But I'm on my way home to my Pineywood Hills
I have not been this camp sick since my last day of camp my first summer there. This is horrible. I thought that I had left camp in my past. Not the people, but I was ok with not going back. I wish that the good things didn't have to end so quickly. Last summer I didn't really think that much about missing camp, because I was so busy. But this summer, I'm going to be in Muskegon. I don't want to be that creepy girl who shows up to everything, but I want to be a part of that life. I miss my campers. I miss feeling like I'm actually making a difference in someone's life. I still remember the counselors that I had when I went to camp. I miss lying to children about being married to other counselors, and telling them that my co-counselor is my sister. I miss pretending that I'm eight years old. Maybe this is just another effect of my illness. Maybe I am just going stir-crazy. It's harder today. The sun is shining, and the snow is melting. I want to run around, and plan jail raids in a game of capture the flag. I never wanted to play originally, but I always got into it. I even miss the middle school drama that happened. Why does our culture revolve around money? Why is it necessary to go to school and get a degree to have a halfway decent life? I want to stay 18 and stupid forever. I want to feel like I'm the best person in the world after distracting a homesick camper, getting them to run around on beach day and attack people. I want to lie under the stars on the deck of Niles, and be serenaded by the boys. I want to be yelled at for using Les Mis in yet another Thought of the Day. I want my life to mean something. I want to change the way people look at their world. But can I?