True Writers Prompt 26-B-4
You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by. - James M. Barrie
I have found that of all of my "advantages" over humans, clarity of memory is the one that I now favor the least. It has provided extensive assistance in times of duress; however, it does give me the option to look upon my past experiences with vivid detail and react upon them in the ways that I could not before the installation of my emotion chip.
One profound instance was the loss of my daughter, Lal. I chose the name "beloved" despite the fact that I was incapable of actually loving her. For that matter, I could not take genuine pride in her accomplishments. She made many in her short time of activation, and acquired skills and information quickly. I could only watch her evolution and analyze it as it correlated with my own early development. In retrospect, I realize the urgency and trauma of the situation when Admiral Haftel asked to have her forcibly removed from my care. I also regret that when she told me that she loved me, I was unable to return the sentiment.
When I was in a romantic relationship with Lt. D'Sora, I created a program to assist me in accommodating her needs. I did not understand the significance of emotion in a relationship. Now, I am able to look back and recall her expression of dismay at my dispassionate dismissal, and I am overwhelmed with regret as she was a very kind and generous young woman, who only desired to be treated as someone's paramour and needed none of the formalities of a relationship but instead the mutual security being with another individual should bring to one. Instead, I left an exceptional person with the impression of expendability and detachment.
When negotiating the evacuation of the colonists on Tau Cygna V, I met a very intelligent young woman named Ard'rian McKenzie. She became fond of me as we grew familiar with one another during the course of the talks, and gave me a kiss that she deemed "I appeared to need". Though I could only understand it as a part of a basic human system of support, I could not see the signs of any developing feelings or sensitivity toward me. Fortunately, her interest in cybernetics lent to a basic understanding when I could not return any feelings that she had for me. However, now I find that she would have been a very suitable companion, if not in romantic attachment, then in friendship. I regret that I lacked the connection or motivation to keep in contact with her after the colony's relocation.
Perhaps the event that impacted me most was the loss of Natasha Yar. With her death, I registered a sense of loss that I had never experienced before. I am capable of forming connections in my positronic brain; ones that regular contact help me establish a form of familiarity. If this contact is abruptly lost, there is a disruption in my regular routine.
I did not understand the significance of this disruption until long after Tasha had died, and I realized that I loved her. Geordi was very fond of her himself, and as Geordi and I were very close, I would not have interfered with his attraction to her. I do wish that I could have shared with her the impact that she had upon me and my development. I can not alter the past, and can not afford to attach negativity to an unfortunate circumstance surrounding someone whose existence has positively impacted so many lives.
All an individual may do with the mistakes of their past is learn from them. This applies to instances when they acted appropriately as well as when they were naive, cruel, or humiliating. Dwelling upon the past will only make you relate every instance to the one before, so each incident should be looked upon fondly as an educational opportunity. Expanding one's self in every fashion and learning from missed chances, along with disappointments, is just as momentous as every failed experiment that contributes and eventually culminates in a successful conclusion.
I have found that of all of my "advantages" over humans, clarity of memory is the one that I now favor the least. It has provided extensive assistance in times of duress; however, it does give me the option to look upon my past experiences with vivid detail and react upon them in the ways that I could not before the installation of my emotion chip.
One profound instance was the loss of my daughter, Lal. I chose the name "beloved" despite the fact that I was incapable of actually loving her. For that matter, I could not take genuine pride in her accomplishments. She made many in her short time of activation, and acquired skills and information quickly. I could only watch her evolution and analyze it as it correlated with my own early development. In retrospect, I realize the urgency and trauma of the situation when Admiral Haftel asked to have her forcibly removed from my care. I also regret that when she told me that she loved me, I was unable to return the sentiment.
When I was in a romantic relationship with Lt. D'Sora, I created a program to assist me in accommodating her needs. I did not understand the significance of emotion in a relationship. Now, I am able to look back and recall her expression of dismay at my dispassionate dismissal, and I am overwhelmed with regret as she was a very kind and generous young woman, who only desired to be treated as someone's paramour and needed none of the formalities of a relationship but instead the mutual security being with another individual should bring to one. Instead, I left an exceptional person with the impression of expendability and detachment.
When negotiating the evacuation of the colonists on Tau Cygna V, I met a very intelligent young woman named Ard'rian McKenzie. She became fond of me as we grew familiar with one another during the course of the talks, and gave me a kiss that she deemed "I appeared to need". Though I could only understand it as a part of a basic human system of support, I could not see the signs of any developing feelings or sensitivity toward me. Fortunately, her interest in cybernetics lent to a basic understanding when I could not return any feelings that she had for me. However, now I find that she would have been a very suitable companion, if not in romantic attachment, then in friendship. I regret that I lacked the connection or motivation to keep in contact with her after the colony's relocation.
Perhaps the event that impacted me most was the loss of Natasha Yar. With her death, I registered a sense of loss that I had never experienced before. I am capable of forming connections in my positronic brain; ones that regular contact help me establish a form of familiarity. If this contact is abruptly lost, there is a disruption in my regular routine.
I did not understand the significance of this disruption until long after Tasha had died, and I realized that I loved her. Geordi was very fond of her himself, and as Geordi and I were very close, I would not have interfered with his attraction to her. I do wish that I could have shared with her the impact that she had upon me and my development. I can not alter the past, and can not afford to attach negativity to an unfortunate circumstance surrounding someone whose existence has positively impacted so many lives.
All an individual may do with the mistakes of their past is learn from them. This applies to instances when they acted appropriately as well as when they were naive, cruel, or humiliating. Dwelling upon the past will only make you relate every instance to the one before, so each incident should be looked upon fondly as an educational opportunity. Expanding one's self in every fashion and learning from missed chances, along with disappointments, is just as momentous as every failed experiment that contributes and eventually culminates in a successful conclusion.