i'm an idiot
It's been a week and not much has changed. I'll start at the beginning again, so you can fully understand what has happened...
Well, after I wrote the last entry, I went home and my parents and I got in ANOTHER huge fight. I called Sharon and asked if I could stay with her for a little while. She agreed and I started packing. While I was packing my neighbor, Stefanie, came over and asked if she could talk to me. Steph and I have known each other since I was in like 2nd grade. Anyway, Steph talked me down and shared some of her knowledge on parents. She has been in my position, so she knows what it's like.
It was good to have someone be on my side, but let me know how much of an idiot I can be at times. I talked to my mom after Steph left and I agreed to see the new therapist. I didn't care anymore. I just knew that if I said that I didn't want to see her then I would be out of a home. And, I did go to see her on Saturday. She was nice, but I still don't want to go. It's just a waste of money, in my opinion.
In other news, Sharon and I were downtown on Saturday night and she got in a car accident. Her car wasn't majorly damaged, but the other guy's car was pretty fucked. No one was hurt, but Sharon was freaking out. We had to call our parents and she had to lie to her mom about the reason we were downtown. We were supposed to be at a movie, so her mom thought it was odd that we were there. I quickly made up a lie and I don't think her parents even questioned it, thankfully.
Since the accident, Sharon has been acting very strange. I don't know if it's because she blames me or what, but she hasn't really been the same. I don't know what I could do to make it up to her because she's been so unpredictable.
Mom and I still constantly fight. That's no big surprise, right? And, I did drop out of school. I started working more and I hate every second of it. I woke up this morning and just started crying because of how much I've fucked up over the last year. I look at the things that I've done and wonder "who is this girl?" Who is this girl that drops out of schoool? Who is this girl who has practically no friends anymore? Who is this girl who fucked up probably one of the best relationships that she's ever had??
He's going away to school and I can't stop him. When I looked at his car the other night, there was a sticker from UMR on his bumper. I just realized that I'm never going to see him again. It's over. I fucked it up and it's fucking over. Good job, Ashley. Way to go.
Work is horrible. It's the same people, the same stories, the same fights day in and day out. It's always the same. I hate most of them there- actually, at times I feel like I hate all of them. They all get to fucking leave at the end of the day, but I take my job ome with me. I take it all home. I wear it like a nursing mother carries her child. With it I'm nothing and without it I'm nothing. I'm fucking nothing.
I'm just in a bad mood today, forgive me. I can't seem to keep my mind straight. Sorry.
Well, after I wrote the last entry, I went home and my parents and I got in ANOTHER huge fight. I called Sharon and asked if I could stay with her for a little while. She agreed and I started packing. While I was packing my neighbor, Stefanie, came over and asked if she could talk to me. Steph and I have known each other since I was in like 2nd grade. Anyway, Steph talked me down and shared some of her knowledge on parents. She has been in my position, so she knows what it's like.
It was good to have someone be on my side, but let me know how much of an idiot I can be at times. I talked to my mom after Steph left and I agreed to see the new therapist. I didn't care anymore. I just knew that if I said that I didn't want to see her then I would be out of a home. And, I did go to see her on Saturday. She was nice, but I still don't want to go. It's just a waste of money, in my opinion.
In other news, Sharon and I were downtown on Saturday night and she got in a car accident. Her car wasn't majorly damaged, but the other guy's car was pretty fucked. No one was hurt, but Sharon was freaking out. We had to call our parents and she had to lie to her mom about the reason we were downtown. We were supposed to be at a movie, so her mom thought it was odd that we were there. I quickly made up a lie and I don't think her parents even questioned it, thankfully.
Since the accident, Sharon has been acting very strange. I don't know if it's because she blames me or what, but she hasn't really been the same. I don't know what I could do to make it up to her because she's been so unpredictable.
Mom and I still constantly fight. That's no big surprise, right? And, I did drop out of school. I started working more and I hate every second of it. I woke up this morning and just started crying because of how much I've fucked up over the last year. I look at the things that I've done and wonder "who is this girl?" Who is this girl that drops out of schoool? Who is this girl who has practically no friends anymore? Who is this girl who fucked up probably one of the best relationships that she's ever had??
He's going away to school and I can't stop him. When I looked at his car the other night, there was a sticker from UMR on his bumper. I just realized that I'm never going to see him again. It's over. I fucked it up and it's fucking over. Good job, Ashley. Way to go.
Work is horrible. It's the same people, the same stories, the same fights day in and day out. It's always the same. I hate most of them there- actually, at times I feel like I hate all of them. They all get to fucking leave at the end of the day, but I take my job ome with me. I take it all home. I wear it like a nursing mother carries her child. With it I'm nothing and without it I'm nothing. I'm fucking nothing.
I'm just in a bad mood today, forgive me. I can't seem to keep my mind straight. Sorry.