AMEEERICA, FUCK YEAH
Oh my god.
Best birthday party ever.
It was just Jess and Katie and I, and it was fucking brilliant.
We had pizza for dinner, and cake for dessert. I forgot to make a wish on the tealight before I blew it out so Katie had to light another one so I could do it again. No I won't tell you what I wished for since I don't remember lol, I already have everything I want so it must have been something dumb anyway. The cake was amazing, this chocolate Thing that defied the limit on how good chocolate cake from Safeway should be allowed to taste by like 481891273%. They made me cut it and I dropped it all over the placemats because I was laughing and couldn't hold my arm steady.
There were presents, too. They gave me a black tank top that makes my fabulous rack look even more fabulous, a gorgeous lacy brown shawl thing and these funky earrings that look like giant pearls tattood with black gothic roses and it's like they crawled into my brain to see what I'd love most and bought me that.
We had a short bonding session where we listened to the Fugees and the Police and they painted their nails and I told them about my stepdad ordeal in a very humorous fashion, until we realized that the floor was vibrating. After a moment of silent contemplation we realized that it was Downstairs Dave's (very loud) music. We could also hear him singing along to Nirvana at the top of his (considerable) lungs. Katie and Jess, who knew the words, sang along at the top of their lungs to inform him (even more loudly) that we could hear him very well, thanks. And then we took it a step further and pulled out the jukebox to start blasting the classics (Madonna, Baha Men, Chumbawamba, Green Day, Big & Rich, etc.) and then we had a Bad Dancing Competition which Jess won by a landslide with her extensive knowledge of ancient disco dancing techniques humanity collectively burned from their brains two decades ago. The neighbours couldn't tear their eyes away from us. They watched us through the blinds for nearly an hour, we know because we saw their shadows.
Then Jess decided that it would be totally ace if we dug up a pair of our oldest, grodiest, grandmotherliest panties, smeared them artfully in a strategic location with liberal amounts of very good chocolate cake, and hung them on Downstairs Dave's doorknob. So we did.
Then we went and watched Shaun of the Dead and while we were setting it up we heard Downstairs Dave go AAAUUUGGGHHH and slam his door and I have honestly never come so close to literally expiring of hysterical laughter.
The movie was hilarious. Even more hilarious was when we got up after it and found the panties politely returned to our doorknob. At that point Jess's Boyfriend Dave showed up and was extremely shocked and horrified when his sweet, fastidious girlfriend kept touching the 'skidmarks' with her fingers and brandishing them in his general direction. He threw the leftover pizza he stole from us at her by sheer reflex. Jess was thenceforth much amused by chasing him around the house with my chocolate-cake-skidmarked panties until he begged for mercy.
I will never be able to look Downstairs Dave in the face again without cracking up, I'm so full of cake I can barely move, Boyfriend Dave will never look me in the face again without seeing my panties and dying of horror, but it was so, so worth it.
You all only wish you were as cool as us. ♥
Best birthday party ever.
It was just Jess and Katie and I, and it was fucking brilliant.
We had pizza for dinner, and cake for dessert. I forgot to make a wish on the tealight before I blew it out so Katie had to light another one so I could do it again. No I won't tell you what I wished for since I don't remember lol, I already have everything I want so it must have been something dumb anyway. The cake was amazing, this chocolate Thing that defied the limit on how good chocolate cake from Safeway should be allowed to taste by like 481891273%. They made me cut it and I dropped it all over the placemats because I was laughing and couldn't hold my arm steady.
There were presents, too. They gave me a black tank top that makes my fabulous rack look even more fabulous, a gorgeous lacy brown shawl thing and these funky earrings that look like giant pearls tattood with black gothic roses and it's like they crawled into my brain to see what I'd love most and bought me that.
We had a short bonding session where we listened to the Fugees and the Police and they painted their nails and I told them about my stepdad ordeal in a very humorous fashion, until we realized that the floor was vibrating. After a moment of silent contemplation we realized that it was Downstairs Dave's (very loud) music. We could also hear him singing along to Nirvana at the top of his (considerable) lungs. Katie and Jess, who knew the words, sang along at the top of their lungs to inform him (even more loudly) that we could hear him very well, thanks. And then we took it a step further and pulled out the jukebox to start blasting the classics (Madonna, Baha Men, Chumbawamba, Green Day, Big & Rich, etc.) and then we had a Bad Dancing Competition which Jess won by a landslide with her extensive knowledge of ancient disco dancing techniques humanity collectively burned from their brains two decades ago. The neighbours couldn't tear their eyes away from us. They watched us through the blinds for nearly an hour, we know because we saw their shadows.
Then Jess decided that it would be totally ace if we dug up a pair of our oldest, grodiest, grandmotherliest panties, smeared them artfully in a strategic location with liberal amounts of very good chocolate cake, and hung them on Downstairs Dave's doorknob. So we did.
Then we went and watched Shaun of the Dead and while we were setting it up we heard Downstairs Dave go AAAUUUGGGHHH and slam his door and I have honestly never come so close to literally expiring of hysterical laughter.
The movie was hilarious. Even more hilarious was when we got up after it and found the panties politely returned to our doorknob. At that point Jess's Boyfriend Dave showed up and was extremely shocked and horrified when his sweet, fastidious girlfriend kept touching the 'skidmarks' with her fingers and brandishing them in his general direction. He threw the leftover pizza he stole from us at her by sheer reflex. Jess was thenceforth much amused by chasing him around the house with my chocolate-cake-skidmarked panties until he begged for mercy.
I will never be able to look Downstairs Dave in the face again without cracking up, I'm so full of cake I can barely move, Boyfriend Dave will never look me in the face again without seeing my panties and dying of horror, but it was so, so worth it.
You all only wish you were as cool as us. ♥