still i won't give up on you.
yeah i haven't updated in a few days. well wednesday and thursday were
both snowdays which was awesome. i got up around 11 on wednesday and
went to britt's. we ordered pizza and watched movies and stuff. we
would have gone to sterling but our parents don't like us. so then
thursday, i wasn't going to school anyways.
i had my grandmas wake. going to that was extremely hard for me because just a week ago i was talking to her and she had so much more life in her. then the night before she died she was in so much pain. i just can't believe how a few days can change that much. i feel like crap knowing the last time i saw her there were people in the nursing home who had the flu so i wouldn't go in since i didn't want to get sick so i sat outside for an hour. i just wish so much i had gone inside and talked to her. anyway, so there were people there to see her from 2-5 and then 7-9. i went to both and saw a lot of my cousins. then i went to the hotel for the night. the next morning we got breakfast at a diner and then went back to the funeral home. they did the closing of the casket and then everyone went up to say their last words to her. a limo brought the intermediate family (includes me) to the church. the openning song was a song my grandma always made me listen to when she was home or sick and that really got to me because it brought back a lot of memories. I openned the mass with a reading and then read something that i really couldn't handle reading, but i dont want to go into detail about that. the limo brought us to long island where my grandma requested to be buried, next to my grandpa who had died about 30 years ago from skin cancer, the same way my grandma died. i felt so empty just knowing that i'm never going to see her again, or hear her talk to me, or look at me and always be so positive and always be as brave as she was. she never thought of herself and did everything for everyone else. even in her last minutes of being alive she asked the nurse to give her granddaughter (me) her wedding ring to rememeber her by. she called me and asked me if i was okay, meanwhile shes the one with all the pain inside of her, and thats when i knew she wanted this. for over a year shes been praying to go to sleep and not wake up, and thats exactly what happened. i just know i'm always going to miss her.
and bryan cassidy, your probably the only person that has really helped me and made me realize a lot of things. im always going to miss her but i have to accept that shes gone because its part of life. you've made me feel a lot better knowing i have someone i can really talk to about this since you've gone through this too and who wont just say im sorry but will actully sit there and try to make me feel better. i love you.
kait
i had my grandmas wake. going to that was extremely hard for me because just a week ago i was talking to her and she had so much more life in her. then the night before she died she was in so much pain. i just can't believe how a few days can change that much. i feel like crap knowing the last time i saw her there were people in the nursing home who had the flu so i wouldn't go in since i didn't want to get sick so i sat outside for an hour. i just wish so much i had gone inside and talked to her. anyway, so there were people there to see her from 2-5 and then 7-9. i went to both and saw a lot of my cousins. then i went to the hotel for the night. the next morning we got breakfast at a diner and then went back to the funeral home. they did the closing of the casket and then everyone went up to say their last words to her. a limo brought the intermediate family (includes me) to the church. the openning song was a song my grandma always made me listen to when she was home or sick and that really got to me because it brought back a lot of memories. I openned the mass with a reading and then read something that i really couldn't handle reading, but i dont want to go into detail about that. the limo brought us to long island where my grandma requested to be buried, next to my grandpa who had died about 30 years ago from skin cancer, the same way my grandma died. i felt so empty just knowing that i'm never going to see her again, or hear her talk to me, or look at me and always be so positive and always be as brave as she was. she never thought of herself and did everything for everyone else. even in her last minutes of being alive she asked the nurse to give her granddaughter (me) her wedding ring to rememeber her by. she called me and asked me if i was okay, meanwhile shes the one with all the pain inside of her, and thats when i knew she wanted this. for over a year shes been praying to go to sleep and not wake up, and thats exactly what happened. i just know i'm always going to miss her.
and bryan cassidy, your probably the only person that has really helped me and made me realize a lot of things. im always going to miss her but i have to accept that shes gone because its part of life. you've made me feel a lot better knowing i have someone i can really talk to about this since you've gone through this too and who wont just say im sorry but will actully sit there and try to make me feel better. i love you.
kait