I watched a man die yesterday.
On Saturday Alan got beat up across from a nightclub and i found him in Hospital the next day with a battered face.I was very upset and still am,seeing as hes taking his pain out of me.Ive been in and out of hospital since Sunday running circles around him and he was so cruel to me yesterday Iasked him if hed preferred if I hadnt come into hospital with him and he said yeah so I told him alright..Im going home now gently and walked and cried all the way home *sniff*
then he sends a long apology text and I wonder now is it over.
In hospital yesterday an old man took a heart attack in the middle of the waiting room and I watched him die, be ressucitated and slip away.I was holding back tears and a horrible lump in my throat as they zapped his body over and over,ramming tubes down his neck,ripping his clothes in all directions.I wasnt prepared for that,I was just returning from the toilet after taking a pregnancy test(negative!) and I was faced with his slumped body on the ground and I watched from start to finish the quick action of the doctors and nurses.Old people kept pushing me out of the way to see and I was like Sorry stand back!give the man some privacy and they were just so fuckin nosy and curious and when they finally pulled the sliding doors over I stood in front of the glass so the old fuckers couldnt watch him.Dead or not..spirit or not,if his spirit had left his body and he was watching his daughter crying over her Dads body being zapped,slapped,pulled,shouted at,etc,I wouldnt have liked to have turned around and seen all other people gawking at my helpless body lying there.
Im very overwhelmed.No amount of t.v,relationships or books can prepare you with the uncanny feeling of watching someone die.Perhaps it was his time,perhpas it wasnt.Perhaps it was lucky he was in hospital but it gave me firm belief in fate..no matter where you are,what doctors are there etc,if its your time and you've ticked over,you must pass over.I was so close to his body and I was overcome with shock but also a chill and maybe some say thats shock but I was afraid his spirit was standing there,asking for help or reaching for his daughter and we couldnt see,oh Im haunted by this.
Didnt get fired from work.That has to be at least one good thing?
then he sends a long apology text and I wonder now is it over.
In hospital yesterday an old man took a heart attack in the middle of the waiting room and I watched him die, be ressucitated and slip away.I was holding back tears and a horrible lump in my throat as they zapped his body over and over,ramming tubes down his neck,ripping his clothes in all directions.I wasnt prepared for that,I was just returning from the toilet after taking a pregnancy test(negative!) and I was faced with his slumped body on the ground and I watched from start to finish the quick action of the doctors and nurses.Old people kept pushing me out of the way to see and I was like Sorry stand back!give the man some privacy and they were just so fuckin nosy and curious and when they finally pulled the sliding doors over I stood in front of the glass so the old fuckers couldnt watch him.Dead or not..spirit or not,if his spirit had left his body and he was watching his daughter crying over her Dads body being zapped,slapped,pulled,shouted at,etc,I wouldnt have liked to have turned around and seen all other people gawking at my helpless body lying there.
Im very overwhelmed.No amount of t.v,relationships or books can prepare you with the uncanny feeling of watching someone die.Perhaps it was his time,perhpas it wasnt.Perhaps it was lucky he was in hospital but it gave me firm belief in fate..no matter where you are,what doctors are there etc,if its your time and you've ticked over,you must pass over.I was so close to his body and I was overcome with shock but also a chill and maybe some say thats shock but I was afraid his spirit was standing there,asking for help or reaching for his daughter and we couldnt see,oh Im haunted by this.
Didnt get fired from work.That has to be at least one good thing?