well...

[empress_rai]

well... I guess things are still a little better. I have just been a bit sad lately.... lonely. Missing him. I talked to him on the phone yesterday. It was fine, because it wasn't much. I caught myself being short with him. really, what... I was trying to get off the phone, before I lost it, before I got too lonely about not being able to see him. Talked to him today and I cried. I was just... upset. In a bad mood for a lot of reasons that weren't really helped when all I could think was "I'm so lonely" and then I got that pout in my voice and try as I might to hide it, of course he heard it. I am thinking, of course, that going out any time soon for dinner would be a bad idea...

but at the rate I'm going, when will it ever not?

I hear lines in my head like a movie all the time. Today it was "I just miss you. But... I shouldn't have called. If I called you every time I missed you... we'd never get off the phone."

I'm trying so hard not to be desperate and pathetic anymore. Why can't I just succeed?