The continued adventures of Tiny!Tam and Owain (also LessOld!Adam)
A wild piece of fic appears, following from prompts given to me ages ago:
A worrying sound was emanating from the behind the coops. An alarming situation was occurring. A situation that would be referred to as a Cluckterfust ever since a tiny Tamain had picked up on the cadence of the alternate pronunciation and nearly asked her mother what it meant. A small hurricane of feathers was being blown this way and that as Owain and Tamain chased the chickens this way and that, giggling as they ran. Adam raised an eyebrow and smiled despite himself, the hounds were in no danger of being replaced just yet. One bird had managed to climb atop the roof of its coop and alternated between flapping whenever the children’s whoops became particularly loud and looking to Adam as if attempting to determine if he was a predator.
He picked his moment and scooped up Tamain as a Marcher might intercept a football, and like a Marcher Adam braced himself for the flailing limbs that would certainly follow. Tamain struggled for a moment and went limp like a kitten held by the scruff. Owain was quicker and escaped Adam’s grasp, causing a stumble, a wobble and a surprising graceful twirl through the air to avoid crushing his niece. Tamain squeaked with delight as she was held aloft.
“Children!” In a single booming call, Owain and Tamain fell silent and the chickens scattered in all directions. A problem to be dealt with later. Adam put a now still Tamain on the floor then picked himself up and dusted himself down. Several feathers had managed to lodge themselves in his hair. He cleared his throat. “Now children, what do you think you were doing?” They were looking at the floor, he’d observed this tactic before, any moment they would fix him with a big watery stare. They had him flanked, the cunning devils.
“We were trying to help” Owain sniffed.
“We wanted to put things in order” Tamain added, classic use of the wobbly lip.
Adam frowned and bobbed down that he might look them in the eyes more easily.
“Now what needs putting in order here, the coops are well maintained, the chickens have space to wander and food to eat, when the day draws in we will lock the gates, bar the doors and keep the foxes at bay. Come the morning the eggs will be collected, I could wake you if you wish and you may take part. It will be educational. What requires improvement?”
“We wanted to rank the chickens in order of Gloriousness.”
Adam blinked, he wasn’t sure what kind of explanation he’d been expecting. The logic of the young was occasionally impenetrable, still there could be a strange kind of wisdom in their whims.
“Firstly, do not use words like Gloriousness in an attempt to sound endearing, it is entirely unnecessary. Second, which chicken is the most glorious, I should like to hear your reasoning.”
“The Cock!” They giggled.
“Cockerel if you please, if you consider him the most glorious you should use his full title though Rooster would be even better.”
“Why?”
“Cockerel is a term traditionally used amongst the yeofolk, I thought you two aspired to nobility.” Ah the ‘nobles don’t do that defence’ a stalwart friend in the face of questioning children. Owain and Tamain noticeable straightened their stance as the question of nobility was raised. “Why is the Rooster the most glorious?”
“Because he’s the loudest!” They chorused back. Adam shook his head.
“Now you can do better than that. Never mistake volume for glory. Any fool can shout about their deeds, achieve true success and you will never need to. Now you could have said his crow wakens the farm and calls people to important tasks. You could have said he serves his house and plays a vital part in … inspiring future generations.”
“Do you mean sex?”
“Yes.”
The children nodded with the understanding of people who had been shown informative diagrams with clear labelling at a young age. In farming country why ignore the obvious?
“The Rooster has an important role to play it is true but consider the hens that lay the most eggs and feeds the farm. Is that not glorious? What of the bird who gives the plumpest breast, the tenderest meat is that not glorious as well?”
Owain nodded as if weighing something up in his mind, Tamain looked puzzled momentarily.
“I’m not sure if being eaten is very glorious.”
Adam grinned.
“We have a library full of unfortunate knights that would suggest otherwise but this is a sensible thought to bear in mind all the same. Now then run along, you will never amount to much if you spend all your time kicking chickens.”
A worrying sound was emanating from the behind the coops. An alarming situation was occurring. A situation that would be referred to as a Cluckterfust ever since a tiny Tamain had picked up on the cadence of the alternate pronunciation and nearly asked her mother what it meant. A small hurricane of feathers was being blown this way and that as Owain and Tamain chased the chickens this way and that, giggling as they ran. Adam raised an eyebrow and smiled despite himself, the hounds were in no danger of being replaced just yet. One bird had managed to climb atop the roof of its coop and alternated between flapping whenever the children’s whoops became particularly loud and looking to Adam as if attempting to determine if he was a predator.
He picked his moment and scooped up Tamain as a Marcher might intercept a football, and like a Marcher Adam braced himself for the flailing limbs that would certainly follow. Tamain struggled for a moment and went limp like a kitten held by the scruff. Owain was quicker and escaped Adam’s grasp, causing a stumble, a wobble and a surprising graceful twirl through the air to avoid crushing his niece. Tamain squeaked with delight as she was held aloft.
“Children!” In a single booming call, Owain and Tamain fell silent and the chickens scattered in all directions. A problem to be dealt with later. Adam put a now still Tamain on the floor then picked himself up and dusted himself down. Several feathers had managed to lodge themselves in his hair. He cleared his throat. “Now children, what do you think you were doing?” They were looking at the floor, he’d observed this tactic before, any moment they would fix him with a big watery stare. They had him flanked, the cunning devils.
“We were trying to help” Owain sniffed.
“We wanted to put things in order” Tamain added, classic use of the wobbly lip.
Adam frowned and bobbed down that he might look them in the eyes more easily.
“Now what needs putting in order here, the coops are well maintained, the chickens have space to wander and food to eat, when the day draws in we will lock the gates, bar the doors and keep the foxes at bay. Come the morning the eggs will be collected, I could wake you if you wish and you may take part. It will be educational. What requires improvement?”
“We wanted to rank the chickens in order of Gloriousness.”
Adam blinked, he wasn’t sure what kind of explanation he’d been expecting. The logic of the young was occasionally impenetrable, still there could be a strange kind of wisdom in their whims.
“Firstly, do not use words like Gloriousness in an attempt to sound endearing, it is entirely unnecessary. Second, which chicken is the most glorious, I should like to hear your reasoning.”
“The Cock!” They giggled.
“Cockerel if you please, if you consider him the most glorious you should use his full title though Rooster would be even better.”
“Why?”
“Cockerel is a term traditionally used amongst the yeofolk, I thought you two aspired to nobility.” Ah the ‘nobles don’t do that defence’ a stalwart friend in the face of questioning children. Owain and Tamain noticeable straightened their stance as the question of nobility was raised. “Why is the Rooster the most glorious?”
“Because he’s the loudest!” They chorused back. Adam shook his head.
“Now you can do better than that. Never mistake volume for glory. Any fool can shout about their deeds, achieve true success and you will never need to. Now you could have said his crow wakens the farm and calls people to important tasks. You could have said he serves his house and plays a vital part in … inspiring future generations.”
“Do you mean sex?”
“Yes.”
The children nodded with the understanding of people who had been shown informative diagrams with clear labelling at a young age. In farming country why ignore the obvious?
“The Rooster has an important role to play it is true but consider the hens that lay the most eggs and feeds the farm. Is that not glorious? What of the bird who gives the plumpest breast, the tenderest meat is that not glorious as well?”
Owain nodded as if weighing something up in his mind, Tamain looked puzzled momentarily.
“I’m not sure if being eaten is very glorious.”
Adam grinned.
“We have a library full of unfortunate knights that would suggest otherwise but this is a sensible thought to bear in mind all the same. Now then run along, you will never amount to much if you spend all your time kicking chickens.”