(no subject)

[emowish]

I have realized that my life is completely meaningless. I strive for nothing. I go through life through the motions and for nothing else. I feel worthless and therefore I do worthless things. I make an impact or an impression on nothing or no one. Why exactly do these things matter to me I will never now. There is no point to life and this frustrates me. I do not like the fact that people are not willing to dig a little deeper. To realize how much people are willing to give or to offer. It is annoying that people strive to benefit from the gain and nothing else. No one is out there willing to help others. No one wakes up wondering if so and so is okay. I am the same way. Nothing here makes me different. I am tired of being that girl or some girl. I am tired of living up to others expectations, ideals and beliefs. I had lived for another for so long and I refuse to do it again. I will not loose myself they way that I had before. I am NOT that girl, that is meek and mild. I am making a place for myself in the world. Who have I become? This is not the girl that I signed up to be. Don't get me wrong- I am not disappointed with the entirety of my life... Just some decisions that "caring" others helped me to decide to help/control me... but whatever
I want something to happen to make me feel subdued or serene about my life and myself. But these things never come. I have been asking for them for years... I am the one who is impatient and who is rarely forgiving... These are my faults...not yours.