i feel
ugly. seriously. and utterly.
compared to them. ek. i am.
http://www.myspace.com/sandracarmen (mainly her) =\\
http://www.myspace.com/bekuhsib
they are fucking gorgeous as can be. i wouldd killl to have sandra`s legsss dudeee. i hate mine. they are ugly and chubby. and flabby. hahha.
i have self-esteem. to a point.
but i can`t help but wonder..what the fuck do i have????
why does chris like me so much?!? why does jason... why does any guuy. why were the 3 guys at my work today hiitting on me. and asking me for my digits. roflzz.
i loved it when i was size 3 in pants. im size 5/6/7 depending on the brand. i was size 11 like a year ago... but that changed to size 5 in about 2 in a half months.
losing weight is like easy for most. cause they have full movement of both arms. i don`t. &&haven`t for a long time. stupidfuckinggayasstumors. so i can`t do a lot of shit that helps tighten you stomach. leg muscles. fuck comsogirl & seventeen for always getting becky`s hopes up. but never having exerises that you can do without straightening your arms or applying a lot of pressure on them. i can apply a great deal on my right arm. it`s just the left one. doing that would prolly end me up in the hostipal. haha. lucky becky. =\\
it`s all come down to the fact that i got the phobia of gaining weight. (obesophobia) i know i told tiger and chloe and catt and jackie and everyone else... that i dont throw up anymore. but honestly.... i do some days(very rarely). late at night. when i have a breakdown. or i just don`t eat.. which is what has been happening. but i am eating just not as much. so chloe; chill, relax. =]
it just happens. i have control over it but i dont. it`s complicated but it`s not. it`s hard to explain yet it`s so easy too. it`s so simple to fight; yet it`s the most hardest battle ever for anyone to fight. the battle within oneself.
i seriously hate when i come across girls like that. cuase i can`t help but evaluate myself against them. &&they always win. no matter what.