(no subject)
Things have gotten complicated, though I'm strangely comfortable with where I am.
Colin is still calling, and as far as I know, has not slept with anyone since he and JP broke it off. I just can't get past the feeling of "This is only a friendship", no matter how I try. I do care about him, probably more than I care about a lot of people here. We have such a wonderful relationship as friends. I've told him this before, and I'm not sure if he believes me, but I think we would get bored if we had anything more than a friendship. He claims to care about me, deeply, but I know he has said similar things to people in the past. Why should I believe him? From last February to now, I can't count the number of times I've had to roll my eyes, stuff any emotions I may have had, and move on from the conversations we had in the middle of the night to the truth that came with the morning. The main reason he was chasing me through the summer was the fact that I turned him down when he wanted to get some ass. I wouldn't roll over, comply, and have sex with him just because he told me I looked beautiful when I wake up. Or because he said I'm the only person he can talk to about anything. Or because he said I'm the one person he confides in about everything, and that should mean something.
You see, he's said all of this to me, given me butterfly kisses, and made me feel like the princess of Georgia, but every time I started to believe any of it, I was slapped in the face. Every. Time. Is it unreasonable to fear an embarrassment like that again? To dread walking around feeling like someone has placed a 50 pound weight on my chest until I realize it's all my fault to begin with?
Why would I risk that... when I could be looking at something.. better?
Jason.
Someone that I'm almost skittish to get excited about. We've talked every night for the past four nights until 2 a.m. I can't begin to tell anyone how my heart leaps everytime he does something so simple, but so sweet (in my eyes). Like the first time he called me "Wowie", which was on Wednesday night. I couldn't believe he remembered that conversation with my brother, who calls me Wowie. But he remembered, and he called me that on the phone, and I almost wrecked my car.
The first conversation ended with me confessing a slight crush, after his childish probing, and him doing something similar.
I haven't been 'giddy' about a guy calling in a long time (about a year ago, actually). We'll see where it goes.. He took me to lunch today..
Ah, we'll see, we'll see.
Colin is still calling, and as far as I know, has not slept with anyone since he and JP broke it off. I just can't get past the feeling of "This is only a friendship", no matter how I try. I do care about him, probably more than I care about a lot of people here. We have such a wonderful relationship as friends. I've told him this before, and I'm not sure if he believes me, but I think we would get bored if we had anything more than a friendship. He claims to care about me, deeply, but I know he has said similar things to people in the past. Why should I believe him? From last February to now, I can't count the number of times I've had to roll my eyes, stuff any emotions I may have had, and move on from the conversations we had in the middle of the night to the truth that came with the morning. The main reason he was chasing me through the summer was the fact that I turned him down when he wanted to get some ass. I wouldn't roll over, comply, and have sex with him just because he told me I looked beautiful when I wake up. Or because he said I'm the only person he can talk to about anything. Or because he said I'm the one person he confides in about everything, and that should mean something.
You see, he's said all of this to me, given me butterfly kisses, and made me feel like the princess of Georgia, but every time I started to believe any of it, I was slapped in the face. Every. Time. Is it unreasonable to fear an embarrassment like that again? To dread walking around feeling like someone has placed a 50 pound weight on my chest until I realize it's all my fault to begin with?
Why would I risk that... when I could be looking at something.. better?
Jason.
Someone that I'm almost skittish to get excited about. We've talked every night for the past four nights until 2 a.m. I can't begin to tell anyone how my heart leaps everytime he does something so simple, but so sweet (in my eyes). Like the first time he called me "Wowie", which was on Wednesday night. I couldn't believe he remembered that conversation with my brother, who calls me Wowie. But he remembered, and he called me that on the phone, and I almost wrecked my car.
The first conversation ended with me confessing a slight crush, after his childish probing, and him doing something similar.
I haven't been 'giddy' about a guy calling in a long time (about a year ago, actually). We'll see where it goes.. He took me to lunch today..
Ah, we'll see, we'll see.