So Much To Say (NMU Dream) (Zach)
Sometimes - I'm like - yeah - I'll journal later . . . I don't have much to report - then my mind goes *KAPLOW* and there are a million things to say.
First thing - I have this dream with regularity that I am going back to Northern. Like enrolling in school. This dream - I was really contemplating when to go. I met a bunch of cool people. Some with whom I've really met. Others that I've made up in my dreams as recurring characters. Sometimes I dream that I have a room up there and I'm moving in. Other times that I've left an old car up there. Sometimes I dream that I left all my stuff up there to take a job down here. This dream there was some blonde girl - that I think I remember - Mindy? We went to breakfast. We woke up naked together. We didn't . . .you know. . . but anyhow. It was weird. I also dreamt that Deb had an apartment up there and she asked me to move in with her. . . which was weird.
There was a part of a dorm room - where I had this display case behind the door. It had a bunch of collectibles that I'd been missing. Rare things. Shoes. Transformers. Star Wars stuff. I know that deep inside I want to go back to school. I think this particular dream symbolizes all the material value an advanced degree could add to my life.
I haven't heard anything new about Zach - but I think about him every day. All the things we could be doing - talking about. How he is doing in school. I am scared that he thinks I abandoned him. I am still upset about the selfish behavior of his mom and custodial father.
I think about my son with Val. Val and I were really going through some tough things. I was wondering how much of it was hormones related to pregnancy. . . and how much of it is Val. Truth be told we didn't know each other TERRIBLY long before moving in and having a child. I still have some doubts with one eye opened sort of thing - but after a few dozen talks about "State of the Relationship." I think I might have gotten somewhere.
We are thinking about naming the boy Aaron. Aaron Empire Calice. Calice is my step-father's name. He raised me. He never adopted me (long story) . . .but I think its time to change my last name to his. The ultrasound went well. We are over half-way. I am really excited about having a son - no matter how things go in the long term with Val.
First thing - I have this dream with regularity that I am going back to Northern. Like enrolling in school. This dream - I was really contemplating when to go. I met a bunch of cool people. Some with whom I've really met. Others that I've made up in my dreams as recurring characters. Sometimes I dream that I have a room up there and I'm moving in. Other times that I've left an old car up there. Sometimes I dream that I left all my stuff up there to take a job down here. This dream there was some blonde girl - that I think I remember - Mindy? We went to breakfast. We woke up naked together. We didn't . . .you know. . . but anyhow. It was weird. I also dreamt that Deb had an apartment up there and she asked me to move in with her. . . which was weird.
There was a part of a dorm room - where I had this display case behind the door. It had a bunch of collectibles that I'd been missing. Rare things. Shoes. Transformers. Star Wars stuff. I know that deep inside I want to go back to school. I think this particular dream symbolizes all the material value an advanced degree could add to my life.
I haven't heard anything new about Zach - but I think about him every day. All the things we could be doing - talking about. How he is doing in school. I am scared that he thinks I abandoned him. I am still upset about the selfish behavior of his mom and custodial father.
I think about my son with Val. Val and I were really going through some tough things. I was wondering how much of it was hormones related to pregnancy. . . and how much of it is Val. Truth be told we didn't know each other TERRIBLY long before moving in and having a child. I still have some doubts with one eye opened sort of thing - but after a few dozen talks about "State of the Relationship." I think I might have gotten somewhere.
We are thinking about naming the boy Aaron. Aaron Empire Calice. Calice is my step-father's name. He raised me. He never adopted me (long story) . . .but I think its time to change my last name to his. The ultrasound went well. We are over half-way. I am really excited about having a son - no matter how things go in the long term with Val.