Suicide Watch
Okay, so my dad got rid of the Internet, so I can't update nearly as often anymore. It really does suck. There's so much to tell you guys...I don't even know where to start.
I guess I should start with last week. Well, Thursday was by far the best day of my life. I got to sleep in late, do homework, and be free of all attachments to everyone. I went into work and my two favorite people came in to visit. I was so happy.
Then Friday I woke up and everything was different. I was bursting into tears every few minutes about everything. No matter what people said, I ended up crying. On the way to school, mom was talking to me and I just sat there and cried. I told her that I wanted to drop out of school and she was like "Why!?" I told her that I couldn't do it anymore. She turned the car around and told me that I needed to rest.
So, we got home and I slept. It felt good to sleep. Mom woke me up around 1:00 and took me out to lunch. We ate in the park and talked and everything was good. We actually were getting along. I felt really good and I actually didn't want to kill her, so it was a nice afternoon.
That night, Sharon and I were supposed to go to a concert, but our plans got pretty fucked up. We ended up going shopping instead and then Tony went with us to see a movie. It was fun for the most part.
The part that went bad was when mom and Danni lied to me. Apparently, they went out to a bar together on Friday night. Keep in mind that Danni is only 18. And, my mom is taking her out?? They both lied to me about it until I found out the truth last night. I confronted them about it and they acted like I had no right to get mad. WHAT? My mother and my best friend are going out together and then LIE about it and I'm supposed to be okay with it? Fuck them.
So, I was crying and freaking out last night because mom came home and yelled at me in front of everyone. She embarassed me on purpose in front of Kelli and Kevin. Then Danielle started screaming at me, too. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just fucking die.
And, I tried to. I slit my wrists and drank 2 bottles of Nyquil. Blood covered my clothes and the bathroom. I laid in the bathtub and waited to die. I wanted to die, but they found me. They wouldn't let me sleep and they bandaged my wounds. I looked at Danielle and asked "Why don't you let me go?" She didn't say anything.
I slept all day today because mom wouldn't let me go to school. She actually had the balls to ask Sharon to take me to my new therapist because mom doesn't want to. She confuses me greatly sometimes.
I have no one left. Sharon has Tony now, which is good. Danielle has her friends, so that's good for her. I'm just bringing her down. I'm causing everyone so much pain. My parents want to "talk" to me, yet they sent me to my grandma's house for the week. They said they can't deal with this right now.
I'm on "suicide watch" right now. I'm not allowed to be by myself ever. I have to be watched like a fucking 2 year old. Why won't they just let me go?
I guess I should start with last week. Well, Thursday was by far the best day of my life. I got to sleep in late, do homework, and be free of all attachments to everyone. I went into work and my two favorite people came in to visit. I was so happy.
Then Friday I woke up and everything was different. I was bursting into tears every few minutes about everything. No matter what people said, I ended up crying. On the way to school, mom was talking to me and I just sat there and cried. I told her that I wanted to drop out of school and she was like "Why!?" I told her that I couldn't do it anymore. She turned the car around and told me that I needed to rest.
So, we got home and I slept. It felt good to sleep. Mom woke me up around 1:00 and took me out to lunch. We ate in the park and talked and everything was good. We actually were getting along. I felt really good and I actually didn't want to kill her, so it was a nice afternoon.
That night, Sharon and I were supposed to go to a concert, but our plans got pretty fucked up. We ended up going shopping instead and then Tony went with us to see a movie. It was fun for the most part.
The part that went bad was when mom and Danni lied to me. Apparently, they went out to a bar together on Friday night. Keep in mind that Danni is only 18. And, my mom is taking her out?? They both lied to me about it until I found out the truth last night. I confronted them about it and they acted like I had no right to get mad. WHAT? My mother and my best friend are going out together and then LIE about it and I'm supposed to be okay with it? Fuck them.
So, I was crying and freaking out last night because mom came home and yelled at me in front of everyone. She embarassed me on purpose in front of Kelli and Kevin. Then Danielle started screaming at me, too. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just fucking die.
And, I tried to. I slit my wrists and drank 2 bottles of Nyquil. Blood covered my clothes and the bathroom. I laid in the bathtub and waited to die. I wanted to die, but they found me. They wouldn't let me sleep and they bandaged my wounds. I looked at Danielle and asked "Why don't you let me go?" She didn't say anything.
I slept all day today because mom wouldn't let me go to school. She actually had the balls to ask Sharon to take me to my new therapist because mom doesn't want to. She confuses me greatly sometimes.
I have no one left. Sharon has Tony now, which is good. Danielle has her friends, so that's good for her. I'm just bringing her down. I'm causing everyone so much pain. My parents want to "talk" to me, yet they sent me to my grandma's house for the week. They said they can't deal with this right now.
I'm on "suicide watch" right now. I'm not allowed to be by myself ever. I have to be watched like a fucking 2 year old. Why won't they just let me go?