look who's alone now ; it's not me ; it's not me.

[empathyyy]

each day ; i sit here in front of the computer ; watching the minutes go by ; listening to what the songs i listen to tell me. i wonder why i don't do anything productive. am i lazy? do i have no potential? i sit here and wonder ; but i never do anything about it. i talk to the few close friends i have on a daily basis ; wondering what is truly running through their minds when they talk to me. do you ever think people don't have a control of what is flying out of their mouths? because sometimes i think i don't. sometimes i wish i hadn't told someone that ;  just yet. or i wish it would've slipped a little sooner. often i wish i would've not exaggerated ; or not have spoken so poorly of something. i wish i knew what the right thing to say was ; and nowadays i wonder if i'm the only one who feels that way. i mean ; everyone seems to be in total control of themselves. they know what they want ; how to get it ;  what to say ;  and what to do ; without having to be dependent on another person. are they afraid to admit they're vulnerable? i am. i am afraid of being pushed down and stomped over ; once they know what gets me to tick. people out here are vicious ; they do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of how people work ; they then slowly and slyly ; take them apart, piece by piece. you don't know who it is ; or when and where it'll happen. that's why people are so silent. they don't want to stand out. they don't show their true selves ; they don't want to get hurt. they don't want to be taken apart. they don't want to be examined. or ; maybe it's just me. i try to stay hidden ; i'm afraid of the spotlight. i hate being studied ; interrogated ; and criticized by people who don't know how it feels. people who choose my weakest points ; and hammer their negative thoughts with all their might into my core ; where it's the most sensitive. choosing my worst moments ; never giving me the chance to forget about that tiny mistake i made ; but causing me to forget all of my high moments. when you put so much into whatever you do ; but then you get all the horrendous pressure and comments from people ; the frustration and standards that you are supposed to be able to meet ; outweigh your accomplishments. it's times like those who can cause a person to break down and give up. times like that when people's walls crack ; and they can't hold on. it's when people ; everyday people like me ; need someone. they need someone to hold on onto, someone to lean on ; someone to tell them not to give up or to let go of everything you want. they give you glue to stick your walls back together ; they remind you of how far you've all ready gone ; and how you shouldn't give up now. they're the people who look out for you ; and make sure your grip is tight on the distant dreams and goals ahead. you lean on them ; and when they need it ; they lean on you. people whom you can always depend on are hard to find ; and harder to keep. you gotta reach out ; and seize them with both hands. give them your all and more. you give them your blood, heart, and soul, and believe me they will do the same. never forget ; it might be storming ; but it can't rain forever.
now if it could just stop raining so hard...