Percolate - Matriculate - Captivate
So I've gone back and re-read a bunch of my old LJ stuff from 2002-2004. Its a little unnerving . . to read about what kind of mess that I was. I am still a mess at times but I feel like I've grown SO MUCH. "But Yodi, I've learned so much" I'm sure my giving up drinking had a LOT to do with it.
A few years back at an AA meeting one of the guys at a first step table talked about going to see a therapist. He said he asked his therapist what is measurable way to determine whether or not you are super crazy - or normal crazy. The therapist said by the depth and longevity of your interpersonal relationships.
That being said - I used to just skip from person to person to person - like a pandemic. 2008 is the year that popped into my head when I was thinking of the year things changed. I started to have "Friends" to some degree in 2005. In 2008 I started friendships with some people who are really close to me. Since then I've repaired some older friendships and started a lot of new ones. Between music and Nerdcore, Penguicon and people I've just met while being out and about living life - I feel like I have started to knit a firm circle. I still know a lot of people but it seems that I'm getting closer to them and not running away as much. My serious relationships are lasting longer. My fear of commitment is lessening. My overall quality of life is improving.
I used to go to concerts with one other person. Usually a g/f. Now I have been going to shows and other events with larger and larger groups of people. I saw Cake with Joe, Andy, Val and Andy's friend. I saw 311 with Andy and Joe. Went to some rockabilly show with Joe and Val. Went to see Tribe 1, Doc Awk Jesse D and MC Chris with Janee, Andy, Val . . ran into some peeps there.
I used to complain a lot about being alone. Now I thrive on my alone time. I used to shout from the hilltops that "no one gets me." Now I let them get me - and I get them. I used to be pissed off at everyone - now I've realized that I only had myself to blame.
I've learned some things about me that might not change. I'm still ornery. I'm still very moody. I'm sensitive to life changes . . .and they affect me at my job - or at home more than some people. . .but I accept all of that. I don't feel like I have to change as much about me or other people. Some of it is because I have grown. Some of it is because I've learned how to surround myself with good people and keep my distance from the toxic ones. I'm always willing to care about people and love to help people when its not hurtful to my own well being - but I am able to discern the difference. I wasn't able to do that 5 years ago.
A few years back at an AA meeting one of the guys at a first step table talked about going to see a therapist. He said he asked his therapist what is measurable way to determine whether or not you are super crazy - or normal crazy. The therapist said by the depth and longevity of your interpersonal relationships.
That being said - I used to just skip from person to person to person - like a pandemic. 2008 is the year that popped into my head when I was thinking of the year things changed. I started to have "Friends" to some degree in 2005. In 2008 I started friendships with some people who are really close to me. Since then I've repaired some older friendships and started a lot of new ones. Between music and Nerdcore, Penguicon and people I've just met while being out and about living life - I feel like I have started to knit a firm circle. I still know a lot of people but it seems that I'm getting closer to them and not running away as much. My serious relationships are lasting longer. My fear of commitment is lessening. My overall quality of life is improving.
I used to go to concerts with one other person. Usually a g/f. Now I have been going to shows and other events with larger and larger groups of people. I saw Cake with Joe, Andy, Val and Andy's friend. I saw 311 with Andy and Joe. Went to some rockabilly show with Joe and Val. Went to see Tribe 1, Doc Awk Jesse D and MC Chris with Janee, Andy, Val . . ran into some peeps there.
I used to complain a lot about being alone. Now I thrive on my alone time. I used to shout from the hilltops that "no one gets me." Now I let them get me - and I get them. I used to be pissed off at everyone - now I've realized that I only had myself to blame.
I've learned some things about me that might not change. I'm still ornery. I'm still very moody. I'm sensitive to life changes . . .and they affect me at my job - or at home more than some people. . .but I accept all of that. I don't feel like I have to change as much about me or other people. Some of it is because I have grown. Some of it is because I've learned how to surround myself with good people and keep my distance from the toxic ones. I'm always willing to care about people and love to help people when its not hurtful to my own well being - but I am able to discern the difference. I wasn't able to do that 5 years ago.