(no subject) or (no meaning)?
Time seems to drag on, nowadays. I don't know why. I don't think it's it the 10mg of Fluoxetine in my system that's causing it. I would think if it's affecting my ability to sleep it would help banish my woes. I haven't showered in 3 days. Not because I don't want to but becuase I just sleep all the time. I sleep and sleep and then realize I have to work and I go to work and I get home and I feel like I have no time to live and I try to do my routine of things and I fall asleep with my clothes half on, and my grip on myself half-assed.
I've been keeping a little chart for myself. I don't tell anyone about it. But I've noticed a trend about it. I've come to realize that my Dysthmia will make it very hard for me to not feel "sad" all the time, but I've kept track of how I feel when I wake up and when I go to bed. It looks like a little graph. Lately the line has gotten lower and lower. Working at Target makes me depressed. Every where I look I see my mother buying a young Connor a toy or a gift, and the smile she has when she gives it to me and then the change of her expression when I just turn out disappointment after disappointment. If it wasn't for the small degree of fiscal independence it gives me and the weight my parents put on me for working there, I would quit.
I'm tired of this life. I wouldn't say suicide. That seems like a very drastic and poorly thought out action, which if anyone knows me knows I spend to much time thinking. I just want to leave it. Go away and forget all the daily problems that go on in it, and the people that come with it.
I watched a show on TLC earlier on the anatomy of sex. Of about 800,000 sperm, only about 2,000 survive long enough to even reach the egg. Seems foolish to me. I'm not sure why. You'd think they'd be designed better.
I wish I could just sleep tomorrow but I have work in 6 hours. Can you call out sick from life?
I've been keeping a little chart for myself. I don't tell anyone about it. But I've noticed a trend about it. I've come to realize that my Dysthmia will make it very hard for me to not feel "sad" all the time, but I've kept track of how I feel when I wake up and when I go to bed. It looks like a little graph. Lately the line has gotten lower and lower. Working at Target makes me depressed. Every where I look I see my mother buying a young Connor a toy or a gift, and the smile she has when she gives it to me and then the change of her expression when I just turn out disappointment after disappointment. If it wasn't for the small degree of fiscal independence it gives me and the weight my parents put on me for working there, I would quit.
I'm tired of this life. I wouldn't say suicide. That seems like a very drastic and poorly thought out action, which if anyone knows me knows I spend to much time thinking. I just want to leave it. Go away and forget all the daily problems that go on in it, and the people that come with it.
I watched a show on TLC earlier on the anatomy of sex. Of about 800,000 sperm, only about 2,000 survive long enough to even reach the egg. Seems foolish to me. I'm not sure why. You'd think they'd be designed better.
I wish I could just sleep tomorrow but I have work in 6 hours. Can you call out sick from life?