(no subject)
ok, so tonight, we went to city place. i am so frustrated right now. i feel like i have absolutely no control in my life. everything just makes me want to break down or something. this week could possibly be compared to the first weeks of school. they were very frustrating. except this time around, i have friends.
so, you really like a person, but youre not sure if its all mutual. it seemed to be 2 weeks ago, but not anymore. two weeks ago, everythign was amazing. everything was talked about, and everything was mutual. two weeks ago, i considered my life to be at its peak. i guess you could call it a mountain. well, at the top of the mountain, theres a cliff. once you get to a cliff, you try and hold on as long as you can, btu eventually, you fall. you'll hit a few branches on the way down to break your fall, but you still fall. friends are kinda like the branches in life when youre falling. boys are kinda like the cliff. you feel so high, but little do you know, you're about to be pushed off. this week was so frustrating. "the door doesn't swing both ways." i try to be understanding. everyone has other obligations and other things to do. everyone has that, and most people can do that, and then some. other are completely incapable of answering the phone and calling someone of (hopefully) significance based on their own will. however, the person that forgot to answer the phone is the same person that told the caller to call them. they needed to study for a history test. they also needed to do a biology project, yet they cant bring themselves to pick up the phone and call the person that has gone out of their way to study with them and let them into their group! ahh. i dont know what to do. theres obviously another side to the story, but its becoming more and more prevalent that someone doesnt want it to work out, as much as i want it to. i keep trying to make up all of these excuses, but none of them really seem to apply. i honestly have no idea what to do. someone help me please. i have no rational thought on this anymore. i do not know what to do. i wanna go back to the days where everything was solved by eenie-meenie-minie-moe. i want everything to be as easy to fix as a scratched knee, because i fell on the playground. im at a loss for words, for something as indescribable as this. im trying to be as understanding as possible. im trying to find the lesson in this. i am trying to show responsibility for my actions. i got myself into this, now i need to get myself out of it. im trying to be a big girl, out on the playground, but this time, ive done more than fall on the ground. i've been stupid. i've let myself be too vulnerable too soon. i let my guard down, although it was never really up. i finally fall for someone, but when i fall, there was nothing to catch me. when you fall, you just get hurt. i'm not necesarily hurt, but i cant figure out the logic behind this mess. the only band-aid i can find is all of the excuses that i make up. hard to get isnt so fun once they get you. they just lose interest. just to emphasize this, i've lost all rational thought. i think i should go to sleep. maybe that will calm me. if not, it will allow me to stop thinking about things for about ten hours. and everyone needs a break like that.
i tried to be rational.
i tried to be mellow.
i tried to do the right thing.
i tried to live up to expectations.
i tried to please everyone.
i tried to be classy.
i tried to act like it didnt matter.
i tried to act like it wasnt a big deal.
i tried to hide my feelings.
i tried to do it all.
But i failed.
i tried with all i had.
nothing i tried worked in the end.
so, you really like a person, but youre not sure if its all mutual. it seemed to be 2 weeks ago, but not anymore. two weeks ago, everythign was amazing. everything was talked about, and everything was mutual. two weeks ago, i considered my life to be at its peak. i guess you could call it a mountain. well, at the top of the mountain, theres a cliff. once you get to a cliff, you try and hold on as long as you can, btu eventually, you fall. you'll hit a few branches on the way down to break your fall, but you still fall. friends are kinda like the branches in life when youre falling. boys are kinda like the cliff. you feel so high, but little do you know, you're about to be pushed off. this week was so frustrating. "the door doesn't swing both ways." i try to be understanding. everyone has other obligations and other things to do. everyone has that, and most people can do that, and then some. other are completely incapable of answering the phone and calling someone of (hopefully) significance based on their own will. however, the person that forgot to answer the phone is the same person that told the caller to call them. they needed to study for a history test. they also needed to do a biology project, yet they cant bring themselves to pick up the phone and call the person that has gone out of their way to study with them and let them into their group! ahh. i dont know what to do. theres obviously another side to the story, but its becoming more and more prevalent that someone doesnt want it to work out, as much as i want it to. i keep trying to make up all of these excuses, but none of them really seem to apply. i honestly have no idea what to do. someone help me please. i have no rational thought on this anymore. i do not know what to do. i wanna go back to the days where everything was solved by eenie-meenie-minie-moe. i want everything to be as easy to fix as a scratched knee, because i fell on the playground. im at a loss for words, for something as indescribable as this. im trying to be as understanding as possible. im trying to find the lesson in this. i am trying to show responsibility for my actions. i got myself into this, now i need to get myself out of it. im trying to be a big girl, out on the playground, but this time, ive done more than fall on the ground. i've been stupid. i've let myself be too vulnerable too soon. i let my guard down, although it was never really up. i finally fall for someone, but when i fall, there was nothing to catch me. when you fall, you just get hurt. i'm not necesarily hurt, but i cant figure out the logic behind this mess. the only band-aid i can find is all of the excuses that i make up. hard to get isnt so fun once they get you. they just lose interest. just to emphasize this, i've lost all rational thought. i think i should go to sleep. maybe that will calm me. if not, it will allow me to stop thinking about things for about ten hours. and everyone needs a break like that.
i tried to be rational.
i tried to be mellow.
i tried to do the right thing.
i tried to live up to expectations.
i tried to please everyone.
i tried to be classy.
i tried to act like it didnt matter.
i tried to act like it wasnt a big deal.
i tried to hide my feelings.
i tried to do it all.
But i failed.
i tried with all i had.
nothing i tried worked in the end.