Hi again....
So yea, i haven't been updating either my livejournal or my myspace account in a long time. Sorry! I really suck at the whole documenting my life thing. I'm still tryin to get over my feelings of stupidity when i write about mild, domestic things - i wonder, why bother? Why does anyone want to know? Does anyone really read these things? Does anyone really bother? Then i start reconsidering my own existance and see, it goes downhill from there. So, i guess if i just meander about my thoughts and don't really cite specific things, I can do this.
See? I'm trying.
Prom is hopeful. I think i can do this... I'm pretty sure. My mom keeps talkin about life-changing experiences, and about how this is a milestone i will remember for the rest of my life, but I don't want to. You know? It takes away, is negative, to think that one of the highlights of my life will be my senior prom. Hell, i feel so stupid! I have SO much more work to do on myself - it's pretty shitty to know that now is going to be one of the best times of my life. And WTF about the people that miss it? are they missing part of their lives? Will they never know themselves in their prime, will they never know that this is "the best that they will be"? I'm kind of reminded of A Glass Menagerie, where Jim was a high school hero, then his whole life went downhill from there. My "high school experience" has been ok... but I certainly don't want it defining my entire life, and at the same time I don't want prom to be my defining moment.
Thinking about that kind of makes me want to dive into the cupcake tower at the end of the night.
I only have a week left of school, then i have to find my own amusement. Woah, it's gonna be all up to me to find my own friends, get talkin goin with the people I know, workin things out on my own. I will have lost "a valuble source of networking", think of all those people that i never talked to that i should have. That's a lot. But at the same time, I really like my friends. Really. I'd rather have a small hand-picked group of good ones than a big plethora of semis. Am I ranting yet?
I'm hungry. I don't want to do work at school. I have a lot of concerts to go to soon (MSI next friday, 89x birthday bash the 30th). I need to find a job. If anyone knows of one, let me know. I need to make some money, and I'm not desperate enough to work the streets yet.
I don't feel 18 and a working citizen. Somehow I don't feel as qualified as half the population with no more than a high school diploma. Too much more growing to do. I've got to go to England, and then back to Japan.
I need a pepsi. And maybe some walkies. Anybody up to take Emma for walkies? *panting*
The war between simple pleasures and personal fufillment... ah, let them be joined.
Oh, and anyone else think Senior Honors Night sucked?
P.S. If anyone's lookin for my myspace entry, it's with my e-mail: emrai75@yahoo.com. My screenname, at the moment, is Deux Ex Machina.
See? I'm trying.
Prom is hopeful. I think i can do this... I'm pretty sure. My mom keeps talkin about life-changing experiences, and about how this is a milestone i will remember for the rest of my life, but I don't want to. You know? It takes away, is negative, to think that one of the highlights of my life will be my senior prom. Hell, i feel so stupid! I have SO much more work to do on myself - it's pretty shitty to know that now is going to be one of the best times of my life. And WTF about the people that miss it? are they missing part of their lives? Will they never know themselves in their prime, will they never know that this is "the best that they will be"? I'm kind of reminded of A Glass Menagerie, where Jim was a high school hero, then his whole life went downhill from there. My "high school experience" has been ok... but I certainly don't want it defining my entire life, and at the same time I don't want prom to be my defining moment.
Thinking about that kind of makes me want to dive into the cupcake tower at the end of the night.
I only have a week left of school, then i have to find my own amusement. Woah, it's gonna be all up to me to find my own friends, get talkin goin with the people I know, workin things out on my own. I will have lost "a valuble source of networking", think of all those people that i never talked to that i should have. That's a lot. But at the same time, I really like my friends. Really. I'd rather have a small hand-picked group of good ones than a big plethora of semis. Am I ranting yet?
I'm hungry. I don't want to do work at school. I have a lot of concerts to go to soon (MSI next friday, 89x birthday bash the 30th). I need to find a job. If anyone knows of one, let me know. I need to make some money, and I'm not desperate enough to work the streets yet.
I don't feel 18 and a working citizen. Somehow I don't feel as qualified as half the population with no more than a high school diploma. Too much more growing to do. I've got to go to England, and then back to Japan.
I need a pepsi. And maybe some walkies. Anybody up to take Emma for walkies? *panting*
The war between simple pleasures and personal fufillment... ah, let them be joined.
Oh, and anyone else think Senior Honors Night sucked?
P.S. If anyone's lookin for my myspace entry, it's with my e-mail: emrai75@yahoo.com. My screenname, at the moment, is Deux Ex Machina.