Written

[emptyyourself]

Comments

new innovations in assholery

[darknessb4me]

I like you, but this is really long.

[THEN, LATER:]

I read it anyway, because the first sentence was horrible to me. Not in a badly-written way. The implication.

[Private]

I- the entire idea of this boat is unconscionable to me now. If a person is their soul, their last and only unshakeable right should be to determine their own fate, with no one else pushing them one way or the other for - as a bargaining chip.

I was considering becoming a warden here if I were ever to graduate, because I've always tried to save everyone I could. I don't think I could do that now.

Private

[emptyyourself]

It isn't necessary to ask for a deal here, Arthas. Several people have been here for the sheer altruism.

I can no longer act out of altruism. I need a motivating factor to compel me to work with my enemy. It was another story all together with Mozenrath.

Private

[darknessb4me]

I think that altruism is misguided. There's nothing inherently good about telling someone they need to change.

Private

[emptyyourself]

Everyone has a choice. You're all brought in at the ends of your lives; you can choose to change and take a second chance, or you can go on to whatever is waiting for you as your eternal reward. No one stays here for eternity.

Private

[darknessb4me]

I feel like I'll be here for eternity. Fordring won't let me die. Why won't he just let me die?

I hate being alive. I hate being awake. I hate having to keep going as this horrible person that's done awful things.

Private

[emptyyourself]

Then make amends. Be a person who remembers those mistakes and tries never makes them again. I am not speaking to you as a warden, but as someone who has been where you are.

Fordring won't allow you to die because he cares about you. If he was truly only here for a deal, don't you believe he would pass you off to another warden and find an inmate whose soul is easier to polish up and pass off as new?

Private

[darknessb4me]

I don't think I can. I don't think I can even try to approach what I did. It's too big. It will crush me. I'm just going to keep running away from it.

He doesn't have a deal. But I think he cares about me as an idea. Or a trophy to win - "Fordring redeemed the Lich King, he's so good." Instead of a real person. I don't think he would stay if he thought of me as a person. I've hurt him too badly. Killed his friends and his troops. Enjoyed it. Laughed at his anger and grief.

I'm leaving to curl up and shake and stare at nothing now. Don't tell anyone that, it's weak and embarrassing for me.

Private

[emptyyourself]

Would you like me to come sit with you? I think that's what I should do, if I am to be your friend.

I won't laugh at you.

Private

[darknessb4me]

I'd be ashamed to be seen like that. I wish I hadn't told you about it. No. I'm fi- ..I'm f- ....

[His voice is suddenly oddly clear:] I think there's something terribly wrong with this situation, but I can't put my finger on it.

...I want to deal with it on my own. I want to be someone that can do that. What's the worst that can happen? I'll get back up in a few hours and things will be normal. And neither of us will have to think about it.

Re: Private

[emptyyourself]

I won't say anything to you again about it. I don't judge you for it. I have my own embarrassing moment, and understand the desire to bear them alone.

But I am extremely concerned and won't forget it - and will probably make more of an effort to interact with you on a regular basis.

We won't think about it on movie night. Movie night is escapism for all of us.

Private

[darknessb4me]

Okay.

Yes.