Musical Torchwood - originally posted under stopwatch_happy
Title: Musical Torchwood
Summary:
Ianto and Tosh make a trip to the video shop and come back with a few interesting choices including; Hot Fuzz, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, The O.C season one and ….The Producers.
And as we all know our Beloved John Barrowman is in that movie. *smirk*
Warnings/spoilers: No spoilers for Torchwood but spoilers for The Producers.
Parings/characters: Team. Jack/Ianto. Gwen/Owen.
--
The lead tenor started sing Springtime For Hitler and when he stepped out from behind the other singers everyone gasped.
“What the hell!”
They all leaned forward to stare closely at the person singing on the stage.
“Jack”, Ianto breathed, “That’s you!”
“It’s not”, Jack frowned and started closely at the person, “It can’t be”.
The blonde haired, blue-eyed, gay Nazi flashed a grin.
“It is!” Jack yelled.
---
Ianto and Tosh clattered through the main entrance giggling and laughing.
“Whadya get?” Owen yelled from the other side of the Hub.
“DVD’s”, Tosh called back.
“No shit, Sherlock”.
“What DVD’s, Tosh?” Gwen asked, coming through the entrance behind them.
“It’s a surprise”, Tosh and Ianto grinned at each other, “You got pizza?”
“Yup”, Gwen said cheerfully.
They made their way to the recreation area and dumped their offerings on the table.
Four DVDs and five pizza boxes joined the packets of crisps and lollies Owen had already left there.
“Yum!” Tosh squealed, grabbing for a packet of strawberry clouds, “My favourite”.
“I like Haribosbetter personally”, Ianto put in, grabbing another packet of lollies and opened them, tipping the contents into a bowl.
“Starburst for me”, Gwen grinned, following Ianto’s lead and opening a packet of crisps, putting them into a basket.
“Minties”, Owen yelled from his workstation.
“What are minties?” Jack asked, dragging three bean bags into the room.
Ianto hurried over to help, “They’re a mint chewy lolly. What are your favourite sweets?”
Jack thought for a moment before grinning, “Banana lollipops. I used to travel a lot with two people. One liked bananas; he was crazy for them and the other loved red lollipops; always gave her a sugar high. So I found this old classis candy shop and they sold banana flavoured lollipops; I bought out their collection”.
“Weird”, Owen said, entering the room.
“They’re nice”, Jack protested, “I’ve still order them. I got a box yesterday. Would you guys like to try them?”
Gwen smiled, “That would be great. I love bananas”.
Jack returned the smile and popped out of the room to grab his collection.
Once everyone was settled down and had a collection of lollies, crisps and banana lollipops Tosh decided it was time to start the movie.
“For tonight’s viewing we have….” she trailed off dramatically and Owen banged the table in a drum roll.
Tosh whipped the DVDs out, “Hot Fuzz; for Gwen so she can complain about how bullshit it is and for Owen so he can make fun of her”.
Owen cheered silently and Gwen whacked him playfully in the stomach.
“Foul!” he yelled.
“What’s the next one?” Jack asked.
“It’s actually a TV series called The O.C; a take on rich kids in a posh society in Newport, California”.
“California as in America?” Owen asked.
Everyone gave him a look.
“What?” he grumbled, grabbing some crisps, “There’s also a Newport in Wales”.
“Next”, Tosh interrupted, “Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Because Johnny Depp is hot”.
“He’s not that hot”, Owen pointed out.
“Yes he is”, Tosh, Gwen and Jack answered.
“And last but not least; The Producers”, Tosh showed the DVD, “Which one do you want to watch first?”
“Pass around the boxes, Tosh”, Ianto suggested.
Tosh threw the boxes gently at people in turn.
“The Producers is a musical”, Jack exclaimed with a far off look in his eye.
“Yeah”, Tosh nodded, “It about two guys who figure out that you make more money producing a flop then a great show on Broadway. So they produce some play called Springtime For Hitler”.
“It says about it here on the box”, Gwen piped up; “Springtime For Hitler is a gay romp with Eva and Adolf at Berchtesgaden”.
Ianto’s eyes boggled, “Oh my God!”
“Exactly, that’s why it’s a flop”, Tosh pointed out.
Jack hugged the box to his chest, “We are watching this first”.
“No we are not”, Owen shook his head and crossed his arms, “I’m not watching some gay rompy porn movie”.
“You love it”, Gwen smirked.
“Uma Thurman’s in it”, Ianto pointed out, “She plays a Swedish actor/dancer name Ulla”.
“Swedish?” it was Owen’s turn to get a far off look in his eye.
“The Producers”, Jack waved the box and Tosh took it, putting the DVD into the player.
Everyone settled down, Jack jumped on one of the bean bags and Ianto sunk down onto one of the other ones, both men putting their feet on the third one; their legs slightly entwined.
Tosh grabbed a knit blanket off the back of the couch and tried to throw the blanket over herself.
Gwen grabbed the blanket and threw it over Tosh and Tosh smiled a thanks. Gwen handed her the packet of strawberry clouds and Tosh’s smile turned to a grin.
“You’re such a mother”, Owen stated.
“Is that a bad thing?” asked Gwen, confused.
Owen though for a moment, “Don’t think so”.
Gwen walked over and sat on the other side of the couch she was sharing with Owen
Owen tsked and opened his arms. Gwen smiled and scooted up the couch to lean against him. Owen wrapped his arms around her and Gwen sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder.
Jack, Ianto and Tosh shared a glance.
“Are we ready?” Tosh asked.
She had all the remotes next to her in fear Owen would try to use them and break them, again.
The movie started and Jack sighed happily, “I always wanted to be in a musical”.
“I have”, Owen piped up.
Four sets of eyes turned to him.
“What?” he shrugged, “It was ages ago. I was in Oliver”.
“What part did you play?” Tosh asked.
“Oliver of course”, Owen scoffed, he threw a Haribosat her, “Now shut up. I wanna watch”.
“Thought you didn’t like the gay romp thing”, Gwen grinned.
Owen squeezed his arms tighter around her, “Don’t make me hurt you. As soon as this is finished we can watch another one. I wanna see that O.C thingy”.
They got part way through the movie with only one small crisis; they ran out of banana lollipops.
“Don’t look at me!” Owen whined.
As soon as everyone’s attention was back on the TV, Owen snuck a lollipop out of his pocket and started sucking it.
Gwen frowned and poked him. Owen poked her back but complied and got another out, popping it in her mouth.
Gwen sighed happily and leaned back against him, both happily sucking their new favourite lolly.
They got to the part where ‘Ulla’ was introduced.
Gwen looked up at Owen secretly. He saw her gaze and grinned sneakily.
“She’s hot”, he announced to the room, receiving a few thrown objects.
Gwen stiffened slightly and Owen ducked his head.
“Not that hot”, he whispered in her ear.
Gwen smiled and kissed his cheek.
When Ulla started sing ‘When you’ve got it, flaunt it’ Owen started singing along.
“Ven you got it” he sung, mimicking the accent, “flaunt it
Step right up and strut your stuff
People tell you modesty's a wirtue
But in the theatre modesty can hurt you”
”Ven you got it, flaunt it
Show your assets, let them know you're proud
Your goodies you must push
Stick out your chest, shake your tush
Ven you got it, shout it out loud”
Everyone clapped and Owen waved a hand in the air, “Thank you, thank you”
The movie continued playing and soon Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom were knocking on some director’s door.
“Gay alert!” Owen yelled.
Ianto threw a handful of Starbursts at him.
They kept watching.
“Listen Roger” Max Bialystock said, “Did you get a chance yet to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris smiled, “Read it? I devoured it! I for one, for instance, never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany”
Jack laughed, “Idiot!”
Max choked back laughter, “Yeah, how 'bout that? Then you'll do it?”
“Do it?”, Roger asked, “Of course not. It's not my cup of tea, Max please... World War II? Hmm... Too dark, too depressing”.
The music started playing in the movie and Owen groaned.
“They’re singing again!” he complained.
“It’s a musical”, Gwen pointed out.
”The theatre's so obsessed”, Roger sung, “With dramas so depressed / It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway / Shows should be more pretty / Shows should be more witty / Shows should be more...”
The singing and music stopped and Owen sighed.
“What's the word?” Roger asked.
“Gay!” Leo, Jack and Ianto sung.
Owen covered his head with a pillow and Jack and Ianto started singing along with ‘Keep It Gay!’
“No matter what you do on the stage”, they sung,
”Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay!
Whether it's murder, mayhem or rage
Don't complain, it's a pain
Keep it gay!”
“People want laughter when they see a show
The last thing they're after's a litany of woe
A happy ending will pep up your play...
Oedipus won't bomb...
If he winds up with Mom!
Keep it gay!
Keep it gay...
Keep it gay!”
“Keep it GAY!” Jack finished loudly.
Gwen and Tosh clapped and Ianto and Jack took seated bows.
“Am I the only one that wants to watch this movie?” Owen complained.
“He’s eagerly awaiting the gay romping”, Gwen smirked.
“That’s it!” Owen yelled.
He started tickling her and Gwen screamed.
“Help me!” she shrieked.
Everyone threw food or DVDs but no one got up.
“Thanks for the support, guys!” Gwen pouted.
“Shhh!” Jack scolded.
Owen stopped his attack and Gwen shifted her position.
The movie went on and it got to the opening night.
The play began and Jack gasped.
“It’s gay men in army helmets and lederhosen!” Jack cried, “Ianto! Look!”
“I can see, Jack”, Ianto smile over at him.
Jack smiled back and moved his feet closer to Ianto’s.
Gwen and Tosh awwed and Owen made a gagging motion.
Gwen hit him lightly, “Don’t, they’re happy”.
“Like us?” Owen asked cautiously.
Gwen hesitated, thinking of Rhys at home briefly, “Like us”, she confirmed with a kiss.
The lead tenor started sing Springtime For Hitler and when he stepped out from behind the other singers everyone gasped.
“What the hell!”
They all leaned forward to stare closely at the person singing on the stage.
“Jack”, Ianto breathed, “That’s you!”
“It’s not”, Jack frowned and started closely at the person, “It can’t be”.
The blonde haired, blue-eyed, gay Nazi flashed a grin.
“It is!” Jack yelled, “Where’s the box! Where’s the box!”
Tosh grabbed the box and fumbled with it, “It’s not here; it doesn’t say anything about singers”.
Jack snatched the box from her hands, “It doesn’t say”, he whined.
“It’s called credits, genius”, Owen pointed out.
“Credits!” Jack grabbed the remotes and started fiddling with them.
“Jack!” Tosh cried, “Don’t! You’ll break them!”
There was a flurry of motion.
Ianto and Jack were fiddling with the three remotes trying to get to the credits while Tosh tried to get them back.
“Press the little next arrow!” Gwen coaxed.
“Gwen!” Tosh scolded.
“Well, they need help!”
Tosh got the remotes back off them and skipped expertly to the credits.
Jack scooted over and sat directly in front of the TV. The rest of team crowed around behind him.
“Lead tenor”, Jack followed the credits down, “Pause!”
Tosh paused it and they followed the line across.
“Lead tenor…John Barrowman”, Ianto read, “Not Jack Harkness”.
“But that’s me!” Jack exclaimed.
The team looked at him.
“It’s just someone who looks a lot like you”, Gwen soothed.
“But that grin”, Ianto pointed out.
“So he’s got the same smile”, Owen sighed, “Play the damn movie!”
Jack stood up, “You can keep watching I’m gonna go to the toilet”.
He disappeared in the direction of his office not the bathrooms.
They finished watching the movie minus Jack.
“What one do you want to watch next?” Tosh asked.
Everyone started arguing about the next movie.
“I think I’ll go see what Jack wants to watch”, Ianto said slowly, he looked at Gwen and gestured to Jack’s office with his head.
She nodded and followed him, happy to get away from Tosh and Owen arguing.
They entered his office to see Jack staring intently at his computer.
“Jack?” Ianto called softly.
Jack looked up startled but gestured for them to join him.
They wandered over and looked at the computer screen.
Footage of John Barrowman from The Producers played.
“Look carefully”, Jack urged.
Ianto and Gwen shared a glance before watching the singer.
“His singing’s identical to mine”, Jack pointed out.
“Oh, Jack-“.
“Wait!” Jack clicked quickly on the computer, “I downloaded his bio”.
“John Barrowman” Jack read, “was born March 11, 1967, in Glasgow, Scotland. His family moved to Joliet, Illinois when he was 8”.
“Alright”, Gwen began but was cut off.
”There’s more”, Jack shushed her, “After graduating from United States International University, he returned to the UK to study Shakespeare at London University. While studying there, he attended an open casting call for ‘Anything Goes’. They needed an actor who could not only act and sing, but also do an American accent. He got the role, and hasn't looked back since”
”He has since appeared on stage both in the UK and the US, in shows including "Miss Saigon," "Beauty and the Beast," "Evita," "Hair," "Sunset Boulevard," and "A Few Good Men’.”
”His film roles include De Lovely, in which he performed a duet with Kevin Kline and Mel Brook's remake of the Producers”.
“Are you done?” Ianto asked cautiously.
“He’s also married”, Jack finished.
“Married?” Gwen frowned, “I thought he was gay?”
“He had a joining ceremony with his partner Scott Gill in December 2006. They went out for 16 years”.
Gwen and Ianto smiled at each other.
“Are you OK?” Ianto asked.
“Fine”, Jack said cheerfully, “Let’s watch another movie. I wanna see Johnny Depp!”
He marched from the room and Gwen sighed, “He’s not OK, is he?”
“No he’s not”, Ianto confirmed.
“Do you think he’ll start stalking John Barrowman?”, Gwen asked.
Ianto gave her a look, “I don’t think he’d stoop that low”.
“John lives in London”, Gwen pointed out.
“I’ll put a tracker on Jack”.
---
The movies finished (excluding the O.C) and everyone was ready to go home.
“Night!” Tosh waved and ducked out the entrance, bag clutched in hand and blanket still draped across her shoulders.
“Coming, Gwen?” Owen called from the door, The O.C box tucked happily under his arm.
Gwen looked quickly at Jack and Ianto.
She hugged Jack quickly.
“Sleep”, she ordered.
He nodded absently.
She turned to Ianto and surprisingly hugged him.
“Got the tracker yet?” she whispered.
“I’ll put it on him tonight”, he whispered back.
“Don’t give me the details”, Gwen wrinkled her nose.
Gwen and Owen left, leaving Jack and Ianto alone in the hub.
“Come on”, Ianto grabbed Jack’s hand, “I’m tired”.
---
Ianto awoke the next morning to the sounds of banging and swearing.
He groaned and got up, putting his suit on quickly he started up the ladder and popped out into Jack’s office.
Owen stood at his workstation, bashing his computer with a metal pipe.
“Morning, tea boy”, he called out cheerfully before going back to hitting the computer.
Tosh rolled her eyes, “I wished you’d just let me fix it. Hey, ‘Yan”.
Ianto smiled, “Morning. I think coffee is desperately needed”.
“If you don’t mind that would be great”, Tosh smiled, rubbing her eyes.
Ianto made his way up to the coffee machine. He started brewing a pot when the main door rolled away and in walked Gwen.
“Morning”, she called out over the Hub.
“Morning”, Tosh and Owen answered.
“Morning Gwen”, Ianto called down, “Coffee?”
“Yes, please”, she grinned.
She settled down at her workstation and started her computer. She watched as Owen continued beating his up while whistling happily.
“Why don’t you just let Tosh fix it?” she suggested.
“Thank you!” Tosh sighed.
“I will not let technology win”, he grinned.
“What would Jack say?” Gwen sighed, “Hey, Ianto? Where’s Jack?”
Ianto gasped and dropped the coffee mug he was currently holding.
“Fuck!” he ran down the stairs two at a time, “I didn’t put the tracker on him!”
Gwen’s eyes widened, “He’s not here?”
“No! I only woke up a little while ago”, Ianto bit his lip.
“What’s wrong?” Tosh asked with a frown.
“Jack’s taken an interest in John Barrowman, you know the look-alike?”
Tosh and Owen nodded.
“Well”, Gwen wrung her hands, “he found out where he lives”.
“And?” Owen asked.
“London”.
“And you didn’t put a tracker on him!” Tosh exclaimed.
“Put a tracker on who?”
Everyone looked up as Jack entered. There was a pause and the team stared at their boss in shock. As usual Owen broke the silence.
“Oh. My. God!” he laughed, “You’re blonde!”
Jack had dyed his hair a sandy blonde.
“Jack!” Ianto exclaimed.
“What?” Jack asked innocently, “I got sick of being a brunette”.
“Jack-Jack”, Ianto stuttered, “You dyed your hair?”.
Jack grinned, “Yup! I was thinking of getting a pair of lederhosen too”.
Ianto shook his head, “This isn’t you, Jack”.
“Of course it is!” Jack laughed, making his way to his office, “By the way, I’ve got a business meeting in London on Thursday”.
“London!” Tosh exclaimed.
She hurried to her desk and came back with a small device, “I don’t care what it takes, get this on him somehow”.
Ianto took the tracker and sighed, “Oh, goody; shag time”.
“And that’s our cue to leave”, Owen said loudly, he grabbed his jacket and practically ran for the door.
Gwen and Tosh gave him sympathetic looks.
“Good luck”, Gwen said, before following Tosh and Owen.
Ianto sighed and stood in a near empty Hub. The only sound that could be heard was Jack’s typing on the computer.
Ianto sighed again and started for Jack’s office.
“Oh, Ja-ck!”
Summary:
Ianto and Tosh make a trip to the video shop and come back with a few interesting choices including; Hot Fuzz, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, The O.C season one and ….The Producers.
And as we all know our Beloved John Barrowman is in that movie. *smirk*
Warnings/spoilers: No spoilers for Torchwood but spoilers for The Producers.
Parings/characters: Team. Jack/Ianto. Gwen/Owen.
--
The lead tenor started sing Springtime For Hitler and when he stepped out from behind the other singers everyone gasped.
“What the hell!”
They all leaned forward to stare closely at the person singing on the stage.
“Jack”, Ianto breathed, “That’s you!”
“It’s not”, Jack frowned and started closely at the person, “It can’t be”.
The blonde haired, blue-eyed, gay Nazi flashed a grin.
“It is!” Jack yelled.
---
Ianto and Tosh clattered through the main entrance giggling and laughing.
“Whadya get?” Owen yelled from the other side of the Hub.
“DVD’s”, Tosh called back.
“No shit, Sherlock”.
“What DVD’s, Tosh?” Gwen asked, coming through the entrance behind them.
“It’s a surprise”, Tosh and Ianto grinned at each other, “You got pizza?”
“Yup”, Gwen said cheerfully.
They made their way to the recreation area and dumped their offerings on the table.
Four DVDs and five pizza boxes joined the packets of crisps and lollies Owen had already left there.
“Yum!” Tosh squealed, grabbing for a packet of strawberry clouds, “My favourite”.
“I like Haribosbetter personally”, Ianto put in, grabbing another packet of lollies and opened them, tipping the contents into a bowl.
“Starburst for me”, Gwen grinned, following Ianto’s lead and opening a packet of crisps, putting them into a basket.
“Minties”, Owen yelled from his workstation.
“What are minties?” Jack asked, dragging three bean bags into the room.
Ianto hurried over to help, “They’re a mint chewy lolly. What are your favourite sweets?”
Jack thought for a moment before grinning, “Banana lollipops. I used to travel a lot with two people. One liked bananas; he was crazy for them and the other loved red lollipops; always gave her a sugar high. So I found this old classis candy shop and they sold banana flavoured lollipops; I bought out their collection”.
“Weird”, Owen said, entering the room.
“They’re nice”, Jack protested, “I’ve still order them. I got a box yesterday. Would you guys like to try them?”
Gwen smiled, “That would be great. I love bananas”.
Jack returned the smile and popped out of the room to grab his collection.
Once everyone was settled down and had a collection of lollies, crisps and banana lollipops Tosh decided it was time to start the movie.
“For tonight’s viewing we have….” she trailed off dramatically and Owen banged the table in a drum roll.
Tosh whipped the DVDs out, “Hot Fuzz; for Gwen so she can complain about how bullshit it is and for Owen so he can make fun of her”.
Owen cheered silently and Gwen whacked him playfully in the stomach.
“Foul!” he yelled.
“What’s the next one?” Jack asked.
“It’s actually a TV series called The O.C; a take on rich kids in a posh society in Newport, California”.
“California as in America?” Owen asked.
Everyone gave him a look.
“What?” he grumbled, grabbing some crisps, “There’s also a Newport in Wales”.
“Next”, Tosh interrupted, “Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Because Johnny Depp is hot”.
“He’s not that hot”, Owen pointed out.
“Yes he is”, Tosh, Gwen and Jack answered.
“And last but not least; The Producers”, Tosh showed the DVD, “Which one do you want to watch first?”
“Pass around the boxes, Tosh”, Ianto suggested.
Tosh threw the boxes gently at people in turn.
“The Producers is a musical”, Jack exclaimed with a far off look in his eye.
“Yeah”, Tosh nodded, “It about two guys who figure out that you make more money producing a flop then a great show on Broadway. So they produce some play called Springtime For Hitler”.
“It says about it here on the box”, Gwen piped up; “Springtime For Hitler is a gay romp with Eva and Adolf at Berchtesgaden”.
Ianto’s eyes boggled, “Oh my God!”
“Exactly, that’s why it’s a flop”, Tosh pointed out.
Jack hugged the box to his chest, “We are watching this first”.
“No we are not”, Owen shook his head and crossed his arms, “I’m not watching some gay rompy porn movie”.
“You love it”, Gwen smirked.
“Uma Thurman’s in it”, Ianto pointed out, “She plays a Swedish actor/dancer name Ulla”.
“Swedish?” it was Owen’s turn to get a far off look in his eye.
“The Producers”, Jack waved the box and Tosh took it, putting the DVD into the player.
Everyone settled down, Jack jumped on one of the bean bags and Ianto sunk down onto one of the other ones, both men putting their feet on the third one; their legs slightly entwined.
Tosh grabbed a knit blanket off the back of the couch and tried to throw the blanket over herself.
Gwen grabbed the blanket and threw it over Tosh and Tosh smiled a thanks. Gwen handed her the packet of strawberry clouds and Tosh’s smile turned to a grin.
“You’re such a mother”, Owen stated.
“Is that a bad thing?” asked Gwen, confused.
Owen though for a moment, “Don’t think so”.
Gwen walked over and sat on the other side of the couch she was sharing with Owen
Owen tsked and opened his arms. Gwen smiled and scooted up the couch to lean against him. Owen wrapped his arms around her and Gwen sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder.
Jack, Ianto and Tosh shared a glance.
“Are we ready?” Tosh asked.
She had all the remotes next to her in fear Owen would try to use them and break them, again.
The movie started and Jack sighed happily, “I always wanted to be in a musical”.
“I have”, Owen piped up.
Four sets of eyes turned to him.
“What?” he shrugged, “It was ages ago. I was in Oliver”.
“What part did you play?” Tosh asked.
“Oliver of course”, Owen scoffed, he threw a Haribosat her, “Now shut up. I wanna watch”.
“Thought you didn’t like the gay romp thing”, Gwen grinned.
Owen squeezed his arms tighter around her, “Don’t make me hurt you. As soon as this is finished we can watch another one. I wanna see that O.C thingy”.
They got part way through the movie with only one small crisis; they ran out of banana lollipops.
“Don’t look at me!” Owen whined.
As soon as everyone’s attention was back on the TV, Owen snuck a lollipop out of his pocket and started sucking it.
Gwen frowned and poked him. Owen poked her back but complied and got another out, popping it in her mouth.
Gwen sighed happily and leaned back against him, both happily sucking their new favourite lolly.
They got to the part where ‘Ulla’ was introduced.
Gwen looked up at Owen secretly. He saw her gaze and grinned sneakily.
“She’s hot”, he announced to the room, receiving a few thrown objects.
Gwen stiffened slightly and Owen ducked his head.
“Not that hot”, he whispered in her ear.
Gwen smiled and kissed his cheek.
When Ulla started sing ‘When you’ve got it, flaunt it’ Owen started singing along.
“Ven you got it” he sung, mimicking the accent, “flaunt it
Step right up and strut your stuff
People tell you modesty's a wirtue
But in the theatre modesty can hurt you”
”Ven you got it, flaunt it
Show your assets, let them know you're proud
Your goodies you must push
Stick out your chest, shake your tush
Ven you got it, shout it out loud”
Everyone clapped and Owen waved a hand in the air, “Thank you, thank you”
The movie continued playing and soon Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom were knocking on some director’s door.
“Gay alert!” Owen yelled.
Ianto threw a handful of Starbursts at him.
They kept watching.
“Listen Roger” Max Bialystock said, “Did you get a chance yet to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris smiled, “Read it? I devoured it! I for one, for instance, never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany”
Jack laughed, “Idiot!”
Max choked back laughter, “Yeah, how 'bout that? Then you'll do it?”
“Do it?”, Roger asked, “Of course not. It's not my cup of tea, Max please... World War II? Hmm... Too dark, too depressing”.
The music started playing in the movie and Owen groaned.
“They’re singing again!” he complained.
“It’s a musical”, Gwen pointed out.
”The theatre's so obsessed”, Roger sung, “With dramas so depressed / It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway / Shows should be more pretty / Shows should be more witty / Shows should be more...”
The singing and music stopped and Owen sighed.
“What's the word?” Roger asked.
“Gay!” Leo, Jack and Ianto sung.
Owen covered his head with a pillow and Jack and Ianto started singing along with ‘Keep It Gay!’
“No matter what you do on the stage”, they sung,
”Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay!
Whether it's murder, mayhem or rage
Don't complain, it's a pain
Keep it gay!”
“People want laughter when they see a show
The last thing they're after's a litany of woe
A happy ending will pep up your play...
Oedipus won't bomb...
If he winds up with Mom!
Keep it gay!
Keep it gay...
Keep it gay!”
“Keep it GAY!” Jack finished loudly.
Gwen and Tosh clapped and Ianto and Jack took seated bows.
“Am I the only one that wants to watch this movie?” Owen complained.
“He’s eagerly awaiting the gay romping”, Gwen smirked.
“That’s it!” Owen yelled.
He started tickling her and Gwen screamed.
“Help me!” she shrieked.
Everyone threw food or DVDs but no one got up.
“Thanks for the support, guys!” Gwen pouted.
“Shhh!” Jack scolded.
Owen stopped his attack and Gwen shifted her position.
The movie went on and it got to the opening night.
The play began and Jack gasped.
“It’s gay men in army helmets and lederhosen!” Jack cried, “Ianto! Look!”
“I can see, Jack”, Ianto smile over at him.
Jack smiled back and moved his feet closer to Ianto’s.
Gwen and Tosh awwed and Owen made a gagging motion.
Gwen hit him lightly, “Don’t, they’re happy”.
“Like us?” Owen asked cautiously.
Gwen hesitated, thinking of Rhys at home briefly, “Like us”, she confirmed with a kiss.
The lead tenor started sing Springtime For Hitler and when he stepped out from behind the other singers everyone gasped.
“What the hell!”
They all leaned forward to stare closely at the person singing on the stage.
“Jack”, Ianto breathed, “That’s you!”
“It’s not”, Jack frowned and started closely at the person, “It can’t be”.
The blonde haired, blue-eyed, gay Nazi flashed a grin.
“It is!” Jack yelled, “Where’s the box! Where’s the box!”
Tosh grabbed the box and fumbled with it, “It’s not here; it doesn’t say anything about singers”.
Jack snatched the box from her hands, “It doesn’t say”, he whined.
“It’s called credits, genius”, Owen pointed out.
“Credits!” Jack grabbed the remotes and started fiddling with them.
“Jack!” Tosh cried, “Don’t! You’ll break them!”
There was a flurry of motion.
Ianto and Jack were fiddling with the three remotes trying to get to the credits while Tosh tried to get them back.
“Press the little next arrow!” Gwen coaxed.
“Gwen!” Tosh scolded.
“Well, they need help!”
Tosh got the remotes back off them and skipped expertly to the credits.
Jack scooted over and sat directly in front of the TV. The rest of team crowed around behind him.
“Lead tenor”, Jack followed the credits down, “Pause!”
Tosh paused it and they followed the line across.
“Lead tenor…John Barrowman”, Ianto read, “Not Jack Harkness”.
“But that’s me!” Jack exclaimed.
The team looked at him.
“It’s just someone who looks a lot like you”, Gwen soothed.
“But that grin”, Ianto pointed out.
“So he’s got the same smile”, Owen sighed, “Play the damn movie!”
Jack stood up, “You can keep watching I’m gonna go to the toilet”.
He disappeared in the direction of his office not the bathrooms.
They finished watching the movie minus Jack.
“What one do you want to watch next?” Tosh asked.
Everyone started arguing about the next movie.
“I think I’ll go see what Jack wants to watch”, Ianto said slowly, he looked at Gwen and gestured to Jack’s office with his head.
She nodded and followed him, happy to get away from Tosh and Owen arguing.
They entered his office to see Jack staring intently at his computer.
“Jack?” Ianto called softly.
Jack looked up startled but gestured for them to join him.
They wandered over and looked at the computer screen.
Footage of John Barrowman from The Producers played.
“Look carefully”, Jack urged.
Ianto and Gwen shared a glance before watching the singer.
“His singing’s identical to mine”, Jack pointed out.
“Oh, Jack-“.
“Wait!” Jack clicked quickly on the computer, “I downloaded his bio”.
“John Barrowman” Jack read, “was born March 11, 1967, in Glasgow, Scotland. His family moved to Joliet, Illinois when he was 8”.
“Alright”, Gwen began but was cut off.
”There’s more”, Jack shushed her, “After graduating from United States International University, he returned to the UK to study Shakespeare at London University. While studying there, he attended an open casting call for ‘Anything Goes’. They needed an actor who could not only act and sing, but also do an American accent. He got the role, and hasn't looked back since”
”He has since appeared on stage both in the UK and the US, in shows including "Miss Saigon," "Beauty and the Beast," "Evita," "Hair," "Sunset Boulevard," and "A Few Good Men’.”
”His film roles include De Lovely, in which he performed a duet with Kevin Kline and Mel Brook's remake of the Producers”.
“Are you done?” Ianto asked cautiously.
“He’s also married”, Jack finished.
“Married?” Gwen frowned, “I thought he was gay?”
“He had a joining ceremony with his partner Scott Gill in December 2006. They went out for 16 years”.
Gwen and Ianto smiled at each other.
“Are you OK?” Ianto asked.
“Fine”, Jack said cheerfully, “Let’s watch another movie. I wanna see Johnny Depp!”
He marched from the room and Gwen sighed, “He’s not OK, is he?”
“No he’s not”, Ianto confirmed.
“Do you think he’ll start stalking John Barrowman?”, Gwen asked.
Ianto gave her a look, “I don’t think he’d stoop that low”.
“John lives in London”, Gwen pointed out.
“I’ll put a tracker on Jack”.
---
The movies finished (excluding the O.C) and everyone was ready to go home.
“Night!” Tosh waved and ducked out the entrance, bag clutched in hand and blanket still draped across her shoulders.
“Coming, Gwen?” Owen called from the door, The O.C box tucked happily under his arm.
Gwen looked quickly at Jack and Ianto.
She hugged Jack quickly.
“Sleep”, she ordered.
He nodded absently.
She turned to Ianto and surprisingly hugged him.
“Got the tracker yet?” she whispered.
“I’ll put it on him tonight”, he whispered back.
“Don’t give me the details”, Gwen wrinkled her nose.
Gwen and Owen left, leaving Jack and Ianto alone in the hub.
“Come on”, Ianto grabbed Jack’s hand, “I’m tired”.
---
Ianto awoke the next morning to the sounds of banging and swearing.
He groaned and got up, putting his suit on quickly he started up the ladder and popped out into Jack’s office.
Owen stood at his workstation, bashing his computer with a metal pipe.
“Morning, tea boy”, he called out cheerfully before going back to hitting the computer.
Tosh rolled her eyes, “I wished you’d just let me fix it. Hey, ‘Yan”.
Ianto smiled, “Morning. I think coffee is desperately needed”.
“If you don’t mind that would be great”, Tosh smiled, rubbing her eyes.
Ianto made his way up to the coffee machine. He started brewing a pot when the main door rolled away and in walked Gwen.
“Morning”, she called out over the Hub.
“Morning”, Tosh and Owen answered.
“Morning Gwen”, Ianto called down, “Coffee?”
“Yes, please”, she grinned.
She settled down at her workstation and started her computer. She watched as Owen continued beating his up while whistling happily.
“Why don’t you just let Tosh fix it?” she suggested.
“Thank you!” Tosh sighed.
“I will not let technology win”, he grinned.
“What would Jack say?” Gwen sighed, “Hey, Ianto? Where’s Jack?”
Ianto gasped and dropped the coffee mug he was currently holding.
“Fuck!” he ran down the stairs two at a time, “I didn’t put the tracker on him!”
Gwen’s eyes widened, “He’s not here?”
“No! I only woke up a little while ago”, Ianto bit his lip.
“What’s wrong?” Tosh asked with a frown.
“Jack’s taken an interest in John Barrowman, you know the look-alike?”
Tosh and Owen nodded.
“Well”, Gwen wrung her hands, “he found out where he lives”.
“And?” Owen asked.
“London”.
“And you didn’t put a tracker on him!” Tosh exclaimed.
“Put a tracker on who?”
Everyone looked up as Jack entered. There was a pause and the team stared at their boss in shock. As usual Owen broke the silence.
“Oh. My. God!” he laughed, “You’re blonde!”
Jack had dyed his hair a sandy blonde.
“Jack!” Ianto exclaimed.
“What?” Jack asked innocently, “I got sick of being a brunette”.
“Jack-Jack”, Ianto stuttered, “You dyed your hair?”.
Jack grinned, “Yup! I was thinking of getting a pair of lederhosen too”.
Ianto shook his head, “This isn’t you, Jack”.
“Of course it is!” Jack laughed, making his way to his office, “By the way, I’ve got a business meeting in London on Thursday”.
“London!” Tosh exclaimed.
She hurried to her desk and came back with a small device, “I don’t care what it takes, get this on him somehow”.
Ianto took the tracker and sighed, “Oh, goody; shag time”.
“And that’s our cue to leave”, Owen said loudly, he grabbed his jacket and practically ran for the door.
Gwen and Tosh gave him sympathetic looks.
“Good luck”, Gwen said, before following Tosh and Owen.
Ianto sighed and stood in a near empty Hub. The only sound that could be heard was Jack’s typing on the computer.
Ianto sighed again and started for Jack’s office.
“Oh, Ja-ck!”