Loss...

[empressjolie]

My sister's dad (he was my first stepdad) died last night. I don't know what happened. My mom and my sister have been in tears all day long. I want to cry, but I can't. I've known him since I was 3. I have about the same number of memories of him as I do of my own dad when I was really little. I just...I can't believe he's gone. He wasn't even 50. There just aren't even words for how awful this is for my family, for my sister in particular....for her kids who won't grow up knowing their grandfather. He wasn't a perfect man. In fact, he was incredibly flawed. But he had worked really hard to turn his life around and mend all those bridges he burned when I was growing up. I just don't even know how to begin saying goodbye without completely falling to pieces.

And now I'm crying. Quietly, so as not to wake up John. It feels like I might never stop.