the birdbath, just to move and keep her limbs warm in the cold air. “To work as your servant. To uphold the deal you made with my father.”
“But, what of your own dreams? Your own future?”
Turning back to pace the same ground she’d covered in front of his seat on the lone bench in the garden, she answered with a half-shrug, “I haven’t completely given up hope on some of my dreams. I’d like to have what my sisters have -- love, and a real home, and a family--”
“But,” he interrupted, “you gave all that up to come here.”
She stopped walking and looked up at him with a softened expression, quietly replying, “Who said I did?”
His heart had jumped alive again in that moment, and it produced many days of thought. If she was only a pawn sent to rid him of his powers, she certainly had more patience than he would’ve guessed. Would she really hold out for a lifetime to complete her quest? How could someone give up their own dreams to achieve such a goal for someone else, without any gain of her own? It made him wonder what the queen had promised her in return. No one was so unselfish to give up their lives without some sort of reward in the end. Funny thing was, he couldn’t imagine Belle being that kind of devious person. Not like the queen. He had to figure out Belle’s true motives before it was too late and he was willing to give up everything for her.
He’d taken to drinking more of his favorite liquor that night. When he wasn’t working on a deal, he drank. Sometimes, he’d even start before he came home, emptying his little hip flask before his return trip. Then he’d hit the bottle as soon as he arrived home. Each time, he drank enough to intoxicate regular men, but with his power, it simply lessened his inhibitions.
One night, Belle chose the wrong time to come through the dining hall to prepare the fire to last through to morning, while he was slinking down in his chair, inebriated, just waiting for the evening to be over. By this time, she was used to him watching in silence, and she simply went about her tasks without giving him much notice. But he couldn’t let her leave without finding out, without knowing the truth of her loyalties.
“When did you first meet the queen?” he boldly asked, stopping her from leaving the room.
She walked slowly back from the doors to stand by him, narrowing her eyes curiously. “When you sent me for straw. Her carriage was passing, and she stopped.”
He studied her face for deception. “You’d never seen her before?”
“No,” she stated evenly and honestly. When his staring became almost unbearable, Belle dropped her gaze and angrily sighed. “And if I’d known who she was and what she was after, I would’ve run from her. She tricked me. She made me lose you.”
Rumpelstiltskin sat up straight and leaned closer. “That,” he pointed to her face with one finger, “has to be the lie.”
“But it isn’t,” she implored. “You must believe me. I thought there was no hope to save you from this curse, and she gave it to me. I just didn’t know that hidden behind her help was a selfish motive. I thought you hated your curse and would want to be free from it. I only wanted to help you.”
He stood and peered narrowly through the windows of her soul. “Why?”
His question could’ve been easily answered, but she couldn’t bear to say the words. Instead, she dropped her gaze to her hands and pleaded for him to understand by saying, “I think you know, but you don’t want to believe it’s possible. If you just let go of your past hurts and let me in, you’ll see that it’s real. If you could just let go of your power--”
“That will never happen,” he declared with a sober expression, ignoring the fact that his surety was weakening with each passing day.
Belle accepted this information with grace. “Then all you’ll be left with is an empty heart.” She glanced down at the table that held what was left of his favorite tea set on its silver tray, cleaned and ready for the morrow, when she would fill the teapot with fresh leaves and hot water. Then she met his eyes again, adding metaphorically, “And a chipped cup.”
She left the room then, leaving him with that food for thought. Perhaps she’d been too harsh with him, but he needed to hear the truth. She would stick to her end of the bargain and would stay with him forever, but they would be missing out on the closeness they could have. And that would make for a long and lonely life, for both of them.
Rumpelstiltskin didn’t join her in the garden for nearly a week starting the next day, and he did his best to avoid her altogether. He even left for a couple of days to attend to some poor soul in need of his power, but felt drawn back to the Dark Castle sooner than he would’ve thought.
Belle was right in a sense -- his heart was empty. But he wasn’t completely unfeeling. Her words had brought out emotions in himself he hadn’t felt for so long, they were nearly erased from his memory. Words he’d heard people call him, like “coward” and “weak” trickled back into his mind as though they’d always been there, waiting for his guard to come down. The hateful expression of the woman he’d called his wife for a brief time seem to sneer at him across time, as though he’d just seen her a day before, instead of the decades it had been. All those reasons he’d cherished his power were haunting him now, instead of staying buried in his human past.
No one had ever cared about him in his life. Even his own mother used the back-side of her hand on him more than anything else. She didn’t comfort him when he was hurt, nor encourage him in any way. He was the eldest of five children, but to her, he was the lowliest, often used as an example of the beatings the others would get if they messed up like him. By the time he was fourteen, he was glad to leave to fight in the wars. But he hadn’t been prepared for the blood and death and disease. He nearly lost his own leg when a deep gash from one battle became infected. The leg was supposed to be amputated, but Rumpelstiltskin had fled, making it home on his own willpower. His mother had kicked him out the moment she saw that infection, afraid he would infect the others.
Somehow he managed to live through the ordeal, using a stick to walk when it was clear he’d never be fully healed. He knew he was expected to go back to the fighting, but he hid instead. And when he met Charlotte, and she seemed interested in him, he’d thought his life was finally turning around. A few months later, she confided in him that she was pregnant, and they were very quickly wed. Baelfire was born, but Rumpelstiltskin was discovered and taken back to fight. After only six months more of it, with his leg causing him more trouble than the fighting was worth, desertion became his only option.
Charlotte was not happy to see him return, but she was also sick of motherhood. In just a few days’ time, she left him with the baby, practically throwing the child at him, calling him weak in the same breath as she complained of all her struggles that she couldn’t handle. But he didn’t care when he saw that helpless child’s face, recalling his own painful childhood. He determined then and there that Baelfire’s life would be easier than his had been. And until that fateful day he’d taken on his power, Bae had loved and respected his father. That first time his son had stepped away from him instead of accepting his new authority had been painful, but he’d found his confidence in that curse and wasn’t willing to let it go. If Bae couldn’t accept him with it, then he’d live without him. He just hadn’t known at the time how important being loved really was until Belle reminded him. Now the struggle to learn to live without it would begin anew, if he wanted everything to remain the same.
But, did he? The thought of having someone like Belle loving him had frightened him. From the first moment she’d smiled at him, until her kiss, every step of their romance had been a dream. Everything was beautiful when she loved him. The way she moved, each time she drew closer or touched him, it had all been a new experience, and he’d never been blessed with it before. It scared him, and yet, knowing it was available right there in his own home if he wanted it, he felt drawn back sooner. Even he wasn’t yet ready to accept it or completely trust her, he couldn’t help himself from wanting to be there with her.
But his homecoming wasn’t as welcome as he thought it would be. Belle barely spoke two words to him, and he supposed she was still upset about their last conversation, when he made it clear that he wasn’t going to be giving up his power anytime soon. And that was fine with him, he decided, since he still wasn’t sure about her loyalties.
He got his answer the day the queen came to visit his castle, unannounced and unwelcome, when everything changed when he was least expecting it.
He was spinning at the wheel when the queen breezed through the doors, using her own powers of manipulation instead of his to control them. “Flimsy locks,” she claimed with all the air of her previous station, chuckling. She didn’t bother with the formalities of a greeting, or show any kind of remorse for her bursting into his home; instead, she got right down to business. “I have a deal to discuss. A certain…mermaid.”
Rumpelstiltskin was seething with anger already at just the sight of her, but coming in and pretending that things were the way they once were burned him up. He stood up and faced her as she eyed his tea tray on the table, somehow controlling his own rage. “I’m not dealing today,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Are you angry with me? What is it this time?” She poured herself a cup of the tea.
“Your little deception failed,” he grinned, thankful that she could not control him. “You’ll never be more powerful than me. You can keep trying, dearie. You’re never going to be beat me.”
“Oh,” she quipped, unaffected by his confidence. She then faced him and bent at the waist to mock, “Is this about that girl I met on the road? Hmm?” She then smirked.
“Get out.”
Impassive to his demand, she put a cube of sugar into her cup and stirred it. “Ooo, touchy,” she commented, lifting the cup to her lips. “Whatever happened to her?” she asked, though he was sure she probably knew. “Did she…” she nearly failed at holding back her chuckle, “kiss you?” The anger on his face answered her question. “Oh, she tried, didn’t she? Convinced you that it was true love? How did you figure out that she was just after taking away your power?”
“That wasn’t her goal; it was yours, wasn’t it?” He wasn’t actually asking; somehow he’d convinced himself in that moment that he knew this to be true.
“Oh, Rumpel,” she chided, as if talking to a young child. “Must we always have this rivalry between us? Why can’t we just get along?” She set down her cup on the table and approached him by a few steps. “Just imagine the power and control we could have if we worked together.” An evil smile played at her lips. “We could rule the world.”
“Leave. Now,” he spoke so forcefully that he was surprised that he didn’t move from his spot. With the rage he was feeling, he could so easily spring forward and wring her long, thin neck between his fingers without a second thought. He knew that would be fruitless, though, since she’d see him coming and would retaliate. And then the real battle would begin.
“Fine,” she said lightly, not a hint of fear in her voice. She turned and started for the door. “I have other calls to make.”
The doors opened with her exit, and Rumpelstiltskin saw Belle just coming into the room, carrying his dinner tray. But when she saw the queen, Belle’s face went ashen, and she dropped the tray, the dishes crashing loudly to the floor. She held her ground, pretending to be unafraid, but he could tell that she was burning with a similar kind of fury he felt. “What are you doing here?” Belle asked, visibly fuming with anger.
Regina ignored her question and spoke over her shoulder at the imp. “I’m impressed, Rumpel. You’re keeping the temptation so close. I thought you would’ve had her thrown to the wolves by now.”
“She’s not a temptation; I told you that your little plan failed. I made a deal with her father for her, and I’m keeping that deal. That’s all there is to it.”
“Still,” she waved her hand. “I’m surprised.” She walked out of the door and paused at Belle’s side, tapping her under her jaw. “Chin up, dear. You still have a chance to win him over with True Love’s Kiss.” She tossed a challenging glance at Rumpelstiltskin. “And then you can have the man you love.”
Belle stood stiff, her fists clenched at her sides. “I can guarantee you I will never do anything that will bring you joy. You’ve tricked me for the last time.”
“Hm, you’re stronger than I would’ve thought. But no matter,” she cast a parting glance at her enemy, “I’ll hold out hope that I’ll get what I want in the end.”
Since Belle was standing in the doorway, the doors remained open as the queen walked out and toward the castle’s exit. Rumpelstiltskin moved to stand beside Belle to ask her why she was really angry, once Regina was gone, and the two watched until she was out of sight. Then, surprisingly, before he could speak, the girl’s knees buckled underneath her, and she collapsed. He caught her and held her against him, merely out of instinct.
“You’re trembling,” he noted, as her whole body seemed to shiver uncontrollably against him.
“I don’t like her,” Belle replied against the coolness of his leather vest. “Why was she here?”
“Trying to make a deal. She does that occasionally.”
“Did it have anything to do with me?”
“No, dear,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her hair, but not allowing himself to be vulnerable enough to actually kiss her.
“Good,” Belle sniffed. Within a few seconds, she regained her strength enough to stand up again. Taking a step away, wiping away an errant tear, she knelt to start cleaning up the mess she’d made. His dinner plate had broken in pieces and the food and drink was spilled over the tray. Picking it all up, she stood and gestured toward the kitchen with her head. “I’ll be back in a few minutes with your dinner.”
He was still in a state of shock at how quickly she’d recovered. “Yes,” was all he could seem to say. He watched her walk away nearly emotionless, yet…he’d seen that tear.
Going back into the dining hall (with the doors closing silently behind him), he sat back down on his stool as if by rote, picking up the straw and slowly turning the wheel, all the while thinking about Belle’s conversation with the queen.
Since her kiss and ultimate betrayal, he’d believed it possible that Belle was acting as one of Regina’s tools to rid him of his powers. That she was in league with the queen. That she was happy about it. That she wanted to take away his power so that the queen would have free reign.
But she was as furious as you were at just the sight of the witch, his mind batted back.
Judging by her anger, it seemed likely that Belle wasn’t all that happy about Regina’s goal to overthrow him. She’d trembled and faltered once Regina was gone. She’d allowed him to hold her in his arms. She’d felt so warm and soft…
He closed his eyes, reveling in the memory of that brief moment.
“This means it’s true love!” her voice echoed in his ear.
No, he thought purposefully as he opened his eyes again, it hadn’t been real.
A voice inside seemed to argue, She hasn’t tried to kiss you since then.
That did seem odd, if she had the endgame to reduce him to a mere mortal. It would seem more likely that she’d try again and again to succeed. But she’d faithfully kept her distance. Even now, while in the intimate position of being in each other’s arms, she’d been the first to pull away from him and get back to her work.
Maybe she’s just extremely patient, he reasoned with himself.
It was possible that someone could wait months or years to enact their evil plan, all the while building up to their intended goal, taking out their enemy when their guard was down. Sirens lived by this very principle, and thousands of men had lost their lives to them. Regina was certainly capable of such vile hate to be patient. But Belle seemed so innocent… What could be her motive? He had this and a couple more questions that needed answering before he could truly believe that she was as innocent as she appeared to be.
She came in with a clean tray and a fresh plate and mead, and set the meal at his place at the table and stood back to wait for him to take his seat. But he wasn’t interested in eating at the moment. “Belle,” he spoke softly, standing in front of her. “You seemed…surprised to see the queen.”
Belle bowed her head to declare, “I wasn’t expecting her. How often does she come to you to make deals?”
He shrugged. “Every year or so.”
She looked up at him. “Then, we shouldn’t see her again for another year?”
He thought back to the encounter. “If at all,” Rumpelstiltskin mumbled. “She is not welcome here. I’ll take measures to make sure she does not return.”
Belle seemed to relax a bit after a shaky sigh. “Good.”
“Uh,” he turned to pace away a few steps, “I have to ask again…when you left that day for town--”
“When I met her on the road?”
“Yes,” he nodded once. He paused a few feet away and turned to face her, mustering up the courage to know, “Why did you come back?”
Belle was quiet for a moment as she thought about her answer. “I wasn’t going to,” she repeated her reply from that day that seemed so long ago. “I was going to go home.”
“Until you met the queen,” he assumed and she nodded.
“She was so nice to me, but I sensed something was…not right with her. I wanted us to part ways, but…then she started talking to me about curses and how a kiss born out of true love would cure it. I’d never heard that before.”
“And you thought I didn’t like my… ‘curse.’”
She smiled sadly. “You seemed miserable and lonely to me. I thought you would welcome the chance to be a man again.”
“Hm,” he muttered, studying her for deception and finding none. “So, you came back to try… Did you think it would work?”
“I hoped it would. I knew that I--” she stopped abruptly before saying the word, deciding to drop her gaze and use a different one instead, “cared for you.”
Moving closer, he peered at her long and hard before leaning in so close that he could tell she smelled of fire smoke and flowers. Belle froze, watching him with wide eyes, but he had to test her, to know. “Do you want to kiss me again?” he asked so softly that it was almost reverent.
“Yes,” she breathed, her heart beating hard and fast with her gaze locked with his. The moment was so intense, she thought for sure he’d lean in and kiss her, just the way she hoped. But she came to her senses and closed her eyes to keep her wits. “But I don’t want to be responsible for taking away your power if that’s not something you want.” To prove her point, she stepped back from him to a more comfortable distance, but remained in the room in case he had any more to say.
He didn’t, though his gaze did linger on her as he walked over to the table and sat down. Belle followed and mutely lifted the lid off his plate, waited for his approval of the meal, and took a step away to leave when she felt him grab her hand. Her heart still pounding from his nearness earlier, she fussed, “Rumpelstiltskin, please.”
His eyebrows furrowed, awaiting an explanation for her sudden outburst.
Belle couldn’t meet his eyes, closing hers again instead. “Please stop touching me. It’s difficult enough keeping my distance from you every day without you holding my hand.”
Something in her voice made him believe that she really did want him to touch her, and that’s where the struggle lay. Still, he respected her request and let her go. “As you wish. I merely wanted to ask if you’d like to go home. I could make another deal with your father to return you--”
“Oh, no, please don’t,” she pleaded. “I don’t want Papa to suffer any more. I’ll be fine here. I’m sure it will get easier…”
He nodded to dismiss her, and Belle bowed her head like a doting servant before she left the room. He no longer believed she was working for the queen. But where did that leave them now?
As servant and master, he supposed, although…that idea didn’t sit well with him anymore at all.
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