I Do Love to Rant, Don't I?
The Twilight Blog Rant or Why I Support Team Edward
K, here goes. The risk of pissing off any teenyboppers that might stumble across this blog is great, but I just have to get my thoughts out here. Please forgive this scattered, unstructured rant. And beware the spoilers.
So. Twilight.
I kept seeing a lot of Twilight love out there on various LJs when I would search for BSG or Firefly fic. And I recognize the actors. I've got much love for Kristen Stewart. She's young, but a very fine actress and definitely not a bubble-head. Yay for Kristen. And Robert Pattinson. Ah, Robert. Made me feel like a dirty cradle-robber when I saw Goblet of Fire. He jumped from a tree and when he landed and stood up, I actually sat up in my seat in the theater and started paying attention. "Hellooooooo, Hotness!"
Instantly I was flooded with shame and ickyness because I was 22 at the time and I figured he was probably 17. (He wasn't. He was 19. But still..) What a face! What EXCELLENT bone structure! And then he died. Tsk. Tsk. What a waste. Stupid Voldemort. I would wager that the outraged fangirls could have accomplished what Harry Potter himself could not: killing Voldemort by tearing him to pieces with their sharp, well-manicured teenaged fingernails. Anyhoo, I recognized the actors on imdb.com and the fanbase seemed especially rabid on the message boards, so I thought, Why not give the books a try? Yes, I know they're for teenagers, but after reading Atonement, one longs for lighter fare. So I started reading.
First impressions: Stephenie Meyer, bless her heart, is no Anne Rice. The book is probably written on a 5th or 6th grade reading level. I found myself constantly longing for the rich prose and depth that Rice brings to her characters. It was not to be found here. I mean, I know of quite a few fanfiction writers whose literary skills far surpass Meyer's. *sigh* Even so, I found myself fluctuating between enjoyment and utter annoyance. The Cullens are intriguing, as was Edward's volatile first reaction to Bella's presence. Meyer's descriptions of Forks were wonderful. I could easily picture the place, the damp green-ness of it.
I liked all of the characters (with a few exceptions) and the plot, but the one disappointment of the book - in ALL three books, really - is Bella. She reads like a Mary Sue. She's supposed to come off as mature - what with being the "parent" to her immature, eccentric mother - but I never got a sense of real maturity from Bella. All we really get from her whiney/angsty internal monologues in the series is: "Forks sucks. The weather sucks. My dad is emotionally unavailable. Edward Cullen is the most beautiful/radiant/god-like/gorgeous/model-esque/dazzling guy I've ever seen. Edward Cullen hates me. I'm clumsy. OMG! Edward's a vampire! Edward Cullen loves me and he's the most beautiful/radiant/god-like/gorgeous/model-esque/sparkly guy I've ever seen! I want to be a vampire, too! Crap, I'm so clumsy! I wish these dumb mortal guys would stop hitting on me. Oh, Edward, you're the most beautiful/radiant/god-like/gorgeous/model-esque/shiny guy I've ever seen! Too bad I'm such a klutz! I'm horrible person, just like Cathy Earnshaw in Wuthering Heights. I want to be a vampire, dang it! Oh Edward, you're the most beautiful/radiant/god-like/gorgeous/model-esque/sparkly guy I've ever seen!"
We get it, already! He's hot, you're freakishly clumsy, and you want to be a vampire! Move on!
Another thing that really annoys me about Bella - the way she allows Edward to patronize her and treat her like a child. It's terrible in the first book - but in New Moon and Eclipse, Edward seems to mature and he does it less and less. So - points for that.
Now the Jacob issue. I thought Jacob was a very kind, sweet, and thoughtful young man throughout the first and half of the second books. And then he became a werewolf. I have never been so disgusted with a character - except Bella. And we're SUPPOSED to like him!?! He's supposed to be a viable rival love interest for Bella? He makes Edward with his slightly chauvinistic tendencies look like a militant feminist.
WTF was Stephenie Meyers thinking??? Jacob is hostile, aggressive, horribly manipulative, and immature. On top of that, his constant man-handling of Bella and forced kisses made me want to take a Louisville Slugger to his face. OK, so Bella punched him. (points for that) Once. And deservedly so. And what did he do? He laughed at her! Jacob may feel that he loves her, but it's a possessive, unhealthy kind of love. And no one can convince me that he actually respects her. The interaction between them reads too much like some cheesy bodice-ripper ("Methinks the lady doth protest too much!") where when women say "no," they really mean "yes."
Now, does Meyer do the sensible thing and have Bella finally put Jacob in his place??? Hell, no! Mysteriously, after being man-handled and sexually harassed, Bella has an epiphany and realizes that she's IN LOVE with Jacob.
ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??? As a grown-ass woman, I find this highly offensive. The notion that all it takes is one passionate kiss to snap someone out of denial and realize their love for another person is utter nonsense. Puh-leez. Bella told Jacob over and over that she didn't love him. Again and again she likened him to a friend, a brother. She knew that he was in love with her, but she continued to hang out with him. Anyone with a lick of sense knows that you don't do that! Even if it meant hurting him, the best thing she could have done for him was to stay the hell away from him - give him time to get over her - not run off to meet him at every opportunity and giving him hope. But no, Bella just can't stand the thought of anyone being angry with her! Grow up. Seriously.
It seems Meyer is eager to liken this love triangle to the one in Wuthering Heights. It might be an apt comparison and I might have more sympathy for the characters - if Meyer were a better writer. Jacob is Bella's best friend? What kind of "best friend" extorts love like that?!? "I'm going to kill myself or allow myself to die if you don't kiss me like you mean it??? If you don't love me???" That's a hideous thing to do to someone. That is not love. That is utterly selfish. Though Edward does behave jealously at times and his old-fashioned ideas about gender roles can be grating, he behaves quite honorably throughout the series. His love is more honest, more mature. His love is unselfish.
In short, I feel that Bella is to blame for never being strong enough to take a stand and be the "bad guy" when it comes to Jacob. Grow a frickin' spine, please. Seriously. And if her romantic feelings for Jacob were truly as strong as she makes them out to be (post-epiphany), she NEVER would have been able to maintain the level of denial about her feelings as she did throughout the second and third books! It just doesn't work that way. You KNOW when you're attracted to someone. You KNOW when you have romantic feelings toward someone.
Oh, and the whole Edward/Bella/"We can't have sex because he could smash my pelvis to dust and kill me" thing?
Trite.
Seriously, Meyer, in the real world, teenagers know there's ways of getting around actual sexual intercourse. *insert eye roll here* Jeez. (Though I strongly suspect Meyer's literary finagling to keep Edward and Bella out of the sack until marriage has more to do with her Mormon upbringing than dealing with the situation in any realistic or real world kind of way - Meyer is a BYU alum, so draw your own conclusions.)
All I can hope for is that the movie script is better than the book. And that Kristen Stewart can bring some level of intelligence, strength, and gumption to the character of Bella Swan. I'm crossing my fingers.
Here endeth the rant.