OPERATOR GIVE ME BEIJING-JING-JING-JING

[empressofstars]

The hard thing about college is that everyonneeee is stressed at the same time. I need massive amounts of support right now, and I can't ask my friends for that, because we are all going through the same thing, and that would be very unfair. I wish I could hold onto things with Haverboy. I wish I could lean on my friends to help me get through this. I wish I had a close friend from home who I could rely on, because someone fromn a different environment would be very helpful. But I don't feel like any of that is happening or even would work. It's frustrating and hard. None of us have time to spare for other, or energy to spare for others. This is when I don't like living in a dorm. I wish I had a safehouse where I could just close myself off from the rest of the world, because right now I feel like I'm in a weird in-between. I have a lot of stress and negative emotions floating around. Hard hard. I don't know if I can even do this. I chose a non-competitive school and THANK GOODNESS, because if I were going somewhere more competitive I DEFINITELY couldn't do this. I am alone with my life as this huge daunting task. By the time I get through a day of classes and other responsibilities, I just want to relax, not do MORE WORK. But that's life, I guess, where the work is never done. I'm also in a very negative frame of mind, especially today, for multiple reasons. The stress certainly doesn't help with that. Sigh, I feel like I'm in a deep funk. In addition, I just don't want to be around PEOPLE. I just want the rest of the world todisappear and leave me alone for a while, and deal with me on my terms. If only that were possible. I am tired and terrified. I can do this, though. I will do it. It will happen, it will get done, it will be over in two weeks. And that's that. Bleh.

"So please be kind
If I'm a
mess"
~ Rufus Wainwright