The Beginning and The End.
I promised to post some more of my poetry...so here goes.
These are both about one relationship.
It was one of the most intense relationships of my life, and it was one of the shortest. But the ripples from it just...lasted for years and years and I don't think I'd be the person I am today without them. But I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Would you like to dance?
To spin or twirl with me?
Or would you rather walk away…
Stepping back from the edge
Of the cliff
I want to leap from…
But doesn’t it look like fun?
From all the way up here?
We could fly with the birds…
Or float on the wind
I can see in your eyes
A question…
What about when we hit bottom?
What happens then?
Will we die?
Or live?
Why do you care?
I ask,
A glint in my eye…
It’s all about the jump, the dance
Not the landing or stopping…
Can’t you see the view?
Don’t you want to dance,
With me,
With the wind?
You smile a shy smile
I take your hand
We close our eyes
And we jump.
Soaring with the birds…
Floating on the air
Eyes now wide open
Taking in the beauty of the moment…
We fall fast and free
Only holding on to each other,
To the moment,
In the moment…
I remember being so deliriously happy. We both used to smile all the time. Like crazy people. I remember thinking, "This is it. This is the real thing. This is true love." God, I was sappy then.
I loved being independent and free. I didn't really crave being married or anything like that.
And when he kissed me...It was like burning alive from the inside out.
But the end...damn. That was...I can't even think of a word.
***
Don't you see how angry I am?
That I want you to bleed?
To feel my pain?
How is it that you seem so calm?
Where are all your tears now?
Or can I not see them because you've once again stuck your head in the sand?
I guess this is just how things are
Are gonna be from now on
I guess you've moved on
On from when you and I were a we
Must be nice
To let go so easily
I've begun to feel as though you never really held me at all
But I know that's not true
I can still remember vividly
The taste of your lips
The feel of your skin
The way it felt to only exist in your arms
And I'm sure that others
Merely on the outside looking in
Think we were just a fling
Something doomed from the start
That it didn't work out
Because we didn't belong together
Because you could never love a girl like me
Because I could never settle down, or be with a guy like you
Because we weren't meant to be
If only they knew
We were almost perfect
Almost too right
So picture perfect it petrified you
And so you left
Me
And now there is just Me
No longer We
And I hate that I feel so lost
That I miss you so much
That I can't just hold you
Or be held by you
Harshness fills me
I feel lost
Lonely
Why?
Why was it like this?
Why did we even find each other if it was simply going to end like this?
Because it is over
I can't see it any other way
Through my tears
That I never cry, but hold inside for a rainy day
When no one will notice
You might think I'm so strong
Because I am
I am also fragile, easily broken, delicate
Because I am
Can't you see that too?
Maybe
If you had stayed
But I wouldn't, couldn't ask that of you
I won't be Eve to your Adam
Can't
I feel awful as it is
Did I take something away from you?
Did you lose some of yourself inside me?
Do you feel different?
Do you think I changed you?
Don't you think you changed me?
The girl who would never settle down
With just one person
Didn't care to be
So I wasn't
A free spirit
Independent of any ties
That bind a man to a woman
Beginning to love you changed that
All of it
I was in no rush to leave, and move on to the next
You were special
To me
And I only wanted you
So I should have guessed
That you would leave
That you would run
Since I was finally willing to stay
***
I mean, Damn. He broke up with me via fucking email!
Then he had the nerve to be hurt when I moved on to someone new.
In the end I didn't want to lose one of my best friends, and maybe I thought we'd get back together someday.
He did that thing...that disappear, reappear thing for the next couple of years after we broke up.
But, later, when he told me he was gay, I was sure the relationship was over. Even then, I tried to be there for him...his whole family turned on him and I tried to still be his friend. But...I don't know. He didn't know how to my friend anymore I guess.
And when I told him I was engaged? He looked so hurt. Which I still don't really understand.
Haven't seen him since that day.
I hadn't thought about him in a long time...but posting these poems was like...not re-living it. But it was more like watching the emotions flash by on a screen in my brain.
Last, but not least
from the lovely sunny_vera
Ask me four questions. Any four, no matter what subject it covers. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
These are both about one relationship.
It was one of the most intense relationships of my life, and it was one of the shortest. But the ripples from it just...lasted for years and years and I don't think I'd be the person I am today without them. But I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Would you like to dance?
To spin or twirl with me?
Or would you rather walk away…
Stepping back from the edge
Of the cliff
I want to leap from…
But doesn’t it look like fun?
From all the way up here?
We could fly with the birds…
Or float on the wind
I can see in your eyes
A question…
What about when we hit bottom?
What happens then?
Will we die?
Or live?
Why do you care?
I ask,
A glint in my eye…
It’s all about the jump, the dance
Not the landing or stopping…
Can’t you see the view?
Don’t you want to dance,
With me,
With the wind?
You smile a shy smile
I take your hand
We close our eyes
And we jump.
Soaring with the birds…
Floating on the air
Eyes now wide open
Taking in the beauty of the moment…
We fall fast and free
Only holding on to each other,
To the moment,
In the moment…
I remember being so deliriously happy. We both used to smile all the time. Like crazy people. I remember thinking, "This is it. This is the real thing. This is true love." God, I was sappy then.
I loved being independent and free. I didn't really crave being married or anything like that.
And when he kissed me...It was like burning alive from the inside out.
But the end...damn. That was...I can't even think of a word.
***
Don't you see how angry I am?
That I want you to bleed?
To feel my pain?
How is it that you seem so calm?
Where are all your tears now?
Or can I not see them because you've once again stuck your head in the sand?
I guess this is just how things are
Are gonna be from now on
I guess you've moved on
On from when you and I were a we
Must be nice
To let go so easily
I've begun to feel as though you never really held me at all
But I know that's not true
I can still remember vividly
The taste of your lips
The feel of your skin
The way it felt to only exist in your arms
And I'm sure that others
Merely on the outside looking in
Think we were just a fling
Something doomed from the start
That it didn't work out
Because we didn't belong together
Because you could never love a girl like me
Because I could never settle down, or be with a guy like you
Because we weren't meant to be
If only they knew
We were almost perfect
Almost too right
So picture perfect it petrified you
And so you left
Me
And now there is just Me
No longer We
And I hate that I feel so lost
That I miss you so much
That I can't just hold you
Or be held by you
Harshness fills me
I feel lost
Lonely
Why?
Why was it like this?
Why did we even find each other if it was simply going to end like this?
Because it is over
I can't see it any other way
Through my tears
That I never cry, but hold inside for a rainy day
When no one will notice
You might think I'm so strong
Because I am
I am also fragile, easily broken, delicate
Because I am
Can't you see that too?
Maybe
If you had stayed
But I wouldn't, couldn't ask that of you
I won't be Eve to your Adam
Can't
I feel awful as it is
Did I take something away from you?
Did you lose some of yourself inside me?
Do you feel different?
Do you think I changed you?
Don't you think you changed me?
The girl who would never settle down
With just one person
Didn't care to be
So I wasn't
A free spirit
Independent of any ties
That bind a man to a woman
Beginning to love you changed that
All of it
I was in no rush to leave, and move on to the next
You were special
To me
And I only wanted you
So I should have guessed
That you would leave
That you would run
Since I was finally willing to stay
***
I mean, Damn. He broke up with me via fucking email!
Then he had the nerve to be hurt when I moved on to someone new.
In the end I didn't want to lose one of my best friends, and maybe I thought we'd get back together someday.
He did that thing...that disappear, reappear thing for the next couple of years after we broke up.
But, later, when he told me he was gay, I was sure the relationship was over. Even then, I tried to be there for him...his whole family turned on him and I tried to still be his friend. But...I don't know. He didn't know how to my friend anymore I guess.
And when I told him I was engaged? He looked so hurt. Which I still don't really understand.
Haven't seen him since that day.
I hadn't thought about him in a long time...but posting these poems was like...not re-living it. But it was more like watching the emotions flash by on a screen in my brain.
Last, but not least
from the lovely sunny_vera
Ask me four questions. Any four, no matter what subject it covers. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.