(no subject)
Today's been a pretty good day. Maybe it's because I'm writing letters and few things make me happier than writing letters. It's a pity I don't do it more often :P Maybe I should.
I really do want to go to Nantucket someday.
It was one of those days where I was forced to look around and just think that these moments, good and bad, this campus, this air, everything, are things that I have taken for granted in the security of the past few years and in a little more than a month, these moments and this atmosphere will forever disappear into memory. How I treasure these memories already and I am still here.
I am remembering South Africa. Perhaps I should say that I am finally letting myself remember South Africa. There is something frightening about it because one can only remember most of a young lifetime so much before most of the worth of a lifetime seems forgotten to random inclinations of time. Moments seem so vague and fleeting that I question if they happened at all, but of course I know that they did. I know that I lived there, and I know the feelings that I felt, but those things seem now such a distant memory that I wonder if my brief presence there means anything at all. What is memory after all? I believe that I was writing a thesis on that question, and the meaning of identity in memory. Does memory matter or just the emotions left behind. Whatever the case, I hope that I can remember Mount Holyoke for all that it is and has been, the good, the bad, the growth, the return to kidishness :P
I need to touch and feel a South African flag again, to fold it up, to hang it up, to be able to see those six proud colors hung up. Lucky for me that the 'flags of the world' store was having a sale and ZA was one of the ones on sale :P
What is China but another place to run away to? I'm not particularly in love with it in any way that the others I've met on my Chinese study journey possess. I also know that for me, China is not that cold-hearted practicality that those finance majors flock to (and yet I'm sure some of them are also quite taken with it). China is a convenient place to run to. It is not so far away from what I know, but far enough away that it is a challenge and a new place to understand. 'As good a place as any' I keep saying but what does that make me sound like? I have godparents there, and many friends. It's strange to be connected to the one place that you know that six years ago was the most unlikely option, but hey...that's life though huh? Am I lying when I say 'As good a place as any?' What am I trying to prove. Heh, especially when people see me and expect me to have a fascination for this place and some natural understanding of it. We all know that they could not be more incorrect. Asia is my dark continent, and China is no exception. Coming this far in understanding and struggling through my personal vices and prejudices has been difficult. I still wonder if that place will gobble me up. Maybe it will and I won't even know it.
Tomorrow will have to be a productive day for me as I try to become excited about my Medieval to Commonwealth paper. It's analyzing poetry :S shiiiiite.
Also of course, looking forward to eccentric_hat's Senior Sermon :D
I really do want to go to Nantucket someday.
It was one of those days where I was forced to look around and just think that these moments, good and bad, this campus, this air, everything, are things that I have taken for granted in the security of the past few years and in a little more than a month, these moments and this atmosphere will forever disappear into memory. How I treasure these memories already and I am still here.
I am remembering South Africa. Perhaps I should say that I am finally letting myself remember South Africa. There is something frightening about it because one can only remember most of a young lifetime so much before most of the worth of a lifetime seems forgotten to random inclinations of time. Moments seem so vague and fleeting that I question if they happened at all, but of course I know that they did. I know that I lived there, and I know the feelings that I felt, but those things seem now such a distant memory that I wonder if my brief presence there means anything at all. What is memory after all? I believe that I was writing a thesis on that question, and the meaning of identity in memory. Does memory matter or just the emotions left behind. Whatever the case, I hope that I can remember Mount Holyoke for all that it is and has been, the good, the bad, the growth, the return to kidishness :P
I need to touch and feel a South African flag again, to fold it up, to hang it up, to be able to see those six proud colors hung up. Lucky for me that the 'flags of the world' store was having a sale and ZA was one of the ones on sale :P
What is China but another place to run away to? I'm not particularly in love with it in any way that the others I've met on my Chinese study journey possess. I also know that for me, China is not that cold-hearted practicality that those finance majors flock to (and yet I'm sure some of them are also quite taken with it). China is a convenient place to run to. It is not so far away from what I know, but far enough away that it is a challenge and a new place to understand. 'As good a place as any' I keep saying but what does that make me sound like? I have godparents there, and many friends. It's strange to be connected to the one place that you know that six years ago was the most unlikely option, but hey...that's life though huh? Am I lying when I say 'As good a place as any?' What am I trying to prove. Heh, especially when people see me and expect me to have a fascination for this place and some natural understanding of it. We all know that they could not be more incorrect. Asia is my dark continent, and China is no exception. Coming this far in understanding and struggling through my personal vices and prejudices has been difficult. I still wonder if that place will gobble me up. Maybe it will and I won't even know it.
Tomorrow will have to be a productive day for me as I try to become excited about my Medieval to Commonwealth paper. It's analyzing poetry :S shiiiiite.
Also of course, looking forward to eccentric_hat's Senior Sermon :D