It's getting harder and harder to breathe
The first week of classes is over. Two days full of three hour classes seems like a longer week than it really is, so I'm a bit worried about how my week will feel with sixteen hours of internship added in. I guess I'll find out this week.
Classes are crazy though. It's a little strange for me, because I'm used to having at least one class in which I have absolutely no interest. Some of the girls (because we're all female) have been complaining about the history class, but even that is interesting to me. I guess we'll see how I feel about it in October, when I will have absolutely no time, and possibly a nervous breakdown. I should probably start weaning myself off of coffee now, so that I dont have an addiction thrown in with all that.
On the other hand, I am really stressed about other things that I should have done a long time ago, that now I need to do as quickly as possible, but first I need to make sure I'm keeping up with my current work. I'm frustrated with myself because it's my own fault, and I still have no motivation to do anything. I wonder if I even belong in this program. Maybe I should have taken some time off to work. But I would probably still have the same issues, just in a different setting. Plus, I would never have been able to forgive myself if I didn't try to do this. I'm not as brave as I'd like people to think...
Still, I am really happy with Denver and DU, and I really intend to work my ass off to prove myself wrong. It's not just about the grades either. I don't think I've ever been concerned about grades so much, except in relation to how much my parents did. With them, the better grades I got, the less they yelled. Also, I must admit, I really do love making them proud of me. But now, I really don't think it's about that. I just want learn as much as I can, so that I can actually be effective as a social worker. I guess right now, that's the best motivation I could have.
Classes are crazy though. It's a little strange for me, because I'm used to having at least one class in which I have absolutely no interest. Some of the girls (because we're all female) have been complaining about the history class, but even that is interesting to me. I guess we'll see how I feel about it in October, when I will have absolutely no time, and possibly a nervous breakdown. I should probably start weaning myself off of coffee now, so that I dont have an addiction thrown in with all that.
On the other hand, I am really stressed about other things that I should have done a long time ago, that now I need to do as quickly as possible, but first I need to make sure I'm keeping up with my current work. I'm frustrated with myself because it's my own fault, and I still have no motivation to do anything. I wonder if I even belong in this program. Maybe I should have taken some time off to work. But I would probably still have the same issues, just in a different setting. Plus, I would never have been able to forgive myself if I didn't try to do this. I'm not as brave as I'd like people to think...
Still, I am really happy with Denver and DU, and I really intend to work my ass off to prove myself wrong. It's not just about the grades either. I don't think I've ever been concerned about grades so much, except in relation to how much my parents did. With them, the better grades I got, the less they yelled. Also, I must admit, I really do love making them proud of me. But now, I really don't think it's about that. I just want learn as much as I can, so that I can actually be effective as a social worker. I guess right now, that's the best motivation I could have.