(no subject)
I'm so close to having a clean room!! Granted it's still a mess, but I've realized I don't have ANYTHING left so sort thru! I have all the unnecessary stuff boxed up, i have a place for everything else, i've thrown out at least 8 bags of clothes and countless bags of trash and shit i don't need. now i just have to sort out the depths of under the bed, find room for a couple more things to be put away, and decide where to keep the boxes. i'll prob sort my closet and try to make room for them there. maybe i'll get rid of that stupid shoe rack that doesn't work.
threw out my old useless school folders and found one with all my creative essays that i wrote in grade 8. i'd totally forgotten about some of them. one that i did remember was called "Kavasira The Obliging" and it was about this girl whose parents were nobility and she was form norway then they moved to england during which time king arthur was battling with mordred, and she had a premonition of an incident that was going to fatally injure king arthur. so she told her father but he laughed in her face, and then she was proven right. i think then she had another premonition and they believed her and they won, or something...then she ran away back to norway to be with her lover, who her parents wouldnt let her marry since he was poor, and they got married and traveled the world and ladida the end.
haha i once found another story that sounds like the foreshadowing of an acid trip--SERIOUSLY. and i was fucking 13 and totally drug-free wtf. i had the trippiest imagination when i was a kid i swear to god!
but anyway, in this story, the protagonist finds a box that she's not supposed to open because it's a present for later or something, and she tears off the wrapping paper and opens it only to find another box, and she realizes her whole world has changed--like the sky is purple and the grass is yellow and the lights are pink, and then she unwraps the box inside and opens it and finds yet another box, decorated differently, and immediately her world goes crazy again, like the people around her are cats, etc. this happens a few times until she goes back to normal and the box has disappeared. honestly sounds like a horrible/amazing acid trip. damnn.
in other news. i'm getting so proud of myself for this. i think within the next week i can finally move my furniture.
call me silly but i believe furniture and arrangement have an immense impact on a room and how you feel in it. i have grown to hate this layout. it's old and i have to get rid of all the old energy and weight that weighs me down even further. i am a growing person and my environment must suit me so i'm switching up the layout a bit and i've tossed tons of shit away. i seriously never used to throw things away. i'm a mini-hoarder--i don't like to toss things because i get attached to all of them. my possessions are really important to me, they are an extension of me. and i'm coming from the clearance-store baby syndrome...i used to have so little so i held onto everything i did have. now i'm pretty comfortable but that habit's taken a long time to die. since living at college and getting by just fine with a fraction of my things there i realized i had so much unnecessary shit lying around in my room, so gradually i started tossing tons of shit out (and this was over several weekends even before summer) and later boxing up things i do want but don't have room for. cleaning out shit that takes up crucial storage space. not letting every paper and envelope pile up.
i just wanna finally be comfortable in my room and be able to lay down in bed and watch movies from my computer and have an actual bedside table and my dresser in the corner. i feel like light will bother me less because it won't be hitting my whole body like it does now, it will stream past my head. i kinda wish my desk was a little smaller but my college desk is too small, grr. and theres no fucking way i will ever be able to fit my drawing table in here but i can dream. *sigh*.
i wanna make it my little girlie den. i'm going to buy a sheer dusty pink curtain and a soft pretty lampshade to replace the gross old one, and if i put anything up on the walls it has to be pretty, and nicely spaced out. i want a cute, relaxed, comfortable place. none of the buildup and the harshness, none of the jarring posters and random shit alllll over the place. not so much of the useless pile-up that takes up soo much lovely floorspace.
oh, still have to figure out what to do with all my old books...i absolutely cannot bear to throw away a book, it just hurts my soul, it's like killing a baby bird to me. so i need to find out how i can donate them to salvation army or something. i dunno if i just have to take them there or what.
i've found so many cute letters from friends in like, elementary, middle and high school. i've found my little rants about my fake middle school friends, and caricatures of them, and loads and loads and loads of angsty poetry/ 'song lyrics'. i still remember some of the melodies i invented for them in my head. it's weird.
there's one from like, second grade that i still recall the melody of, but not at hand i'm a bit discombobulated right now.
i had the weirdest moment, i literally just sat outside in my driveway in my old computer chair, smoking out of the bubbler, then smoking a cigarette, kinda talking to myself and observing the street at nighttime. it's silly and it was fun and i am letting myself be as silly and fun and weird and whatever as i want to.
i had this big epiphany, kindof. and i've come to a realization that i am in fact allowed to give myself a break, be whatever i want to be and just am, just do things i enjoy, not worry so much about the future or the past but be able to feel good about little enjoyable moments. i realize i really need to stop judging myself, and holding myself to this bizarre standard that's always been there in my head and has always been unrealistic. i'm making myself cut it out.
sooomy reality is simple. i'm a nineteen year old girl and i'm doing what i want to be doing. i am the same person everywhere i go. i don't really worry whether people will think i'm this or that. i don't give a fuck if i'm attractive. i dress cute for myself. i'm taking it easy. and people could look at how i live and call me a loser but i don't care. for possibly the first time in my life i am *actually* CHILLING THE FUCK OUT about everything and just..."being".
my heart's opened up so much. i am learning, for fun even. i'm becoming aware of the world around me and instead of being a useless emo fuck and thinking "wahh this reaffirms that the world sucks so much" i'm saying, "what can be done about this? why is this happening?"
and goddammit i love anime. i don't know where the hell it came from. honestly make fun of my pot use as much as you want but it has led me to some great entertainment and enjoyment and really random but good ideas. since i love watching movies i'm netflixing nonstop...i've discovered some really great ones, and silly ones, and thought provoking ones, and lotttts of documentaries. i'm slightly burnt out on them though and i've already watched like 10 of them related to north korea. so somehow i was browsing anime one day and saw one with kindof neat-looking cover art called BLACK BUTLER. i read the description and thought it sounded kindof faggy but i went ahead and watched it. the first episode was ehh but the scenery was absolutely gorgeous and i kindof liked the characters so i went ahead and watched a few episodes...and then i became a complete addict...i would watch it for like, 3 hours a day, sometimes more...i got two of my friends hooked on it, and they got other people hooked on it, and i think once i show it to erin she'll get hooked on it too. it's like fucking crack. it's fucking great.
sadly i watched all of the available episodes on netflix and so i needed to find a new one on there that i could have marathons of and get sucked into...so i found HELL GIRL which is fucking great and different from BB, but equally pretty, and equally thought-provoking, probably moreso actually. it has a storyline that at first seems repetitive but soon a story arc slowly unfolds and you get to see more complicated situations. it's made me think a lot, as it brings up a lot of moral quandaries and it made me think a lot about technology and morals and kids and how it's all effecting each other etc. and there are some really creepy parts to it, and some really awesome animations, and believable situations, and really interesting supernatural stuff that is fun to watch. i'm on like episode 11 or something...still a lot left though. yee i'm excited.
i also found this show called SHIGOFUMI which is about this person who delivers messages to people from people who have died. i've just watched one episode so far but i can really see myself getting into it, it's cool and interesting and has a great atmosphere. D. GRAY-MAN is another cool one, i can't completely remember what it's about but i'm very fucking high right now and i only watched one ep...i liked it though, even though it's very "anime" in that it has lots of action and scenarios that are completely removed from the real world (like Dragon Ball Z, InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, idk a lot of others)...and part of why I don't like those kinds of shows is because they're not relatable at all, and a lot of the concepts or ideas are really hard to swallow, even if they are in a total fantasy world. i also don't like tons of slapstick humor which a lot of popular anime shows have. D. GRAY-MAN has some of that crazy fantasy action but it's appropriate and i didn't mind it at all, plus it made sense. i find a lot of anime shows to be really convoluted and just idk too much. wow i am sounding pretentious even about anime hahaha oh lord
this is like the longest fucking entry ever. i doubt anyone will read it all the way through but thank youuu if you do.
i'm having a good night, hope you are too. ♥
threw out my old useless school folders and found one with all my creative essays that i wrote in grade 8. i'd totally forgotten about some of them. one that i did remember was called "Kavasira The Obliging" and it was about this girl whose parents were nobility and she was form norway then they moved to england during which time king arthur was battling with mordred, and she had a premonition of an incident that was going to fatally injure king arthur. so she told her father but he laughed in her face, and then she was proven right. i think then she had another premonition and they believed her and they won, or something...then she ran away back to norway to be with her lover, who her parents wouldnt let her marry since he was poor, and they got married and traveled the world and ladida the end.
haha i once found another story that sounds like the foreshadowing of an acid trip--SERIOUSLY. and i was fucking 13 and totally drug-free wtf. i had the trippiest imagination when i was a kid i swear to god!
but anyway, in this story, the protagonist finds a box that she's not supposed to open because it's a present for later or something, and she tears off the wrapping paper and opens it only to find another box, and she realizes her whole world has changed--like the sky is purple and the grass is yellow and the lights are pink, and then she unwraps the box inside and opens it and finds yet another box, decorated differently, and immediately her world goes crazy again, like the people around her are cats, etc. this happens a few times until she goes back to normal and the box has disappeared. honestly sounds like a horrible/amazing acid trip. damnn.
in other news. i'm getting so proud of myself for this. i think within the next week i can finally move my furniture.
call me silly but i believe furniture and arrangement have an immense impact on a room and how you feel in it. i have grown to hate this layout. it's old and i have to get rid of all the old energy and weight that weighs me down even further. i am a growing person and my environment must suit me so i'm switching up the layout a bit and i've tossed tons of shit away. i seriously never used to throw things away. i'm a mini-hoarder--i don't like to toss things because i get attached to all of them. my possessions are really important to me, they are an extension of me. and i'm coming from the clearance-store baby syndrome...i used to have so little so i held onto everything i did have. now i'm pretty comfortable but that habit's taken a long time to die. since living at college and getting by just fine with a fraction of my things there i realized i had so much unnecessary shit lying around in my room, so gradually i started tossing tons of shit out (and this was over several weekends even before summer) and later boxing up things i do want but don't have room for. cleaning out shit that takes up crucial storage space. not letting every paper and envelope pile up.
i just wanna finally be comfortable in my room and be able to lay down in bed and watch movies from my computer and have an actual bedside table and my dresser in the corner. i feel like light will bother me less because it won't be hitting my whole body like it does now, it will stream past my head. i kinda wish my desk was a little smaller but my college desk is too small, grr. and theres no fucking way i will ever be able to fit my drawing table in here but i can dream. *sigh*.
i wanna make it my little girlie den. i'm going to buy a sheer dusty pink curtain and a soft pretty lampshade to replace the gross old one, and if i put anything up on the walls it has to be pretty, and nicely spaced out. i want a cute, relaxed, comfortable place. none of the buildup and the harshness, none of the jarring posters and random shit alllll over the place. not so much of the useless pile-up that takes up soo much lovely floorspace.
oh, still have to figure out what to do with all my old books...i absolutely cannot bear to throw away a book, it just hurts my soul, it's like killing a baby bird to me. so i need to find out how i can donate them to salvation army or something. i dunno if i just have to take them there or what.
i've found so many cute letters from friends in like, elementary, middle and high school. i've found my little rants about my fake middle school friends, and caricatures of them, and loads and loads and loads of angsty poetry/ 'song lyrics'. i still remember some of the melodies i invented for them in my head. it's weird.
there's one from like, second grade that i still recall the melody of, but not at hand i'm a bit discombobulated right now.
i had the weirdest moment, i literally just sat outside in my driveway in my old computer chair, smoking out of the bubbler, then smoking a cigarette, kinda talking to myself and observing the street at nighttime. it's silly and it was fun and i am letting myself be as silly and fun and weird and whatever as i want to.
i had this big epiphany, kindof. and i've come to a realization that i am in fact allowed to give myself a break, be whatever i want to be and just am, just do things i enjoy, not worry so much about the future or the past but be able to feel good about little enjoyable moments. i realize i really need to stop judging myself, and holding myself to this bizarre standard that's always been there in my head and has always been unrealistic. i'm making myself cut it out.
sooomy reality is simple. i'm a nineteen year old girl and i'm doing what i want to be doing. i am the same person everywhere i go. i don't really worry whether people will think i'm this or that. i don't give a fuck if i'm attractive. i dress cute for myself. i'm taking it easy. and people could look at how i live and call me a loser but i don't care. for possibly the first time in my life i am *actually* CHILLING THE FUCK OUT about everything and just..."being".
my heart's opened up so much. i am learning, for fun even. i'm becoming aware of the world around me and instead of being a useless emo fuck and thinking "wahh this reaffirms that the world sucks so much" i'm saying, "what can be done about this? why is this happening?"
and goddammit i love anime. i don't know where the hell it came from. honestly make fun of my pot use as much as you want but it has led me to some great entertainment and enjoyment and really random but good ideas. since i love watching movies i'm netflixing nonstop...i've discovered some really great ones, and silly ones, and thought provoking ones, and lotttts of documentaries. i'm slightly burnt out on them though and i've already watched like 10 of them related to north korea. so somehow i was browsing anime one day and saw one with kindof neat-looking cover art called BLACK BUTLER. i read the description and thought it sounded kindof faggy but i went ahead and watched it. the first episode was ehh but the scenery was absolutely gorgeous and i kindof liked the characters so i went ahead and watched a few episodes...and then i became a complete addict...i would watch it for like, 3 hours a day, sometimes more...i got two of my friends hooked on it, and they got other people hooked on it, and i think once i show it to erin she'll get hooked on it too. it's like fucking crack. it's fucking great.
sadly i watched all of the available episodes on netflix and so i needed to find a new one on there that i could have marathons of and get sucked into...so i found HELL GIRL which is fucking great and different from BB, but equally pretty, and equally thought-provoking, probably moreso actually. it has a storyline that at first seems repetitive but soon a story arc slowly unfolds and you get to see more complicated situations. it's made me think a lot, as it brings up a lot of moral quandaries and it made me think a lot about technology and morals and kids and how it's all effecting each other etc. and there are some really creepy parts to it, and some really awesome animations, and believable situations, and really interesting supernatural stuff that is fun to watch. i'm on like episode 11 or something...still a lot left though. yee i'm excited.
i also found this show called SHIGOFUMI which is about this person who delivers messages to people from people who have died. i've just watched one episode so far but i can really see myself getting into it, it's cool and interesting and has a great atmosphere. D. GRAY-MAN is another cool one, i can't completely remember what it's about but i'm very fucking high right now and i only watched one ep...i liked it though, even though it's very "anime" in that it has lots of action and scenarios that are completely removed from the real world (like Dragon Ball Z, InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, idk a lot of others)...and part of why I don't like those kinds of shows is because they're not relatable at all, and a lot of the concepts or ideas are really hard to swallow, even if they are in a total fantasy world. i also don't like tons of slapstick humor which a lot of popular anime shows have. D. GRAY-MAN has some of that crazy fantasy action but it's appropriate and i didn't mind it at all, plus it made sense. i find a lot of anime shows to be really convoluted and just idk too much. wow i am sounding pretentious even about anime hahaha oh lord
this is like the longest fucking entry ever. i doubt anyone will read it all the way through but thank youuu if you do.
i'm having a good night, hope you are too. ♥