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i think i finally figured out why i'm so moody. it's because after meetimg my sister, i THOUGHT i would be a different person, and i was really hpoing to just click with her. but i didn't. i think that really affected me, and something wierd is happening and i really didnt enjoy that trip. i dont know what it was, and i feel really bad, because it was expensive, but i really dont know if i like her anymore. i used to, but its relaly upsetting me. that's the reason why i've been so moody lately. i apologize. and everything's normal with church now. however, im reverting back to the theory that boys don't like me. they really don't, and if they do happen to like me for a day, i scare them away. its really upsetting. sometimes i wish i could move really far away like to california like my mom thought about doing a few years ago. i guess i can't just run away. that's the worst feeling...how you want to get away so badly, but you can't. i guess thats why people cut their wrists...i wont though. i dont know what to do. i need to go back to my mullet shrink. she was nice. my cousin talks to her, so im sure i could too. my life wouldnt be too different from anyone else's that shes heard of. oh i hope im not crazy, but im feeling the way i did at the beginning of the year. i think i had a chemical imbalance then. im sure i still do, and im sure it runs in my irish family with a bunch of alcoholics. oh how i wish i could run away, and leave all of my recent memories of the past 2 days and my past life with boys not liking me behind. if only that were possible...