Rating Media 8
I was browsing Netflix and saw that one of the movies that was made while I worked for Media 8 Entertainment is now available on DVD. MAN ABOUT TOWN, the sophomore effort from writer/director Mike Binder, was greenlit for mysterious reasons no one seems to remember. Binder's first movie, the excellent UPSIDE OF ANGER struck a perfect mix of comedy and drama, where as I can remember reading the MAN ABOUT TOWN script and thinking "Why do I care about this movie? Who the F said we should make this piece of crap?" I checked out some of the other Netflix ratings people have left and reproduce the best of them for you here after the cut:
"It's not a very compelling or original script but Affleck's performance kept me interested. I can't figure out the attraction to Romijn. She's very attractive but is a terrible actress. Perhaps gratuitous nudity would help." [Yes, that would have helped the movie considerably!]
"I can only recommend for the 'you won't believe your eyes' sensation that you're sure to feel while watching it. Telling viewers to watch it for any other reason would just be mean."
"I can't put my finger on it but it just didn't quite work for me. There was nothing particularly interesting about this movie." [Despite his lukewarm review, this guy still gave it three stars, which is the equivalent of "Liked It" on Netflix]
"This movie was a waste of two hours of my life! I would rather watch Barney or Mr. Rogers, the music would have been bettter and plot would have been more intellegently [sic] crafted." [Ooh, burn!]
"I kept waiting for something to happen and it never did."
"Boring, it was like watching a hallucination. Affleck has made some stinkers, and this is one of them."
"I don't understand how they even release a movie for home rental after viewing it. They had to know it was not good." [Believe me, we DID know it was not good when we made it, but we had to make money somehow, and pawned it off onto Sony! Muahahah.]
"Slept through most of it."
"Terribly boring-lost time and it is hard to understand how Ben could devote himself to such a mediocre movie." [I know how Ben could devote himself to such a mediocre movie, one word: GIGLI!]
"I wasn't able to watch this movie. Disc kept skipping and stalling. Would like you to send me another one." [Well at least they want another one!]
Inspired, I decided to check out another one of our super stinkers, HAVOC. This yielded some awesome gems.
"OK Here's the review: Anne Hathaway's beautiful face (and other various body parts) get 10 stars. The rest of the movie (plot, script, acting, direction, etc.) get zero stars. After applying the quadratic equation and Pythagoras theorem, that evens out to about 2 stars for the movie (trust me on the math). Bottom line: If you want to see Anne Hathaway half nekked, rent it. If you are interested in anything but T&A about a movie, rent someting [sic] else." [Hmm, carry the 1, FOIL, ah yes, 2 stars!]
"The one and only saving grace of this film, is Anne Hathaway's boobs which get a starring role in this movie."
"If you like bad movies, I mean horrendously bad trash. The kind that would make John Waters himself turn up his nose. HAVOC is a gem." [Wow, if John Waters would turn up his nose that means it's REALLY bad!]
"When the two girls get Crack and they don't know how to use it - that is exactly the message of this movie. They are in way over their heads." [Don't do Crack kids, you might end up writing a crappy movie.]
"Daniella picked this movie. I watched the movie because I love her. She made me watch it because she hates me." [I hope that you and Daniella are still together, despite her terrible taste in movies!]
"Except for some great shots of Hathaway boobs this movie blows. I would recommend you just ffwd to the boob part and then send it back." [Honestly, I didn't even think her boobs were that great.]
"This is a stupid, stupid movie. However, its redeeming grace is the spectacular starring performance by Anne Hathaway's boobies. It also features a very moving performance by Bijou Phillips' boobies in a supporting role. I smell Oscar! No, seriously, tell Oscar to take a shower. I can smell that dirty scumbag from here." [I know there has been a lot of talk about Anne's topless scenes, but these comments are just too funny to skip.]
"There is a reason this went straight to video. It is an embarrassment to all involved." [Ladies and gentlemen, my former boss, Stewart Hall!!!! *Applause*]
"I wish zero stars were possible because this might be the worst film ever made. To call it a film is actually an insult to the industry."
Man, if you thought the movie was crappy while watching it, you should have been around while we were making it! Actually HAVOC is kind of so bad it's funny, so I would recommend it over MAN ABOUT TOWN. Good thing I got my unrated copy for free from Media 8!
"It's not a very compelling or original script but Affleck's performance kept me interested. I can't figure out the attraction to Romijn. She's very attractive but is a terrible actress. Perhaps gratuitous nudity would help." [Yes, that would have helped the movie considerably!]
"I can only recommend for the 'you won't believe your eyes' sensation that you're sure to feel while watching it. Telling viewers to watch it for any other reason would just be mean."
"I can't put my finger on it but it just didn't quite work for me. There was nothing particularly interesting about this movie." [Despite his lukewarm review, this guy still gave it three stars, which is the equivalent of "Liked It" on Netflix]
"This movie was a waste of two hours of my life! I would rather watch Barney or Mr. Rogers, the music would have been bettter and plot would have been more intellegently [sic] crafted." [Ooh, burn!]
"I kept waiting for something to happen and it never did."
"Boring, it was like watching a hallucination. Affleck has made some stinkers, and this is one of them."
"I don't understand how they even release a movie for home rental after viewing it. They had to know it was not good." [Believe me, we DID know it was not good when we made it, but we had to make money somehow, and pawned it off onto Sony! Muahahah.]
"Slept through most of it."
"Terribly boring-lost time and it is hard to understand how Ben could devote himself to such a mediocre movie." [I know how Ben could devote himself to such a mediocre movie, one word: GIGLI!]
"I wasn't able to watch this movie. Disc kept skipping and stalling. Would like you to send me another one." [Well at least they want another one!]
Inspired, I decided to check out another one of our super stinkers, HAVOC. This yielded some awesome gems.
"OK Here's the review: Anne Hathaway's beautiful face (and other various body parts) get 10 stars. The rest of the movie (plot, script, acting, direction, etc.) get zero stars. After applying the quadratic equation and Pythagoras theorem, that evens out to about 2 stars for the movie (trust me on the math). Bottom line: If you want to see Anne Hathaway half nekked, rent it. If you are interested in anything but T&A about a movie, rent someting [sic] else." [Hmm, carry the 1, FOIL, ah yes, 2 stars!]
"The one and only saving grace of this film, is Anne Hathaway's boobs which get a starring role in this movie."
"If you like bad movies, I mean horrendously bad trash. The kind that would make John Waters himself turn up his nose. HAVOC is a gem." [Wow, if John Waters would turn up his nose that means it's REALLY bad!]
"When the two girls get Crack and they don't know how to use it - that is exactly the message of this movie. They are in way over their heads." [Don't do Crack kids, you might end up writing a crappy movie.]
"Daniella picked this movie. I watched the movie because I love her. She made me watch it because she hates me." [I hope that you and Daniella are still together, despite her terrible taste in movies!]
"Except for some great shots of Hathaway boobs this movie blows. I would recommend you just ffwd to the boob part and then send it back." [Honestly, I didn't even think her boobs were that great.]
"This is a stupid, stupid movie. However, its redeeming grace is the spectacular starring performance by Anne Hathaway's boobies. It also features a very moving performance by Bijou Phillips' boobies in a supporting role. I smell Oscar! No, seriously, tell Oscar to take a shower. I can smell that dirty scumbag from here." [I know there has been a lot of talk about Anne's topless scenes, but these comments are just too funny to skip.]
"There is a reason this went straight to video. It is an embarrassment to all involved." [Ladies and gentlemen, my former boss, Stewart Hall!!!! *Applause*]
"I wish zero stars were possible because this might be the worst film ever made. To call it a film is actually an insult to the industry."
Man, if you thought the movie was crappy while watching it, you should have been around while we were making it! Actually HAVOC is kind of so bad it's funny, so I would recommend it over MAN ABOUT TOWN. Good thing I got my unrated copy for free from Media 8!