(no subject)

[emptybrowneyes]

Today was Steves funeral, and he would have fucking hated it. I was going to have a hotel party and stuff for my birthday but i am not in the party mood, i dont think i will be for a while. I went to the funeral with kate but i was pretty much with chris the whole time, and chris i dont know if you still read my journal but i would like to thank you so much for the support you gave me today. I know i was not very close to him but i still care for him and love him very much. i just cant stop thinking about the way he looked in his casket. just laying there so stiff and lifeless, i walked up to the casket with chris and i had to lean on him because i was crying so hard, i dont know why but just seeing him there, just his body not him just made me want to curl up in the corner by myself and just cry and cry. i would like to thank ali too. even after all the fucked up shit i have done to him he was still nice to me and lent me his sholder to cry on, and that meant alot to me. also thanks to lisa, tiffany, andrew, kate and everyone who let me lean on them today, i wouldnt have made it through the funeral. I dont think i can write much more, my head feels like its filled with lead.

Oh and to the man who had the nerve to turn stevens funeral, i have two words to say to you... FUCK YOU! We went to that church to say goodbye to a friend, not to get fucking saved by jesus. That was steves time, not yours and you had no fucking right to do that. You have no fucking tact.

21 hours and 40 minutes to my birthday, happy birthday to me.

I miss you steve, i will never forget you, and i will make sure noone else does.

love always,

Charlotte Rose Misewicz