Wicked
Currently afraid of:
Things a 40 year old would think about
Currently grateful for:
Things a 20 year old ought to think about
Currently pissed off about:
Things no one should have to think about
Random thoughts:
So I spent most of the day proofreading fan fics for a friend of mine. She lives up in Boston and, truth be told, yes they were largely lemon slash fics, even though they had bits of het in 'em. If you don't know what I'm talking about, wiki it or something. I still don't understand why the hell women are so fascinated and interested in that kind of thing, but that's a topic for another day.
The bulk of her work was based in the Lord of the Rings universe, with a very small few of the Harry Potter persuasion that I... begrudgingly sat through.
But anyway, there was one central thread that ran through all of her LotR plots. Basically the theme was the concept of rebirth through the sacrifice of others. It's kind of hard to explain, and to be honest I think it fits in with the actual lore of LotR, but hear me out. As flawed as it might be in its placement in Middle Earth, it made for some truly inspiring storylines.
What would happen is an elf would be mortally wounded, or in one special case, sexually assaulted. Rape was explained as being as bad as a mortal wound because elves are such a proud race that being forced against their will in such a way effectively killed their desire to live. Yeah, this is another point to argue, but just it for what it's worth. In the event of either of these circumstances, it's then possible to save the elf's life by binding the life force of another to the elf's, creating a veritable spiritual life support system for the elf. The catch is that the lives of the two participants are then invariably linked in all conceivable aspects. When one feels fear, they both are fearful. When one hurts, they both hurt. When one laughs, they both laugh. And when one dies.... they both die.
And of course, since their lives and indeed their thoughts are so closely tied, they end up becoming drawn together romantically as well... even if it's not what they'd initially want. This coupling is so sacred that the elf will die if their monogamy is breached. Not only that, but being separated also causes both individuals immense physical pain and torture. This bond is intense and integral to the way the elf now lives his or her life. Indeed, imagine the perspective of the saved elf. How would you feel if you found out after waking up that you were now eternally bound to someone that you didn't love? How would you deal with the prospect that you eventually would love them, regardless? Or what if you were the one that saved them? If you were another elf, would your desire to save your kin be great enough to sacrifice a love that you are already nursing? Or worse, what if you were a mortal human? If you bind yourself to an elf, you make them mortal too... would you still go through with it?
In her stories, the first pairing made was Haldir and Eowyn. This one was fairly obvious in its ramifications. How would the people of Rohan accept an elf as a prince? How would Eowyn manage the feelings she still has for Aragorn? And Haldir, how would this elf, thousands of years old, handle his newfound mortality?
But this next one was a bit more provocative... Haldir and Eomer. Eomer arrived late in the battle at Helm's Deep with Gandalf and witnessed Haldir's death (actually he didn't, but for the sake of her fic, he did), and after finding out from Legolas that he could still be saved, he jumped at the chance to save a fellow commander, seeing how little of the elven archers were left and how much they needed their leader. He could sympathize, having his own warriors under his command. But his good sentiments stopped there; old sentiments of mistrust and prejudice were still present because Haldir was still an elf and he was still a human. Still bereft at the losses that Rohan itself had incurred, he pushed Legolas to perform the ritual that would bind him and Haldir, ignoring the warnings on what it would mean in the long run. So the deed was done, and the side effects of the act were immediately, starkly realized when Eomer tried to leave Haldir's bedside to aid the other wounded, only to be wracked with searing pain. Thus began his bedside vigil while Haldir began his slow recovery.
So yeah... just imagine all the questions I had brought up before, and consider the circumstances here. Eomer is the heir to the throne of Rohan, and second in command of its army, which is about to march to Gondor. Both of these roles are thrown into jeopardy because he won't be able to produce an heir once he assumes the throne, since it would violate the bond he now shares with Haldir, and he also won't be able to help his people at Gondor, since he needs to stay with Haldir while he heals. The laundry list of conflicts continues: Haldir is now mortal, how would the people of Rohan accept a virtually gay king and his elf companion, the human/elf prejudices that still exist, but most importantly, how they themselves deal with the prospects of their future.
I'm starting to ramble.
I suppose this is the kind of thing you have to read to actually understand the emotional depth of it. Every single one of the pairings she made were so... touching. From Aragorn and Legolas, to Arwen and Boromir, to Faramir and Legolas (again), and of course, my fave, Haldir and Eomer. Each story begins with such immense feelings of loss and despair, and ends with so much hope and eternal love, as the couples succumbed to the magicks of their bounded matrimony and relinquished themselves to each other fully.
Yeah, yeah. Irrational, immature, unfounded. The same words came into my head when thought of how to describe the emotions evoked by these fics.
But still, all the same... it's still the kind of thing that tugs at your heart strings when you start to think about it.
And true, this kind of thing is something you'd only read about in fiction... but that doesn't mean one can't hold out hope for something like it right?
Maybe not the whole system of near-death experiences and such, but just the end result of it all: unconditional surrender of yourself and all your faults to someone else, regardless of what you may have thought of love as, and regardless of what anyone else or anything else has to say about it.
I'm quite aware that I probably made no sense during this entire tirade. Just let me have this moment.
Currently Listening: Azure Ray - "Displaced"